As I read people's stories and experiences I can not stop crying. They are also my story and experience.
I lost my oldest son to a drug overdose/heart failure 2010. He silently suffered his demons before putting himself in the situation that took his life.
My middle child is heading down the same path. And quite turbulently.
My ability to understand what he is going through mentally is exhausted. He manipulates me rather successfully even though I consider myself able to say no when needed. (Such as when he wanted me to mortgage the house to get him out of jail.) He manipulates my guilt.
I feel like detachment is abandonment. Logically I know this is not the case but emotionally.
There is mental illness on both sides of my boys family. Most of it hidden ( of course ) or ignored as an underlying cause of anti social behavior.
My son is 4 k miles away.
I have asked and involved people who also love and care for him. Who have experienced a similar time in their own life's and are either in recovery or aware that my son is now mentally in serious trouble.
Getting my own panic attacks under control when he gets under my skin ... Just thinking about this is almost more then I can handle. Threatens to push me back into my own anxiety spill.
This situation is heartbreaking.
I applaud "us" " all of you here. Trying to find healthy ways of coping.
Thank you
I lost my oldest son to a drug overdose/heart failure 2010. He silently suffered his demons before putting himself in the situation that took his life.
My middle child is heading down the same path. And quite turbulently.
My ability to understand what he is going through mentally is exhausted. He manipulates me rather successfully even though I consider myself able to say no when needed. (Such as when he wanted me to mortgage the house to get him out of jail.) He manipulates my guilt.
I feel like detachment is abandonment. Logically I know this is not the case but emotionally.
There is mental illness on both sides of my boys family. Most of it hidden ( of course ) or ignored as an underlying cause of anti social behavior.
My son is 4 k miles away.
I have asked and involved people who also love and care for him. Who have experienced a similar time in their own life's and are either in recovery or aware that my son is now mentally in serious trouble.
Getting my own panic attacks under control when he gets under my skin ... Just thinking about this is almost more then I can handle. Threatens to push me back into my own anxiety spill.
This situation is heartbreaking.
I applaud "us" " all of you here. Trying to find healthy ways of coping.
Thank you