firehorsewoman
Member
Ugh.
I fear that my difficult child has become the "Identified Patient" aka the scapegoat for ALL of the dysfunction, fighting and turmoil that is going on his father's home and for some of the problems in mine as well.
difficult child came to live with me full-time over a month ago because of the problems at his dad's house, the stepmother being at the end of her rope, the deterioration of his relationship with his easy child older sister.
This has been such a painful time.
Last night I came across the concept of the "Identified Patient" and the more I read the more sick to my stomach I became. Is this what we have done to our son?
It seems like a "what came first, the chicken or the egg?" type of situation. difficult child has been difficult/challenging/different since infancy. He was on baby Zantac and special formulas for "colic" within a few weeks after birth. Hence, ten years of dealing with one challenge or another with him and wouldn't it be natural to fall into the trap of blaming him for all of the families problems? I think so. I certainly blamed him for being the last straw in my failing marriage. But just because it is an easy trap to fall into, it is still just as damaging. I am pretty sure that is what is going on at his dad's house now.
difficult child finally has a great team of p-doctor and new t-doctor working together. I will ask them these questions at this week's appointment. Why the heck haven't they brought this up?
Have any of you felt this way before? Is/was your difficult child the "Identified Patient" for your family's dysfunction? And if so, how did you fix that?
thanks,
FHW
I fear that my difficult child has become the "Identified Patient" aka the scapegoat for ALL of the dysfunction, fighting and turmoil that is going on his father's home and for some of the problems in mine as well.
difficult child came to live with me full-time over a month ago because of the problems at his dad's house, the stepmother being at the end of her rope, the deterioration of his relationship with his easy child older sister.
This has been such a painful time.
Last night I came across the concept of the "Identified Patient" and the more I read the more sick to my stomach I became. Is this what we have done to our son?
It seems like a "what came first, the chicken or the egg?" type of situation. difficult child has been difficult/challenging/different since infancy. He was on baby Zantac and special formulas for "colic" within a few weeks after birth. Hence, ten years of dealing with one challenge or another with him and wouldn't it be natural to fall into the trap of blaming him for all of the families problems? I think so. I certainly blamed him for being the last straw in my failing marriage. But just because it is an easy trap to fall into, it is still just as damaging. I am pretty sure that is what is going on at his dad's house now.
difficult child finally has a great team of p-doctor and new t-doctor working together. I will ask them these questions at this week's appointment. Why the heck haven't they brought this up?
Have any of you felt this way before? Is/was your difficult child the "Identified Patient" for your family's dysfunction? And if so, how did you fix that?
thanks,
FHW