He pointed out something!

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by TerryJ2, Jun 23, 2009.

  1. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    I thought that aspies weren't supposed to be able to share ideas and events with-other people ... but a cpl mo's ago, difficult child pointed out some deer in the yard, and about an hr ago, he said, "Hey, Mom, the kittens are meowing now! They talk to each other!"
    Am I dreaming?
    This is rare, but it is happening ... it is spontaneous.
    Any thoughts?
  2. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not


    Sounds like progress to me!!


  3. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Hi, Terry. Not sure why he's not supposed to notice those things. My Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) son does and he makes really great observations that others pass over. In fact, often I think he notices more, feels more, and thinks more than "typical" kids:D. My son is very verbal. He can share a single thought but would have trouble explaining a long, circular thought that was not concrete. He also has trouble with give-and-take conversations although he is better now. And he has a great sense of humor! Don't let those professionals stereotype your precious son!!! All Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) kids are different.
    Having said that, my son would have a very hard time explaining a vacation he went on other than the facts. He would probably not add the little touches. It would be more like, "We drove to Illinois and I had fun. The End."
  4. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I don't know much about Aspergers but I have had a few students and they have been very verbal and shared a lot. I'm glad your difficult child is sharing:)
  5. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    I think Aspies are able to share ideas, thoughts, etc. What might be different is the manner in which the thoughts are shared, or perhaps the content of them. Possibly more fact-based or cerebral, rather than emotion-based.

    So, using the example MWM pointed out of describing a vacation, you might get "stuff we did", or "things we saw", but no elaborate descriptions of the good time that was had by all.

    In any case, it sounds like your difficult child is making progress with verbalizing his thoughts.

  6. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    Aspies tend to have difficulty making stuff up, but certainly they can share observations. In fact they're very effective at reporting details accurately, especially if it's something they're interested in.

    An example I've used was from when difficult child 3 was about 6 years old. He had the window open while we were driving but as the car picked up speed he had to shut it. He told us, "The wind is poking my eyes."

    You will find that Aspies & autistics tend to be especially fascinated with aniimal behaviour, because for them it is a key to understanding human behaviour. They generally do want to fit in and seem normal, but at a basic level they always feel different. That's why Temple Grandin called one of her books "An Anthropologist on Mars" - because she alwasy feels like she's observing an alien culture,when she's trying to understand normal social behaviour.

    What they find important in something they want to share, may not be what you would find significant. For example, when we went to Sydney's Summit Restaurant for easy child's 21st birthday, difficult child 3 wrote about it for school.

    Here is what he wrote, with names of people modified for the site, of course! He was 9 years old at the time he wrote this. Remember, he is autistic with history of language delay - even by this stage he was showing how much he had caught up on language. But he was still showing, by what he chose to report, that he definitely is on the spectrum! Note his careful attention to punctuation and grammar - classic indication of his hyperlexia.

    "The Summit Restaurant

    Location: Australia square

    We went to the Summit to celebrate easy child's birthday. We went with easy child's boyfriend BF1, Grandma, Cousin and her husband, easy child's friends M and N, easy child 2/difficult child 2, difficult child 1, Dad, Mum and Me!
    The Summit was on floor 47.
    The lift was going very fast; I didn't feel it! difficult child 1's ears popped. Unbelievable!
    When we sat down I realised the floor was moving.
    Why the floor was moving it was because it was a revolving restaurant. We moved from North to East, East to South, South to West, and West back to North. Each time the direction changes you get a different view of Sydney. It goes the whole way round in just an hour and a half. There were windows all the way round the restaurant. There was some seafood for lunch. I ate a lot. I ate, ate, ate, ate, ate and ate until I could eat no more. I ate salami sandwiches and ham and salad. And the desserts? There was a lot such as chocolate brownies (yummy), profiter rolls (I didn't like those), there were also cheesecakes, lemon tarts, and difficult child 1's favourite; creme caramel. Then they brought in easy child's birthday cake. It was this big! The cake was full chocolate cake with strawberries and really thick chocolate icing. YUM!
    Next I played a game of sensory chess. This chess set was pegged and computerised.
    Soon it was time to go. Our lift was H4. We went in the lift. The ride took seconds. Then we went home. Then I played a game of Pictionary.

    I had a wonderful time!"

    Say no more!

    Terry, do make sure you write down all these wonderful things and keep files like I did. I've had such a kick just re-reading what difficult child 3 wrote 6 years ago.

    Note that what he wrote was pure reporting. Recount. He also noted things important to him, such as the number of floors and the number of the lift we were in. The chess game is a miniature hand-held computer version, you cna play single player against the machine, which gives us a break. We let him play it when in public and he's getting fed up or has had enough. We used to give him schoolwork to settle him in similar ways. The restaurant was a bit noisy, plus after we'd been round one full rotation, he had already memorised the views and was no longer interested.

