He may get D-Hall for not showing up

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by wakeupcall, Feb 9, 2009.

  1. wakeupcall

    wakeupcall Well-Known Member

    difficult child had a melt down tonight. At age 13 he still has encopresis and I kept insisting that he clean up before we went to his band concert, so he didn't smell like man-poop. I told him, he cried; I told him again, he cried; I told him again, he cried.....and so it goes. I finally changed back into my jeans and told him we weren't going. I draw the line on THAT embarrassment. He may be told to go to Detention Hall after school or get an F for the evening. I don't care if they give him an F, but he won't be going to D-Hall.....that's fruitless. I'm hoping that we called difficult child's bluff. This is the first meltdown in a long time. I emailed the band director and told him, but the band director is young (23) and he may not understand. **Sigh**.....:(
  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I hope you just wanted his clean and weren't punishing him (I certainly understand not wanting him to smell phewy). I know many kids with sensory issues have this problem. I hope things get better...sorry about how the night went.
  3. Janna

    Janna New Member

    I dealt with this for a long time. D held his bowels for 8 MONTHS and I cannot even begin to tell you what embarrassment that is in public. So, I can completely relate.

    I wouldn't have gone either. I'm sure, because encopresis IS a real, true problem, it could be out of his control, but the cleanliness is not, and no, he just can't be out like that.

    I hope he learned something.
  4. wakeupcall

    wakeupcall Well-Known Member

    Thanks for understanding, Janna. It's been a real problem for about ten years. It's worse because now he's almost a man......and the odor is that of a man. I just cannot fight the fight sometimes. He makes wonderful grades and if this impacts his band grade, then so be it. It's extremely hard for difficult child to attend all the after school mandatory performances as it is. By the tome school is over all his medications are gone and he can't have more before morning. It's a constant battle of some kind or another..
  5. Janna

    Janna New Member

    Is he holding and leaking or just going in his pants?

    I was lucky, I guess - in that D was young. I had him put in the hospital when he was 6 or 7 and they fed a tube through his nose into his belly and "drained" him. Oh boy was THAT fun LOL! Got him on Miralax (then was a prescription, now I see it at Wal Mart LOL), Citrucel and high fiber. It took a good 2 years to get him regular. It was horrid.

    Guess it's common in developmentally delayed kids, too.
  6. wakeupcall

    wakeupcall Well-Known Member

    He does both....but mostly holding and leaking. We've been to a gastrointerologist with TX Children's Hospital and it was a waste of time. I thought after he saw the x-rays for himself it would make a difference and it didn't. We were told until HE wants to make a difference with it, it'll never happen. We've been the Miralax route, and he's still taking a stool softener, but alas, nothing seems to be helping. I agree, it's horrid.
  7. Janna

    Janna New Member

    Oh, absolutely NOT! You should get a 2nd opinion. We saw the HEAD of PEDIATRICS at a huge hospital here - and he wasn't a gastro - but he knew his stuff.

    Encopresis is a disorder - just like any other, that needs to be fixed. If difficult child has been holding and is to the point of leaking, no Milk of Magnesia or Miralax is going to fix it. We went with the inpatient at the hospital, because the thought of doing it here was horrible, but they actually pumped stuff (Go Lightly) into D's belly to force him to dump - and dump he did - alot, everywhere, until his bowels were totally drained.

    The thing about encopresis is, the signal in the brain that tells you it's time to go, over time - it dies. And, if difficult child is so impacted that he's leaking, that means his intestine is stretched out to try to hold more than what it should.

    He's got a problem. He really needs to be put in the hospital and drained out if he's leaking. Wow...poor kid. I'm really sorry.
  8. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Aw, I'm so sorry.

    I saved face for my difficult child a few times by blaming it on the dogs. ;)

    I know what you mean about the smell.
  9. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I agree with janna that you need another opinion. LAst year Jessie got a horrible cramp right before Christmas. We saw her doctor, the gyn for an ultrasound to see if it was a twisted ovary or cyst, back to her doctor several times. finally on an Xray they saw that is was gas stuck in a backed up intestine. Gas and poop got all impacted and stuck to the lining of her intestines. And even though she had normal looking and seeming poops, and no encopresis, we had to get that stuff worked out.

    We did Miralax, benefiber, mineral oil, with no results. We did the whole Gallon of Go Lightly along with enemas, and NOTHING worked. Finally they put her into the hospital (lots of fun for me 2 weeks after neck surgery, but this wasn't something Dad could do) and they used an old home-remedy that actually WORKED.

    It was an enema of warmed up molasses mixed with milk. An entire jar of molasses mixed with warmed up whole milk - just used the molasses container to measure it. It took several steps to get through it all, and it was NOT FUN, but she felt SO MUCH BETTER afterwards.

    Now we keep her on a really high fiber diet.

    I think if you can get the docs to take another look at htis they should be able to do something. It is a real medical problem.

    But I agree that I would not take him places if he wouldn't clean himself. Esp if you have provided wipes. I know with Jess one thing that helps is to havelittle bags like for diaper disposal or from the dollar store to pick up dog poop in the bathroom. Then he can use wipes and stick them in the bags and close them so no one sees. It preserves their privacy from being teased.

    Anyway, I am sorry you went through the meltdown tonight. I hope you can find help.
  10. Janna

    Janna New Member

    OMG, Susie, you did the Go Lightly at home? LMAO! You are brave! They offered, but I said HECK no! He had way, way more than a gallon, though. Can't recall exactly how much, but I do know they said there was no way a human could drink that much in the time frame he needed to, which is why they shoved the tube up his nose, down his throat, and gave it to him that way.
  11. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It


    For colonoscopies they have you do GoLightly at home. My mom has had a bunch, and I have had one, and it isn't fun. But Jess was 12 and pretty much did it herself. All I had to do was pour the stuff and bring it to her. The docs were ASTOUNDED that GoLightly didn't even help.