General update

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by klmno, Jul 16, 2009.

  1. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    about child support hearing and my mother's contact.

    I found out that the support hearing is not assigned to the same judge because it's not criminal so it goes to the first available judge. The GAL probably won't be there.

    As far as my mom contacting difficult child- that news isn't so good. The receptionist passes on any call regarding a kid to the kid's cm- which of course, automatically let's a person know that the kid is in there. The cm won't stop contact without a court order or strong encouragement from the parole officer. They don't care what the parent wants or asks. So, here again, we are left with the PO in charge of our lives and my parental rights.

    The PO was supposed to call me 2 weeks ago to set up a required appointment for this month but I haven't heard from him so I put a call into him. My concern is that he will discuss this with difficult child's previous probation officer who works 2 doors down from his office and who never got the point about why contact with family needed to be monitored or that all difficult child's issues were not my fault. (The parole officer has just been involved the past few months and is not aware of all that I brought out in court last year about my family.) I asked the CM if the parole officer could discuss this with the judge himself without me having to go try to get a court order and she said probably, if he wanted to. I guess the time to see how this PO is really going to be is coming soon.

    I really do not see why none of these people seem to be able to take a parent's word for something like this instead of treating us like we were delinquents with no credibility who could never be trusted to make a good decision regarding what's in the best interest of the child. The people in the system always act like the parent doesn't do enough to keep the kid protected and out of trouble, yet they are the very ones who treat the kid like everything is his decision and they have nothing to do with it. Until he gets into a mess again- then they somehow turn that back on the parent. But, we'll see which side the PO is going to take on this- and if the judge stays consistent with wanting contact with my family monitored.

    Really, how the he** would the PO know what contact is good or bad for my son's mental state? The PO's never even want involved in mental health issues. Their idea of mental health treatment is a rewards/consequences contract.
    Last edited: Jul 16, 2009
  2. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    That's ridiculous that they will not limit contact based on parental decisions. Kanga's Residential Treatment Center (RTC) can only allow her to call and receive calls from people we put on her list (until she turns 18 at which time she has full phone rights unless we take guardianship). We could have required them to forward all of her mail to us for screening as well.

    Can you check with legal aide about getting an OOP against your mom on behalf of difficult child?
  3. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    OOP's are pretty difficult to get around here. I was looking into it regarding my bro right before I found out he filed for custody. You have to prove that the person poses a physical threat to the safety of the child, is likely to kidnap the child, or is an extreme detriment to their mental health. It's even harder with a grandparent because there are grandparent rights in this state.

    It just feels like the people in the system plow right over parents' rights without a second thought but act like everyone else's rights could never be questioned. I just can't fathom why on earth this should be left up to a parole officer who has only seen my kid once for about 15 mins.

    Adding to it, if my mom starts writing difficult child while he's incarcerated, I won't know unless difficult child tells me but even then, I would have no proof if she wrote him horrible, inappropriate things because he would not be allowed to give the letter even if he wanted to so I wouldn't have any evidence to take to court. Ok, maybe there's a slight chance that he could mail it to me and they would let it pass through their screening, if things get to that point. My mother is being pretty quiet so she is up to something.
  4. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member have grandparent rights in VA? I need to move the whole family kit and kaboodle up there! We dont have grandparent rights here.
  5. daralex

    daralex Clinging onto my sanity

    That is crazy! Why don't people get that we know our kids better than anyone else? Not fair!!!! Sorry your dealing with all this!!
  6. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I think some of this is the sad fact that there are a LOT of parents out there of juvenile offenders who simply don't give a darn. The GOOD parents get penalized for that, because I think there are fewer of them. The folks in the system get so jaded, I find they tend to fall into two categories.. those that are grateful for a parent who finally cares about their kid.. and those that lump that parent in with all the "bad" parents. It's a shame.

    I hope you can get in touch with the PO soon. Seems like he's been reasonable so far, so I hope that continues...
  7. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Thanks, Ladies! I think you are very right, Crazy. The PO and I have played phone tag this morning already. His message said we could meet next week.

    There must be something in difficult child's main file at the clerk's station (the file always pulled for court) about what I testified to about my family. But apparently the probation officer had her own file which was passed onto the parole officer and it just conveys that I'm an impossible parent. I just want to get everyone on the same page instead of having gal and PO thinking that I have duped the judge.
  8. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I agree with getting everyone on the same page. Hopefully you can meet with the PO next week so this contact can stop. difficult child can't get better unless everyone is working FOR HIM not for their own interest. But, you already know that - that's what you are tyring to make happen. Good luck.