I've posted before about our 28 YO son but just a quick review: Biracial, adopted him at 4 mos. He has lived with us three separate times after college and finally moved to another state two years ago. Had an assault charge in early November 2017. Since then, we have found out that his birth mom was Bipolar and used substances during the pregnancy. Not knowing about the Bipolar background until recently, we assumed until the assault charge, that he was dealing with just regular depression. I also assumed that since he had no physical or learning disabilities that the drug/alcohol exposure had not affected him. He has now estranged himself from us. When I text him, he is verbally abusive, disrespectful, profane, and even blasphemous. He tells me that we never cared for him, did nothing for him, made him live in crappy towns (my husband is a pastor), and that we're miserable people who he can't stand. I don't even recognize this person anymore. I try and try to reach him and nothing I say has any affect on his rage, hostility, and abuse. I can tell him that we love him, that our hearts are broken, that we want his life to be good, etc. and I get, "I don't care at all," "F**K off" "I can't stand either of you." I have explained to him that he has the genetics of Bipolar and has been exposed to substances, and of course, he can't see it, and gets really angry. He wants nothing to do with us unless we're willing to give him money or help him get another car. I know that we have done too much. I realize that now. The fallacy is that you think, "If I just do this one thing, that will be the thing that makes the difference." Nope, that's wrong. I am at my rope's end. My husband has made the decision not to initiate contact but to only respond if he texts. I, on the other hand, don't seem to be able to stop myself from trying over and over and over, all with the same result. I end up being verbally assaulted and I feel like I am in a deep pit. The pain and shock of seeing this happen with someone we have loved so much is more than I can bear. I ask myself, "What was it all for? All the love and the sacrifices we made, what was it for?" I don't know what to do. I know that any contact I have with him ends up with me feeling like my insides have been ripped out, and my husband gets annoyed with me when he knows I've been texting our son. But I just can't seem to "let go." The thought that I may never see him again, never talk to him, and just completely lose him is incredibly painful. What is the right thing to do here? Other than fearing that I will never see him again, I also fear that if I step back and no longer initiate contact, that it will be like giving up on him and there will be no chance that he may one day get treated and be at least somewhat the person we loved. Sometimes I don't even want to live anymore. I would welcome any insight and counsel from those of you who have dealt with Bipolar adult children. thank you.