  7. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Very interesting, Marg. He's a great writer!

    My difficult child is pretty good at talking up a storm if it's on a topic he likes, but he has difficulty writing well. His thoughts are not organized and no matter what the teachers have taught him about opening sentences, supportiing facts, details, and then conclusion, he just writes whatever comes into his mind, randomly.
  8. mamabear01

    mamabear01 New Member

    My boys will do that with the kitties and such, but my oldest fails to tell me other things that you would think I should know. Those are the things he doesn't bring to me

    Like if something important happened in school, or if he's super anxious about something that happened recently. I have to go by his manner and body language to find out what has happened recently to see why he's so stressed. I have to be a detective and pull things out of him to go "Oh I get it now"

    Otherwise, he thinks things, but then thinks I know because he thinks it. I remember in the early years being confused, because he acted like I should of read his mind. Boy did that confuse me because it was before I knew he had Aspergers.

    My other son, well he does much better verbually and I don't see what I see with my oldest.

    All I can say is, there all different. Everyone of them. My boys, are completly opposite even tho they are both on the spectrum.

    So glad your son has that skill! :)
  9. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I had the idea that those things were maybe harder for Aspies, but not that they were unable to do them. Wiz has more problems with understanding what others are feeling, but he can describe what he sees and always has been able to. OFten what Wiz finds hard is understanding that not everyone sees what he does the way he does.

    I am glad you are seeing progress.
  10. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    difficult child 3 can't write well if he has to do it long-hand, but he's been using a computer for years. That has meant that he just writes and writes, then after he's finished he goes back in and edits. Sometimes we've helped by showing him how to get related ideas together. Or we've shown hi how to do a mind map on the topic, he then composes from that.

    Once he's edited it for grammar and spelling he re-reads it and adds more if he felt he left anything out.

    Along the way we taught him how to use a thesaurus and other writing tools. Once he can stop worrying about his hands hurting, or the physical effort (which always had him mostly focussed on how to keep his word count to an absolute minimum) we get so much more out of him.

  11. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Mamabear, that sounds like my son, too. I'm supposed to be a mind reader when he's agitated. If I ask him what's going on, I get my head bitten off.
    Susie, my difficult child definitely has a problem understanding what others are feeling. We just went through it this a.m. I turned off the car radio because music was irritating me. He pointed out that it was a vocalist I had told him I liked last wk. I don't actually like her, I tolerate her, and this a.m. my tolerance was low. He didn't get it. I compared it to when he's in a bad mood and doesn't like people talking to him.
    He argued that her singing wasn't "real" but people talking to him are speaking directly to him and it's real and very irritationg. I told him that my emotions are real, just like his emotions are real.
    He wasn't having any of it.
    Another day.

    Oh, by the way, I remembered the phrase I read on a cpl Aspie quizzes and in a book or two, "Spontaneous sharing of ideas and experiences."
    My difficult child does that more often now. :)
  12. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    It is cool that he is more able to share things. It really is a sign he is figuring out that others don't automatically see/experience/feel things the way he does.

    It feels really good to see where your interventions and support are coming through in his growth and abilities.
  13. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    Terry, if you had the patience (and I am the first to recognise that sometimes we just feel too burnt out!) I use opportunities like the radio, to teach difficult child 3 about the infinte variety of humen emotion and preferences.

    "I like that singer, but I just don't feel like listening to her today."

    Or you could say, "I like the singer but I have to feel relaxed enough to listen to her in small doses. She's not my favourite."

    To an Aspie, often saying you like something means "I am totally obsessed with this because it is my absolute favourite of all time." Because for an Aspie, that's what "like" means.

    So what you were trying to communicate, was in fact very complex and multifactorial. You were trying to say, "I'm too tired to have vocals in my ears, I preferred either no music or instrumental only today; sometimes my mind needs a rest from too much vocals."

    He also needs to hear, "your brain and my brain work in slightly different ways. There's nothing wrong with that; you arewho you are, and that is wonderful. But I am who I am, and tat is just as important."

    And the ultimate in our famiy - "when it comes to choice of music in the car, the driver gets to choose."

    You don't want an unhappy, distracted driver. Not safe!

  14. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Marg, I'll do better next time. ;)
    And, Yes, it IS my car.
    I have told him that a million times. We've even had entire therapy sessions where the therapist tells him why it's wrong to hit mom's arm when she tries to turn off the radio, especially when you leave a bruise.
    Maybe I should to biofeedback for nerves, while listening to rap. Sort of desentization. Or, it will completely send me over the edge.

  15. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    My middle kids wanted me to listen to Rammstein, even though I was driving the car and it's my choice. So I let them program it in via their iPods, and after the second song I called a halt. "Yes it is interesting, but I find it too dark. I need something light to balance it out. Time for Abba to compensate!"