Got fired yesterday over nothing and not handling it well

[Signorina]

Hugs MM

I had upsetting news about my own employment last week and I can relate to the way you feel. You love those kids - your poured yourself into your job -and being fired in that fashion feels like a betrayal.

Please don't tie your self worth to your job. It's a huge mistake. been there done that. In fact, after the huge work debacle I experienced on 12/31, I wrote myself a note as a New Year's resolution. The end stated: Determine your own worth. When someone shows you who they are, believe them. Count on yourself, you know your value; insist that others honor it, and always believe in yourself."

Try not to see this as an end, see it as a beginning. You have the time and a chance to explore charting a new path. Your H sounds like a great guy, he immediately offered to pick up the extra hours, so it doesn't seem like a financial crisis is looming and you have his support! What a blessing!

I think you've gotten great advice in this thread. I would consider perhaps talking to the actual Head Start childcare or school - perhaps they have openings for an aide? I would think that your experience on the bus would be a great asset. Otherwise, perhaps explore becoming of an in home childcare provider? It might be especially nice to watch someone's kids at THEIR home instead of your own...and get paid in cash?

Just a thought!

 

[BusynMember]

Thanks all.

I went to the headquarters to talk to the guy in charge who doesn't know me or my bus driver at all, but who chose to believe her anyway, although nobody had ever complained about me before and even though I was t here longer and never missed one day of work. But, as luck would have it, Sole Head Honcho was in a meeting. They told me to talk to the Human Resources woman, who I get along well with (I get along well with everyone who knows me).

I could have put it off and talked to the head honcho later, but wanted to put this to rest and not drag it out so I agreed to talk to the human resource lady. She promised to talk to Head Honcho about everything, so I decided to take that chance...and hope that he'd listen to her.

I had notes (thanks to the poster who suggested notes) and had a chance to speak my mind 100%, including pointing out that I'd bus aided for four other drivers before t his one (she is my fifth) and that nobody else had ever issued ANY complaints about me. I felt that was a powerful argument. I also told her a few things that Bus Driver does that are illegal. I wasn't going to "tattle" on her, but, hello, ask me if I care about her feelings anymore. Um, no. Then I left and went to my favorite coffee place for some not needed comfort food and hot tea, and I wanted to read, but I couldn't concentrate. I came home and drove my "kids" (my two small dogs) to my hub's work to visit him and then came home and have been sad and miserable and getting it all out ever since. I did get therapy in motion. It may take awhile, so I hope you guys are on duty 24/7!!! What would I do without all of you?

For me, my job is not about status and I am a minimalist so material stuff isn't important to me and never was. It was all about having something to do during the day that I felt mattered and made a difference. I guess I could volunteer. But the volunteer options here are almost as bad as working...they treat you like a paid employee. And there are no child-oriented or dog rescues in my area, which are my main interests. I'm seriously thinking of nudging hub to move us to Madison after Jumper graduates. But that's just rambling.

I haven't heard back from Head Start and probably won't today. Maybe I never will again. The biotch of it all is that they downgraded me to sub status. I don't think I can even collect unemployment since technically I'm still employed, although I'll be off almost all the time. If anyone knows anything about downgrade of work days allowing me to collect unemployment, please let me know. My guess is I can't, but I'm not sure and can't find any unemployment site that tells or any unemployment phone number that lets you talk to anyone human to ask questions of.

Jumper has a basekball game tonight and usually I like to go, but I may not show up. Not only am I lethargic and antisocial today, but I don't want anyone asking me about my job. It will make me cry. Jumper says it's fine if I don't go.

I keep telling myself that, as usual, in three days I'll feel better and in a month this won't matter at all. I have a spiritual view of life and keep telling myself everything happens for a reason; it is preordained. And that helps too because ti makes me feel that better things are in the future.

Right now thought...depression city!!!

Thanks again.

 

[InsaneCdn]

Just remember it's a bump in the road - not the end of the road.
Not nice. Not even deserved.
But... there is way more good stuff coming your way.

Hang in there.
I'm sending you a few spare knots for the end of your rope...

{{hugs}}

 

[Signorina]

YES! YES! YES!

If you have been downgraded to sub - you will still qualify for unemployment! In fact, it will make it easier because the fact that you are still eligible to work for them means they can't make a claim that you were fired for cause. The only thing that changes is the amount you receive will be reduced during those weeks you actually WORK as a sub. So, they will reduce your amount of UE by the wages you earned. Once you are collecting unemployment, make sure you accept the work as a sub when you are called in. Refusing the hours will make you ineligible to collect unemployment as being "not available for work".

here's the link to apply online:

http://dwd.wisconsin.gov/uiben/apply_online.htm

 

[susiestar]

(((((hugs)))))

I am so sorry. I know how much you loved your job. If HR person can talk head honcho into a change, then insist on a raise. You will need it to put up with the driver and she will do ALL she can to get you fired again. I wonder if she has something on the honcho or just threatened to sue if they kept you on her bus. she had to know she didn't intimidate you, and that you know all the stuff she does that is wrong/illegal/against policy. So she was likely afraid you would tell on her, and decided to strike first. Idiots do things like this.

