I hit Tink today. 3 times on her bottom. But I made them count. I can't stop crying. She threw 2 stacked plastic deck chairs at the patio doors because I told her to brush her hair before I gave her watch back to her. When I told her to stop, she picked them up and threw them again. Then whipped the door open, knocking it off its track, to get inside because she could tell by my face that she had gone too far. I came in after her and she was sitting on the couch. After 5 tries I flipped her onto her stomach (yeah, I don't know how she does it but she is like a buoy...she stays upright) and cracked her ***. Once, twice, thrice. And she screamed. Louder than she has ever screamed in her life. I went to close the patio door because I was sure someone would call the cops. Do you know she went and stood AT THE PATIO DOOR to scream? I stormed into my room, and had myself a nice nervous breakdown. When she regained composure, she came to my door and told me it was time to leave for camp. I opened the door and there she stood, with her arms out, waiting for a hug from me. Like I deserved a hug. I hate hate hate that I can't control myself. But I also hate that she thinks she can act any way she likes without consequences. She really thinks she runs the place. I just acquired a bakers rack for our kitchen yesterday. She immediately started dictating what would go where, and became enraged that I was not going to let her put "her" stuff on half the shelves. Like, the microwave must be just mine, because when I put it on the rack, she announced that was MY shelf, and she wanted to put her tea set on the next shelf. The nerve of me using it for a coffee maker. That's just an example. So, do I overanalyze everything? Is she just a rotten kid that can turn it on and off at will? What do you do when you maybe could have basket C'd something (like telling her to brush her hair before she got the watch) but by the time you realize that it is going to be a federal case, you don't want to go back on it and say "oh OK go ahead and take the watch" because THEN is she getting the message that if she whines long enough she gets her way? There are times that I think that I can just not take it for ONE MORE SECOND, and I think does she maybe need to be hospitalized? Then I think maybe not, she's not THAT bad. I just have to learn how to control my kid. Do I love her too much? Is there such a thing? She is the air I breathe. My life absolutely revolves around her. I am Tink's mom. Outside of that, I really have no identity anymore. Back when I was married to her dad, I was Matt's wife. And he verbally abused me. Now his daughter does the same thing. I am at such a complete loss. I am defeated, deflated, I am done. I want to drink. I have not had that urge in years. I am scared for her future and my future. If I died, nobody else in the world could care for her. Not her dad, not my mom, not my dad, not either of my brothers. Nobody. I don't even know what to do anymore. Everything is a struggle with her. I can't do it anymore. I just can't. She's just a kid, and she's MY kid, and I should be able to do this. My heart hurts like it has never hurt before.