Help! New here and FRUSTRATED with-difficult child

[CCRidr2]

Hi! I am a 37 yo Mom with 1 difficult child and 2 semi-easy child's. Our difficult child is 9 now and was diagnosis'd at 6 with ADHD and ODD. We thought we were doing fine but in the last year our difficult child has been getting worse. Biggest problems are lying without remorse even when faced with obvious proof of truth, stealing from us and now the neighbor kids, and destruction of his own property, neighborhood kids property, husband's and my property including our home (i.e. walls, doors, carpet, etc). We are at our wits end. He is on RX's for the ADHD but the ODD is getting worse. I dread every day and what battle will be fought today when he gets home from school. In addition I have spinal stenosis and deg. disc disease so a lot of time he gets the better of me because I am in pain. Last night he scraped paint off his bedroom wall, beautiful new paint job, and started digging a hole in the drywall! I broke down in tears. husband says to get him to a behavioral specialist, like our difficult child can control all this. I say it is worse than that and we need to get our difficult child psychiatric help or an Residential Treatment Center (RTC) because the other 2 easy child's are even fed up with difficult child, they are usually supportive. This is destroying our home and I just don't know what to do next!

CC

 

[oceans]

I think he needs a very extensive evaluation. If he is on medications now, he must have a psychiatrist already? Sometimes kids are diangosed at at early age with ADD/ODD, and it turns out to be something else. As they grow, more syptoms become apparent. Often, if you can find out what else is wrong and they are treated with the correct medication then the ODD behavior improves, or goes away. My son was treated with Stimulants and antidepressants, and they never worked. He is now on different medications, and he is like a easy child now, and all the ODD behavior is totally gone. It is not an easy road. We changed psychiatrists several times, and he was an inpatient at 2 different hosptials...

 

[lordhelpme]

welcome!
i am sorry that you are going this but you have found a place for support and some good info.

from my short experience i would say that some psychiatrist help is in order along with-therapy. especially with-odd which medications can't help you definitely need to teach him how to behave appropiately and that takes time.

i think i wiil be backed up to suggest to you the book the explosive child by ross greene. it can really help with meltdowns and how to handle them.

also the gals will suggests that you go into your settings and add a signature that lists the age and diagnosis of your difficult child so we know how to direct our answers in future posts.

{{HUGS}} we are here for you!

 

[Wiped Out]

Welcome,
I'm sorry things are such a struggle. I know with my difficult child stimulants made him worse but each case is so different. I like Ocean's suggestions about an extensive evaluation.

I'm glad you found us-the support here is amazing.

 

[BusynMember]

Hi and welcome here. My mom gut and experience says to see a Child Psychiatrist (with the MD) or/and a neuropsychologist, but not to trust a Pediatric Neurologist to diagnose what is probably a psychiatric disorder. It's not his field. ADHD/ODD is often the first diagnosis. when it's really something else and the medications for it can make other problems even worse. The first thing I'd do is get a re-evaluation by a Psychiatrist then set up an appointment. with a neuropsychologist (they do intensive testing and often have long waiting lists because they're really good, but they're worth the wait)--much different type of testing than a neurologist would do, and it is pretty on-the-mark (or as close as you can get without a blood test). I wouldn't let anyone except a Child Psychiatrist or a neuropsychologist (preferably both) diagnose my child. I've had two wrong diagnoses for my son and tons of wrong medications. I'd be careful about who I allowed myself to trust with the diagnosis. and medications. The neuropsychologist actually did the most testing and the best testing for my son, and he hit the nail on the head, while even the psychiatrist missed it with him, as did his neurologist. ODD is usually the result of a bigger disorder, not a disorder itself. Often ODDers respond well to mood stabilizers, which is an indication to me that ODD is often diagnosed when it's really early onset bipolar, and there's ton of help for Early Onset Bi-Polar (EOBP). If mood disorders or substance abuse are in the family tree it could well be a mood disorder, which is made worse by stimulants or antidepressants (or any ADHD medications). Could also be high functioning autism, which mimics bipolar in kids. The ODD should get better with stims, not worse, if it's due to ADHD. Good luck

 

[CCRidr2]

Hi, thank you so much for your help. Our doctor didn't do blood tests, he sat down and talked to me and our difficult child and called his school and talked to his teachers. We are going to get a psychiatric evaluation though. I was afraid it was Early Onset Bi-Polar (EOBP). My husband doesn't even want to think about that. It took me 2 years to even convince him our difficult child's behavior wasn't normal and let me take to a DR. Our difficult child is my husbands bio son with-former wife (has been out of our life for 8 yrs). Bio mom was diagnosis'd with borderline BiPolar (BP) when she was about 25. Again, thank you so much! I showed this sight to husband last night and he actually read some stuff. Maybe the fact that we're not alone will help him free up his thinking.

 

[Marguerite]

Welcome. I strongly encourage you to support your husband in reading the posts here and maybe even posting himself if he has questions. It has been a marvellous aide for me and husband - we thought we were on the same wavelength before, but this helps enormously. He mostly lurks but generally checks what I post at some stage because it helps him know what I'm thinking not only about difficult child 3, but about other issues too. Although we tell each other everything, sometimes I express it differently here and he gets an even better understanding.

To give your son the best help, you and husband have to be on the same page. This site helps enormously.

We also found "The Explosive Child" by Ross Greene to be very helpful, although husband couldn't read it through. I wrote a summary for him and he's read the posts here, though, and this has helped him really understand it. Explaining it to him helped me get it straight in my head, too.

So a welcome to you, and a welcome to your husband. And don't be too scared - the sooner your difficult child gets a thorough evaluation, the sooner you can put some help in place and hopefully give you the best chance at early intervention.

Marg

 

[Sheila]

On the FAQ/Board Help forum, you'll find a thread that talks about how to prepare a Parent Report. They can be very helpful for the professionals evaluating a difficult child. In that so many disorders are genetic, it's a good idea to include info regarding diagnosis's of blood relatives.

Glad you found us. Welcome aboard!