feels good

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by Teriobe, Mar 8, 2017.

  1. Teriobe

    Teriobe Active Member

    I have not heard from my son in 2wks because he is processing to a prison. It has been nice not to hear from him. Because his voice, takes me back to the pain. I found out today he got to the prison he was assigned. Which means he will get settled and then start calling. I dont want to talk about what happened in prison today when he calls, i dont want to hear empty promises again. I dont want to hear how its unfair he cant talk to his daughter. Or how unfair this and that is. I just want to be left alone.
     
  2. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    I completely understand. I think as parents we sometimes forget that we have rights.
    You are perfectly within your rights to limit how often you will speak with him. you have the right to set conditions on what you will and will not discuss in your phone calls. You have the right to visit or not visit. You have the right to determine if you will send money and the amount or to not send any at all. These are your rights.
     
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  3. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    How does he get to call from prison? Does he have to have money on account?

    Ksm
     
  4. Teriobe

    Teriobe Active Member

    I have to have an account with money on my phone, like i did last stint in prison, or he has money on his books. He got a tax refund, so he has that on his books.
     
  5. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    Ever hear that saying "If it feels good, do it"!

    Well keep doing it!!
    :cool-very:
     
  6. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Don't answer your phone.
     
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  7. Teriobe

    Teriobe Active Member

    Ya but then guilt comes in. Im the only one he has left. No friends, family expect me
     
  8. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    He will meet people in prison and adapt to prison life.

    You have nothing to feel guilty for. You did not do this.

    He knows you love him doesn't he? That doesn't mean that you have to do anything more than what you feel is enough.

    I always said that my son knows we love him. That is comforting.
     
  9. AppleCori

    AppleCori Well-Known Member

    Hi Teri,

    Maybe you can use this time of respite to think about how you want to redefine the parameters of your relationship.

    Maybe you will decide that, for a while, he can only write to you instead of calling on the phone.

    Maybe you will tell him that you won't listen when he calls and starts to berate you, complain about his circumstances, the unfairness of it all, or blaming anyone else for his predicament. If he does these things, you won't be taking his calls again for a while.

    Maybe you will explain that while you love and support him, you will no longer give him money (or only a set amount that you choose, if you feel you want to) and you will not allow him to verbally abuse you.

    Take some time to think about what you want and how you think the relationship should go, from now on.

    Don't let your son manipulate you into doing or putting up with things you don't want. You are in control of your life and what you will allow.

    Take some time to get yourself in the proper frame of mind.

    Don't rush yourself. He will still be there when you are ready.

    He doesn't control this process, you do.

    Stay with us, Teri.

    It's not easy, but we will get through it, and live fulfilling lives no matter what.

    Apple