Welcome!
I have had experience with the "no bail out" policy. My difficult child stayed out of trouble with the law until he was 18 and had to go to "big boy" jail. When called by difficult child to ask if I would get him out of jail, I said no. Was arrested on a Sunday nite, and stayed in jail until Tuesday's court date. I did go to court so he would be sure I saw him being led in in bright yellow scrubs, flip flops and shackles. The prosecutor let me come up to her desk when the case was called and smirked when I told difficult child he looked like u know what and smelled even worse. You see, not only did I make him stay in, I refused to take him any soap, towels, deodorant or clothes. It was a lesson in humility that really worked. As this was difficult child's first offense (caught with pot paraphanalia), the prosecutor told him he could take a 4 week drug/alcohol class, pass a drug screen and it would be taken off his record. He took the class at his own expense resulting in zero $$ left in his savings account. She also told difficult child that not all kids his age had parents who cared enough to let them face their own consequences and that he should be glad to have me! It was very difficult to do because he was in there with some really nasty people whose offenses were way worse than his but I do believe he learned something. We have always told him that as long as he lives in our home, we had better be the first call he makes if he gets arrested (so we know he is alive) but not to expect our help in getting out. He can call others the next time he is allowed to use the phone.
If this is the tactic you choose, lay it on the line, be prepared to stick to it and do it if it becomes necessary. It won't be easy but you CAN do it-and it may be just the thing your difficult child needs to wake him up!
Hugs,
