Getting Smarter...and hope

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by AmericanGirl, Jul 11, 2012.

  1. AmericanGirl

    AmericanGirl Guest

    Yes...finally I am getting smarter in dealing with difficult child.

    Court date yesterday for the theft. He was supposed to say "x". He, of course said "y" when he spoke with the judge. "What do you mean you pled 'YO'? It's either guilty or not guilty."

    $545 fine. Judge is allowing $50 payments. I made first two. If difficult child isn't employed by 7/31, then he will sit the fines out in jail. I didn't tell him that because he would hear, "I can wait until 7/30 to find a job."

    He is supposed to actively look for employment every day but Sunday and send me a short text describing his efforts. In exchange, I will pay his weekly rent.

    I am not giving him any more money for food. He finally got everything handled at the Food Stamp office.

    I refuse to give him any more cash for anything else until he gets me access to his bank account. No more cash. He has to be accountable for the money he gets.

    If his isn't willing to comply, then there is a homeless mission down the street from the sober house. I'll get a friend to help me go get the car.

    It's HIS life....not mine.

    To stop the late night calls and texts, I found an app which will turn my cell ringer off between midnight and 7 am - just for his phone number. I hated turning it off in case other people needed me. He is unaware I did this, I simply told him I expected him to respect those hours unless he has an emergency. I can easily see whether he has contacted me - but won't be disturbed in the middle of the night anymore. If he violates it, I will restrict his phone for 24 hours so he cannot make calls to anyone but his sponsor.

    The fool came to court wearing gauges in his ears. Sober House won't allows tattoos so I guess that's his new passion. I held out my hand and simply said, "Earrings." He took them out and put them in his pocket. I repeated, "Earrings." He put them in my hand. I plan on destroying them with a large hammer and a great deal of anger. Before I paid the fine, I required him to write a statement saying he wouldn't use gauges for six months. I told him I was faxing that to the Sober House manager. (Of course, I don't expect him to enforce him. Only want him to be aware of the agreement.) difficult child's response, "You are going to mess up everything I have going over there." Haha...the manager already told me he saw through his manipulation.

    I was listening to an online meeting last night. The topic was hope.

    I once felt hope for difficult child. I cannot do that any longer. It's cruel to myself to feel hope for him. I have zero control over him. Besides, hope is like saying "I wish...". And you cannot be detached and have wishes for certain outcomes.

    What I realized is that I can feel hope for me. Hope that I will find happiness despite what difficult child chooses. Hope that I will always listen to what my Higher Power's wishes are. Hope that I will continue to work my program every day. Hope that I will hold onto my serenity and sanity. Hope that I will continue to be graced with good health and wonderful friends and the capacity to genuinely be happy.

    And that is what I wish for all of you.....
  2. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Guest

    You GO momma!!!! You just inspired ME!!! :D You are doing fantastic and your son will be better for it!
  3. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    AG, your post made me smile, and I really, really needed it.

    Can you send me that app? PM or here, either way... I need it!!!
  4. AmericanGirl

    AmericanGirl Guest

    StepTo2....the app is called Silent Time. Android. Free download.

    You set the time on and off. Then you add anyone from your phone's address book who you want to be able to reach you (voice or text) even during that time. Took maybe ten minutes to set up. I tested it with my landline. The display lit and I could see the call but no sound. Voice mail picked up as usual.

    Peace.....priceless :)
  5. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I don't know if all smart phones work the same way but my EVO 4G has a setting that allows me to set any phone number to go straight to voice mail. I used to do it all of the time when difficult child would call me repeatedly.

    You go to people, and then find the person you want to send to voicemail and there is an option to press that says "send to voicemail" and the phone doesn't ring but they can leave a voicemail.

    Thought that might be useful information for a parent of a difficult child. LOL

    AG . . . you are doing great.

  6. exhausted

    exhausted Active Member

    Good for you mamma bear! Thanks for the hope! I am working my program too! Thanks for the wish!
  7. AmericanGirl

    AmericanGirl Guest

    difficult child just sent me four texts. It seems he has eight job interviews sent up. Plus submitted many more applications.

    Time will tell if he is being honest or not.

    Didn't reply. He's going to have to learn to wait for me. :)

    Kathy....we are phone twins. I've used that option many times before but difficult child is onto it now.
  8. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    So how does he get around it?
  9. AmericanGirl

    AmericanGirl Guest

    He doesn't get around it. He knows if it goes straight to voicemail then I have restricted him. He can still text me.
  10. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    So how does that differ from the app that you found?
  11. AmericanGirl

    AmericanGirl Guest

    That merely sends certain calls to voicemail. You have to manually manage it. The person knows the phone didn't ring. They will assume either you are on the phone or sent them to voicemail. It does nothing to limit texts.

    This new one will allow you to create settings. One of mine says sleep. It starts at midnight and ends at 7am. The phone will not ring (nor make a sounds for an incoming text) between those hours unless it is from one of the approved people. You simply click on each name in the contacts list and it covers all their phone numbers. I don't have to remember to turn it on or off. difficult child can contact me and won
    t know I have done this. I'll simply see his call/text when I look at my phone in the morning.
  12. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Cool. I will have to remember this one if difficult child goes bonkers on us again. LOL
  13. AmericanGirl

    AmericanGirl Guest

    Know I'm praying that never happens!
  14. Signorina

    Signorina Guest

    You go girl!:hi5:
  15. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    AG you are so wise and I am learning so much from you. When my difficult child went into the sober house the first thing they made her do was take out her tongue piercing. The director handed it to me and you know what I did with it. I also cleaned out the car she was driving at threw away everything inside it. I got special satisfaction of smashing her explicit cd's with a hammer.

    You sound so grounded and healthy.

  16. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I have one that blocks certain numbers and I can unblock them when I decide I dont want to do so anymore. Mine says things like "Sorry you caught my out right now, leave a message." but I never hear the phone ring and the instant messages dont go into my regular instant messages, only the blocked program.
  17. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Guest

    Yup, I remember that feeling as I was smashing my daughter's meth pipe...
  18. exhausted

    exhausted Active Member

    I would love to smash those explicit CDs-hate those rap songs that are so demeaning to women and the f word and b word every other sentence. And how many can they write about "dancers"??? Why can't they see that it is just junking up their minds? Gave up controlling that. Just have a boundary that I don't want to hear it-If I do-I take out the stereo.

    Ag-does this app do anything to manage/block outgoing texts?
  19. AmericanGirl

    AmericanGirl Guest

    Exhausted....nope - only incoming texts. I've blocked a lot via my provider's website.