Gone again

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by Nancy, Feb 18, 2011.

  1. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Well she can only last two weeks at the most and then she self destructs. Reunited with druggie friend down the street. He is actually the reason she lost her car almost two years ago because he left an bottle of alcohol in the trunk. She claims he's clean and sober yet he was at the mall with other druggie neighbor who is a drug dealer. She spent the night there Tuesday night and tried to go back Wednesday. husband told her absolutely not and she threw a fit.

    When husband picked her up from work last evening she had a contract written out that said she agrees to pay us $100 a month rent and therefore she cannot be kicked out and her curfew is no longer applicable and she will she who she wants and we must accept that she is almost 20 years old. husband told her we would not sign any contract and she was free to leave our home any time she wanted to and live on her own and be free to do what she pleased but while she was here she had to abide by our rules.

    So she left last night at midnight and husband told her if she left she couldn't come back. At 9 am this morning the doorbell rang and she wanted to come in. We had an argument, she wrestled me for my car keys, we called the police and she left, after breaking her door and throwing some chairs around.

    I think I can make it this time. I sense myself getting more detached, I hope that's true. The weather is breaking and I don't have to worry about her freezing out there. We need this to be over. She needs to hit bottom which she hasn't done yet and they find her way out herself. I doubt that will happen and I feel it will end in tragedy.

    I sensed her life spiralling out of control lately and I'm usually right.

  2. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    Oh, hon... Hugs.
  3. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Guest

    Oh, honey, I am so so sorry! We are always right. Mom intuition. Lord knows we don't want to be right. Ugh. Thinking of you, Nancy....
  4. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Lordy, Nancy, you and husband have done everything you can do. It seems she is determined to self destruct. I assume her much loved job will be history soon too. I'm very sorry. I think the part that bugs me most about our addicted kids is that they have the IQ to be successful but impulse and instant gratification rules. Hugs. DDD
  5. toughlovin

    toughlovin Guest

    Oh Nancy,

    I am sorry you are going through this but you and husband did a great great job of setting limits and boundaries. Really kudos to you as I think all of us here know how hard that is. I am proud of you for calling the police... are they doing anything about her kicking down the door etc? I really think unfortunately it may take police involvment at this point to wake her up. Take good care of yourself... I hope you and husband can get out and do something fun this weekend... a funny movie perhaps? Or even a sad one can sometimes give you a place to let the tears flow. Lots of thoughts and hugs coming your way.
  6. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I met husband after work at our local restaurant and had a lovely time. GH reminded me what is important in life and reaffirmed why I married him so many years ago. I honestly feel so relieved and ready to reclaim my life. I'm making plans to visit my bff in Phoenix. In the meantime difficult child got her tongue pierced. she is homeless but she got her tongue pierced and posted pics all over facebook. Thats what's important to her.

    We called off the police after she left. We are determined not to let her back in and will leave her belongings outside for her to pick up. She wants to be on her own and on her own she is.

  7. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

  8. tawnya

    tawnya New Member

    So sorry, Nancy.

    Call me stupid but the one thing that made me cry was the tongue piercing. I know there are so many other things that are more important. I really mean that.

    I'm glad you have a good night with your husband. You both need that.

  9. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry, Nancy. Many, many hugs.
  10. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    *hugs* Nancy.
  11. exhausted

    exhausted Active Member

    Im sorry to hear this. Keep yourself well.
  12. jinger

    jinger Guest

    Nancy...I read from time to time and so sorry to hear your girl cannot maintain sobriety and stability. But, it sounds to me like you are getting stronger in your ability to let her own her life and that you are better able to live your own life in a much more healthy way. Sending you strength and courage as you forge onward.
  13. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    She texted me to ask if she could come home to get some clothes. I told her I would pack a bag and leave it outside by the garage. She just came by and got it. Apparently she is staying down the street at her druggie friend's house.

  14. barneysmom

    barneysmom Member

    Nancy, I'm so happy to hear you use the word "relief" in your post about eating out with your husband. I think that is a sign of healing for you. Relief is such an exquisite feeling, isn't it? And one that we do not experience nearly enough -- sometimes when I feel relief, it is almost shockingly pleasurable!

    Jo xxoo
  15. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    You are being the best mom you can be in this awful situation. It is unfortunate and awful, but you are doing your job as her mother. Detaching and letting her figure it out on her own is the only way. You must not enable. She made her choices and she will live with the consequences.

    Do not let the fear of tragedy weaken you. Awful things could happen even if she is living with you. I am sorry for your worry, but most of the difficult children on the site really do make it through so many dangerous situation. I can not tell you not to fear, just make sure it does not cause you to decide that being the best mom is to enable her, ever again.

    HUGE HUGS! Stay strong and let her make her own life choices.
  16. svengandhi

    svengandhi Well-Known Member

    I cringed when I read about her wrestling you for the car keys. The pierced tongue is gross (in my opinion, I know other people find it attractive) but that affects only her. Wrestling you could hurt you. Has she spent any time in jail yet? Maybe that's a needed next step?

    Stay strong.
  17. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Nancy, its time. You have given her the tools and she has chosen to discard them for now. They are still waiting for her if she decides to pick them up at some future time. It took me awhile to figure out life. She may too but its time for you to just say no. As they say, you can love her, but dont love her to death. Its now her time to fight her battle.

    She has it in her.