This is one of the best youtube videos I saw on what happens when the most dominant parent assigns roles to the children. Of late, since my father's estate is almost settled, I have thought about how much I never had a family of origin who accepted anything about me and that now I am going to be 100% leaving my DNA behind me. It has sent me on a binge of reading about narcicistic parents, etc. I do want you to know that 99.9% of the time, I never think about this anymore. The only time it seems to come up is when I have had or will have even casual contact with one of my remaining DNA members. I don't want anyone to think you are stuck with this forever. Truly, it is not a part of my life most of the time. Events do trigger, but they go away. I posted this because I hope that the younger folks who read here get away sooner than I did. I feel like I wasted too much time trying to get unconditional love from family that is not capable of that and that, as the scapegoat, it was even a bigger waste of time. Ugh! I do feel the Scapegoat's only solution is to get away. You will never get what you want, what we ALL want, if you are cast in this role...you won't get that love and respect from your FOO. BUT you CAN get it from a family of choice and you can give them all the the love you have, and you can receive more love than you ever knew existed. You deserve to be treated as a person who is valuable with important accomplishments, even if they are small. You deservedto be believed when you speak and have others know that your good deeds came from your kind soul. Sharing DNA does not equal love in many dysfunctional families. But we can still love and be loved. Don't be afraid to take a chance on loving other people. This is a sad problem for many people who had dysfunctional parents. Don't let them ruin your ability to get close to deserving others. If you do, they win. They have made you unable to feel intimacy, like them. Don't be afraid, like them. Not all people are like those who made us feel small. Having said all that, I do love my siblings, with a special regret that my brother and I grew apart. It was largely my fault as I grew to resent his Golden Child status as my mother's abuse got worse in time. That is my loss. My brother is totally a good person who just happened to be labeled the family Golden Child. I doubt he deliberately harmed anyone in his entire life. He is brave and smart and a good person. However, because if my family role, both of my siblings make me feel uncomfortable;....like they don't really want me around, and I don't know if it's true or not, but I don't want to feel that way. And my feelings matter. Yours do too. You will probably still love your family members, even if you don't see them. As awful as my mother treated me, I do love her, although she is now in spirit. I hope that when I join her, I will understand more about our relationship. I love her, but nobody in this lifetime has hurt me as much as she has. I hope you see something in the video i posted that soothes you. Don't let anyone invalidate your reality or tell you who you are or what you really experienced at the hands of somebody else. They do not know. They were not there. Love and light!