THe first few days are the worst. I don't know how you feel about seniors, but most communities have places for seniors to either have a free meal that is nutritious or a meals on wheels program. in my opinion you wuold be awesome at either place. Either delivering meals or helping fix them, or else helping out with meals at a place that does the free meals. You also might be a huge help at a local homeless shelter. Often they have kids there, and you could be a real asset as either a volunteer or employee.

As for being treated badly as a volunteer, that can only happen if you don't stand up for yourself. I have done a ton of volunteer work since jr high, and usually if a place treated people badly it was because they didn't want anyone there. And if they worked iwth kids or seniors or those who cannot care for themselves, it is usually because they are doing bad things. So working there was a chance to make a real difference if only by exposing some of the dirty dealings to help those at the mercy of the misdeed-accomplishers. Sometimes I didn't go back many times after that, but it would trigger some oversght and protection for the clients.

Whatever you come up with, it will be a good thing. Don't let yourself get caught up in what you cannot do. focus on the things you CAN do, and this will end up being a blessing. Just one in a really ugly disco track suit!

As for siamese, they are odd cats. Capn is one. he is not finicky about litter, but past cats were. Finding the right litter and NEVER changing brands helped a lot. So did making sure that the area around the box was clean. Capn has taken to washing his paws after he uses his box. But he uses his water dish to do that and tehn won't drink because there is litter in the water, lol. The siamese in him wants to be in very high places, and wants to figure out how things work. For the last year he has been trying to figure out the ceiling fan. It is funny to watch.

Enjoy your pets, and the puppy class. Once the house is more manageable, pet wise, you will be happier. Work on your writing also. You have a real gift there, so use it. Write your feelings, or about something totally different.

We are here for you anytime, no worries about that!

 

[FlowerGarden]

So sorry. Sending hugs and positive thoughts your way.

 

[DDD]

If Signoria, Starbie and I have all had unexpected job problems....that only means that you have to be pretty darn neat to face this issue. You're in good company, my friend. DDD

 

[busywend]

MWM....YES! Cry it out all you want...you know in a month you will look back and be able to see more clearly. I hope you see opportunity doors opening. It may be a good thing for you (money, busy work, kids,etc.) But it is still just a job. So much more defines you. Huge hugs!

 

[TerryJ2]

Ohhhh, I'm so sorry!

I would feel hurt and distraught and irate and betrayed.
I think that talking to your former boss next week, when you are calm, knowing that it won't change anything, would be a good idea. You can tell him that your job was to care about the kids and you did that very well. And that whatever issues there may have been with-you are going to be repeated with-the next aide, because it wasn't you--it was the other driver. I would definitely tell him the truth about the kid who didn't get picked up. What do you have to lose? You've already been let go. And I would phrase it that way.
Best of luck.

I only saw your thread just now, but from your initial posting to the most recent post your attitude had really improved. I could feel how down you were but boy, are you resilient! Many hugs.

 

[dashcat]

I am so sorry to hear this. Losing a job is devasting. Please hang in there. You know your life is worth way more than this incident, no matter how much it hurts. Thre are better things ahead of you.
Dash

 

[Wiped Out]

((((((hugs))))))

 

[BusynMember]

All I want to do is sleep. Tonight my daughter gave me a big hug. I know she's worried. I just want to sleep and forget about it.

 

[DammitJanet]

MWM, I havent read all the responses because I wanted to respond to you fast before I had a chance to read everything. I so get it! While I havent been fired for the EXACT same reason as you, and the reasons I cant get hired are not the exact same reasons, I have the same end results so I do understand your pain. In the end you feel completely used and humiliated because you tried to do your job to the best of your ability. Its not FAIR! Others get to skate by and be jerks but the ones who do the right thing get dumped on. Yeah, sister, I get it.

Now, is this Head Start the only one around? In my area we have two of them. If you only have one then I have another idea. Most day care centers these days also bus their kids into their centers these days - usually from the local elementary schools each day. They also use those vans during the day to take the kiddo's out for field trips. With your experience you might be able to get hired on to one of those. If not that, how about working in the local cafeteria at one of the schools?

That doesnt sound good, then contact the Social Security administration about their program for working from home doing call center work. They help you get set up to have a cable line and a phone line in your home and you can do pretty simple call center work from home that will work to not allow you to go over the amount of money you can make so you can keep your benefits. That might be something good for you because you dont have to worry about dealing with the public or the face blindness.

Again I am so very sorry. I hate it when bosses will believe one person against the other without even having the decency to talk to both parties. That just tells you what kind of person he really was. Might be best you are leaving there.

