Feeling hurt by my church

[tinamarie1]

I don't know if I am just emotional over lots of stuff right now (my dad being sick, me leaving my job to move to VA, kids going to miss their friends, etc). Heres the deal, we wanted for husband to have his swearing in ceremony right before the start of our Weds. Evening church service. The whole thing wouldn't be more than 5 minutes. It is a very small group of elderly people that go to that service (usually 30-40 ppl). The assistant pastor is the one who had the idea to do it at that time, he said that alot of the men in that service have served in wars and this would mean alot for them to see this. Well, my pastor had been out of the country, and as soon as he got back I called his secretary to ok this. She talked with him and he said that he cannot allow it, as this might set a presidence for other people to want to do similar things. I guess like quickly do marriage vows, etc.
I guess I kinda see his reasons. But it still hurts! We have been members for the past 5 years, teach kids sunday school, we go out and visit guests on Weds nite (I buy/ make goodie bags for them with- my own $$)...and I guess in my mind this wasn't a big deal. I even jumped the gun a little and had some pretty, patriotic invitations printed for just our immediate family members to attend, and so i would have something nice for my scrap book. I am on the verge of tears. I guess I just needed to vent and get feedback over this.
:crying:

 

[bby31288]

I am sorry you are feeling hurt. I take it your husband is going into the service? Where would they normally swear him in? Can you invite your friends and family there? Or maybe you can contact the church and ask for a "private" time. Let them know how important to you and your husband this is. Just some ideas. Again, hugs to you. I know how much it hurts when you are disappointed by someone whom you give so freely of yourself and your time.

Beth

 

[tinamarie1]

bby:


I take it your husband is going into the service?** Yes, the Navy Nurse Corp
Where would they normally swear him in? **The recruiter told us it is our choice, anywhere we want.
Can you invite your friends and family there? **Yes, we were only going to invite his parents and mine and one or 2 close friends.
Or maybe you can contact the church and ask for a "private" time. Let them know how important to you and your husband this is. Just some ideas. **That was my next question to the church. My pastor cannot do it, he has meetings that night. They are checking with the asst. pastor to see if he can do it in his office. Which means there is only room for 3-4 people there, so I will have to be selective in who I invite, and since husband has 2 sets of parents and my parents...that comes to 10 people with our parents and our 2 kids being there...not sure how that would work out.
Again, hugs to you. I know how much it hurts when you are disappointed by someone whom you give so freely of yourself and your time. **Thank you for your kind words and suggestions.

 

[TerryJ2]

Good luck TinaMarie... I can see where you'd be excited and then have that letdown. Looks like a smaller, private svc is a good way to salvage the situation. Sigh.

by the way, I love the sign in you LR... beware of the kids. LOL!

 

[DammitJanet]

Tina...

How about doing it in the front of the church...maybe on the front steps. That way everyone can attend. Not the parking lot but I am assuming the steps and front door are fairly nice.

If not there, do you have a patriotic park that is dedicated to veterans? Maybe there. You could ask the pastor or assistant pastor to come if that is important to you.

 

[skeeter]

Nate must have done his "swearing in" in Indy when he had his physical....

Anyway, what I did do was have a "bon voyage" party for him. Instead of a graduation party (from high school) in June, when every one else was having a party, I had his party in August, before all his friends left for college, service, etc. Rented a shelter at a local park, had a cook out, and decorated in red white and blue, with airplanes (he's a aircraft engine mechanic) and ships all over.

I remember when we got out of high school, the Navy used to have a night at the Cincinnati Reds where they did the swearing in - that was cool.

 

[SRL]

I'm sorry that you're hurt by this. It won't help you now but I've learned that nothing is carved in granite until it's approved by the senior pastor.

I'll tell you what I do based on common practice of our church. I would try and arrange the swearing in for right prior to the service, off site if needed. Then talk to the pastor and see if he wouldn't invite all the veterans participate in a time of prayer for your husband at the front of the church. Our church frequently sends off missionaries, service men or women, college students as they graduate, etc this way. It's a very nice memory and really makes the congregation feel a part of the send off. If you could work this out you could still have the family attend the swearing in and the service.

 

[Lothlorien]

Why don't you talk to him, personally. I find it very impersonal that you were conveyed this via his secretary. I can certainly understand how upset you are. I think I would be as well. I would think he'd be thrilled to be a part of this for your family.

 

[LittleDudesMom]

When one of our church member's went off to Irag a few months ago, they dedicated some time during Sunday worship to pray for him and his family (wife and three children left at home) and honor them for their contribution to our country. Then the whole congregation sang "Oh Beautiful".

Perhaps, rather than the swearing in, they could do something like that? But, I do agree with Loth that perhaps if you spoke personally with the pastor you could come up with a solution.

Sharon