Last night I was talking to my son who lives in Illinois (I'm in WIsconsin). His wife is expecting a baby in March and we are pretty close. He was always close to his Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) brother too, but last time we stayed at his house my Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) son messed up the expensive blinds in his room and threw a can of Dr. Pepper under his bed. He didn't exactly say we couldn't stay there anymore, but he did say we'd have to watch Lucas all the time, which I think is reasonable. But I don't know if it's possible. Lucas does so many quirky, weird things and my older son is very fastidious about his house. I decided that we should probably stay at hotels when we go to Illinois to visit, however (and here's what drives me nuts)...we are so broke. And the cheapest overnight hotel in that part of Illinois is $60.00. I'm not sure that includes three people either or that my son is still considered a child. Usually we would stay for two whole days (come in Fri. night/leave Mon. morning), but we won't be able to do that now. And we may not be able to go as often. I know I shouldn't be hurt. I know my son is right and didn't mean anything by it, but my other son already told us he didn't want us to stay at his house, and has cut us out of his life. This son always tells me "I'm not Scott" (the son who cut everyone out) and he isn't, but I still feel rejected. Sensitive, aren't I? LOL. We did talk about maybe meeting in Madison for special occaissions, such as birthdays. But we certainly wouldn't spend as much time together with one day trips. And certainly the newborn baby won't be able to travel that far for a while. I suppose I can go visit the baby without my two younger kids though...OK, so THAT has me in a funk and now... My daughter who used to use drugs is stressed out about her relationship and I'm sooooooooooo worried she'll start the drugs again. She hasn't--but I'm still scared. She's such a sweet young woman (I think of her as a girl) and I just want her to find contentment. She always picks men who expect HER to take care of THEM. She knows that, but still can't break completely from her boyfriend, so she's stressed which has ME stressed... Which leads me to my stress over my Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) son because I'm not sure my older son is going to be as invested in him now that he's expecting his own child. They were always very close, and he is listed as his guardian if anything happens to us...but he's obviously focused on his daughter-to-be...which leads to... I'm stressed about my eleven year old because she never wants to be home, she's always rollerblading at Skate City, has her own friends, and because I'm in a self-pitying mood, I'm taking this as a rejection too...and LASTLY... There is SCott who hasn't seen us since his wedding. Or talked to us! He DID send a Christmas Card and a gift certificate and that touched me. I had sent him a nice letter before that. I sent him a card back telling him that his card just lit up my Christmas tree. Haven't heard from him since though. I wish I had more money so I could see my kids whenever I wanted to, but we are pretty much stuck on a fixed income for many reasons, and it ain't a HIGH fixed income. I feel like everything is closing in on me. I see families with kids who are so loving towards the parents. With me, I feel like I have to make an appointment to see my kids and that its for ME, not them. They're nice kids, but I feel like a third wheel. Sometimes I just want to buy a rec vehicle and drive all over the country with hub and leave the kid issues behind me. BUT WE CAN'T AFFORD THAT...lol...and he still works full time (although he can't make too much). How do you stop from going crazy over stuff like this? Is it just me? If so, what do you guys do? I need some help here. I'm going to see my therapist tomorrow, but you guys are often better than her...lol. Thanks in advance.