 

[BusynMember]

Hi, Janet. Middle of the night. Can't stay up, can't sleep.

There is no other Head Start here...small town. And if t here were, what kind of reference would I get? Thanks for being so kind. Really, I just want to sleep so I don't think about what a failure I've been. I feel very alone in this small town. I wonder how long this horrible feeling will last. It's like another big rejection. Every time I think about it, I just want to....do something....to myself. Exaggerated, maybe, but this is the hell of mental illness. I have been stable for sooooo long, but when something like this happens (and worse things can happen), the medications, the therapy, everything goes down the drain and I'm just stuck with the mental illness. And I won't go to ER. I won't go in any hospital again. Most of the time they hurt more than help; t hey treat the patients like belligerant children...at least that is my experience. And I can't get a professional to see me for a long time unless I go to ER. It's so screwed up. This could easily devolve into a "mental health care hoovers" discussion. I wish one of you were close to me. Or close enough to visit. I really need a friend who understands. And nobody does. They're saying "It's not a big deal." Maybe it's not. But when you have a mental illness (or two), yeah, it can be. You never know what is going to push you over the edge.

Thanks again.

 

[Hound dog]

MWM as to what reference would you get? Oh, hon there are all those PEOPLE there who like you so much remember? Maybe Head Start itself wouldn't give you a good reference, although given your job performance I'm going to bet they would, but the People who know you would for certain. Talk to them about using them as references, surely they're as ticked over what happened to you as you are.

Maybe there isn't another Head Start program, but is there another pre-school program? Perhaps you could work helping them. I wound up being a teacher's aide and sub-teacher for Nichole's pre-school quite by accident. (she refused to move from under the piano for the first couple of weeks unless I was there lol ) I had no qualifications except my parenting skills and natural way with young children. It was a ton of fun the 2 yrs I did it. Maybe you could find something like that to do instead.

The human resource woman might surprise you though, don't give up just yet. This sort of thing is her job. It might look better that you went through proper channels........and they might have to do some checking on the things you told them and deal with her before contacting you.

((hugs))

 

[Lothlorien]

I'm sorry you lost your job. I hope you are feeling better today. Have hope that there must be a reason this happened...you were meant for something else. Sending big hugs.

 

[BusynMember]

It's getting worse. I had a total meltdown here and I"m not even sorry. I just want to move. Now. Tonight. Tom is livid. I don't care.

 

[DammitJanet]

Pam, you know I get it. I ended up leaving my best job under less than stellar circumstances and now they wouldnt take me back on a dime. Billy cant even get a job there because I have a rather unique name for this area and they know he is related to me. Its so unfair. I attempted to go back to my job and I got a letter saying they had more qualified applicants apply for the job. Oh really? They had more people apply at that time who had more than 7 years experience and who knew every program inside and out? Really? I seriously doubt it. I would love to meet those applicants.

Yeah, that was a real blow to my ego considering I was applying for a starting position, not something like a lead worker or supervisor. I didnt even expect to go back in at the pay that I had left at. I was willing to start from scratch. In the end I have decided it was their loss but it still stings. That was my perfect job. Well, the one that I had finally moved into at the end when I had left.

I do think you can find something that will make you happy again. It might not be what you were doing before. Take some time to think. I would avoid the hospitals because I dont think you need it. Be sad. You have a right to be. Think about what else you can do. You love the kids but could you also maybe love working with animals? Think about that for awhile. Maybe work for a vet or a dog groomer.

 

[BusynMember]

There really are no jobs here THAT I CAN DO (emphasis needed). I have too many disabilities and many can't be accommodated. Not so sure I don't need the hospital, but I'm not going in one. It's not just the job. It's the fact that there was so much deceit.
I did get a lot of Facebook notes about how nobody liked the driver and everyone is surprised she's still there and that she hasn't fooled anyone. Except the head honcho, of course, who doesn't know either of us. I need to move on. I keep thinking of KLMNO and how she is moving on and I feel ashamed of myself.

 

[Malika]

MWM, hello. I am just coming into this late and am very sorry to hear of what happened, which sounds unjustified. Of course you cannot "move on" already - of course it brings up all the feelings it has for you and it is all too recent and unprocessed to get over yet. What happened was unexpected and a shock, so it is like a trauma.

However I really would encourage you to fight this and to try to get justice. I do not think you should just accept it. You have already had the courage to go back to Head Start and talk to someone and I would definitely go back and/or write a letter to the head of the service. You have been a faithful and conscientious worker and the misunderstanding on which this rests is very unfair. I understand why you are taking it personally but you should not. It is not personally to do with you and you should resist feelings that you are somehow at fault or that there is something wrong with you. It was a very unfortunate set of circumstances and it sounds as if you were the scapegoat of them.

Even if it goes nowhere, you will feel better and less of a victim (for you have been a victim of something) if you do this, I think.