Help advise for daughter

[Kimm]

I’m a mother of an adult daughter.39 years old. She has done nothing with her life since @ 20 yrs old. One job for 6 months, 2 abusive relationships. One lasted 8 years the other shortly after till present time. For @ 10 years daughter in & out of rehabs for substance abuse. Basically anything she could shoot in her body. She stopped drugs & turned to alcohol. In & out of rehab for alcohol abuse for 8 years. She is in an abusive relationship with her boyfriend & they both live destructive lives. She has cirrhosis of the liver, & doctors have told her & myself she will die if she doesn’t stop. Jail for 6 days last year didn’t change her ways & now she’s back in jail for battery for hitting her boyfriend. She’s been in jail now 15 days begging me to bail her out. I’ve tried to reach out for court order treatment
But no luck! I feel if she is in jail she can’t drink etc... people around me say I shouldn’t leave her in jail because she is not a criminal but they have no clue what it is like to have a child who is an addict.
She promises everything which is the same thing I’ve heard a thousand times. I’m 60 & her stepdad is 66. There is sooo much I’ve left out but feel I would rather see her in jail sober etc.. then to bail her out & her to continue drinking and live a destructive life.
Just need advice if I’m doing the right thing by leaving her in jail?? Thank you so much for reading this

 

[Crayola13]

She cannot drink in jail, so maybe staying in there might get her off alcohol. I hope the staff is monitoring her for signs of withdrawal. Some people have to go to s treatment center or hospital if they begin having delirium tremors, etc.

When is she supposed to be released?

 

[Crayola13]

Also, I forgot to add that 12-step programs are the standard treatment at rehab centers, despite the high failure rate. There are other forms of treatment that work better in my opinion, especially for addicts who drink because of anxiety, depression, etc. 12-step programs are the cheapest, but I think a lot of addicts fail that program because it is designed as one size fits all.

 

[Nomad]

I like what crayola above has said. She might be safer in jail as she can't drink there and of course, she would need to be monitored for withdrawal. Perhaps a 12 step program or another rehab plus appropriate medical care might bring her to a better place upon her release. I have heard of stories where it took many, many rehabs before the person was motivated to sincerely work on themselves. I suppose it's possible they take a little something from each experience until finally something "clicks." Search here for "detachment" information. Avoid enabling. And very important...take excellent care of yourself.

 

[Crayola13]

She needs to come to the realization that she matters. She doesn’t think she’s important enough to stop being with abusive men. She’s probably depressed and down on herself because of all the men who have beat her, but she has to figure out why she continually allows men like them into her life. She doesn’t have to be with those types of men. Her life matters too much to tolerate that. She needs to know she can find something better. Maybe she thinks she’s not good enough, etc. for a man who would treat her right. Maybe she needs therapy for low self-esteem or low confidence. I hope she will love herself enough to leave the drinking and abusive boyfriends once and for all.