Hello SA family . . . I'm back!

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by Kathy813, Jun 30, 2016.

  1. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    In case anyone noticed I was MIA, it has been a month of highs and lows. First, my husband had a heart attack a month ago. Luckily, he is fine now after four stents were inserted to open clogged arteries. In fact, he is doing so well, his cardiologist gave him the okay to go on our long planned 10 night cruise to the Baltics. We got back a couple of days ago. It was an amazing trip and he did fine on the trip.

    Also, my daughter got a full time job as a data entry clerk which includes health care and vacation days. She calls it her first adult job. She is doing very well so far and was proud to show us her 90 day NA chip before we left on our trip.

    I hesitate to post this because I don't want to jinx it but I wanted to share that there is hope for all of our kids. My daughter has struggled for ten years and has been in 5 inpatient rehabs and countless IOP and sober houses. She truly seems different this time and recently completed the three month IOP associated with the sober living program and has decided to stay in the sober house for a while because she said she knows that this is a good place for her.

    I will say that I believe one difference is that my husband and I finally learned to set firm boundaries. She realizes now that she has to support herself and she can't do that if she isn't sober.

    As a result, our relationship has improved so much! I enjoy spending time with her now. I know this could all end tomorrow but my therapist reminded me yesterday that I need to live one day at a time . . . just like they teach in AA. Enjoy the good times and hope for the best.

    It's good to be home.

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  2. Jabberwockey

    Jabberwockey Well-Known Member

    Just keep in mind that there will more than likely be setbacks. Hope for the best, plan for the worst. As long as she keeps the realization that SHE has to do it, the setbacks shouldn't be bad and will be the things that we as parents are SUPPOSED to be dealing with in regards to our adult children.
  3. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    We have been through ten years of setbacks . . . I am well aware of the possibility. However, I do think this is the first time she truly wants to live a sober life. In fact, she has said that all of the other times she was in rehab was because we wanted her to go and she had no other options. This time, she found her own rehab and arranged it all herself.

    I remain cautiously optimistic.
    Last edited: Jun 30, 2016
  4. Jabberwockey

    Jabberwockey Well-Known Member

    Oh, I figured you had! Cautiously optimistic is a good way to be.
  5. Calamity Jane

    Calamity Jane Well-Known Member

    Oh, Kathy, that's just incredible (not including the heart attack part)! Seriously, I'm glad your husband recovered so well and so quickly and was able to enjoy the cruise.
    My son has self-medicated with substances since high school, and has borderline personality disorder. We have more lows than highs, unfortunately, but he is going to be 23 this October, and emotionally he's still young. I treasure knowing how far your daughter's come and most of all that you enjoy spending time together. That's huge, because often with Borderline (BPD), one would rather do just about anything than spend time with that person. Loved what you said about having to support herself and she knows she must be sober to do so. That's key, as well as setting and keeping boundaries. I remember the not-so-good old days with your daughter and it truly gives me hope. Thanks so much for posting.
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  6. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet


    So happy to hear your good news! The trip sounds like a dream. I'm sure it was something you and hubby really needed after his medical scare and years of problems with Difficult Child.

    We're going through a lot right now (again) in our family but I think I feel the brunt of it being the mom and so happy to hear some good news!
  7. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Welcome back Kathy. Glad you had a great time and that your daughter is doing well. I share in your cautious optimism. Every day she is sober is one more day in the building block of a sober life!!!
  8. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Kathy, your daughter is behaving like miNE did when she finally quit. So glad hub is doing well, daughter is doing well and you had a well deserved trip. Such wonderful news.
  9. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    Such good news about your SO being well enough to go on your fab trip. Kuddos to daughter for taking it upon herself
  10. in a daze

    in a daze Well-Known Member

    Awesome, Kathy! So glad she's doing well. Your story is an example why we shouldn't give up hope!
  11. worried sick mother

    worried sick mother Active Member

    It's so awesome that you are sharing hope with all of us. So glad your husband has recovered and you had a nice trip. That's wonderful news about your daughter and thanks for the advice.
  12. New Leaf

    New Leaf Well-Known Member

    Welcome back Kathy, thank you for sharing the good news.I am so glad your husband recovered and you both were able to travel together. Hoping the best for you and your family. It is so nice to read good news.
  13. lovemyson1

    lovemyson1 Active Member

    Happy news, I love it!
  14. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    The thing is, I think when THEY decide to change, they do. I don't think they do it because we push them into rehab, although I believe with all my heart it is GOOD to try to at least get them there. But, for any change in life to occur, I believe THEY have to want it to change and usually THEY initiate the changes, not us. Just great, great news. She finally did it on her own. So encouraging.
  15. toughlovin

    toughlovin Well-Known Member

    Kathy - good to hear the good news about your daughter. Gives me some hope.....and maybe I am ready to set even firmer boundaries and really cut off support. I will update in a separate post.
  16. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Well-Known Member

    I knew it would happen one day...so glad your daughter joined the clean life club!! :)
  17. trolli

    trolli New Member

    So glad your hubby is o.k and that your daughter is doing well.This gives me hope as my daughter is about to go into a treatment center.I have so many questions and what ifs,but I know I must take it a step at a time.This is all very new to me.I know that if she comes home the cycle will begin again but I'm hoping that she can gain some tools to manage her life.So happy for you.Will keep fingers and toes crossed that she continues to do well