This is my first post, bear with me as I'm typing on my phone. I am a step-mom to a 13 year old boy and a mom to a 5 month old boy. I've always said the 13 year old was mine and have treated him in such way. When I met my husband he did not have custody of let's call him Sal. Sal was 8 and lived with his mom, nana, sister and whoever mom was dating at any given time. Shortly after my husband and I began dating, Sal's Nana passed away. Bio-mom suffered from multiple addictions including Heroin. After nana passed away she had many family members move in and Sal, his mom and sister shared a room. I could go on for days about all the things wrong In the household, but long story made short my husband fought for custody and won in 2013. My husband isn't perfect and is learning. Sometimes when he's angry he overreacts the apologizes later. When Sal moved in we knew ther would be some adjustments. The first year or so everything seemed good. I used to brag how good he was and how blessed we were. Then I began noticing small behaviors that were easily brushed off by his past. He also has an issue with lying which like I said I just brushed off. Sal is now 13. He has an xbox but not computer or cell phone. When he's grounded basically he's not allowed it play Xbox, and if his room isn't clean while grounded he can't read or draw or play til his room is clean. He was still involved in family activities and school activities. As of April I have been in the process of adopting him as he's not seen his bio mom for over a year. Now for my venting/stressing. Last year Sal was in trouble at school for hitting a female second grader in the face on the bus. When the principal called I said not my kid, I called him downstairs and asked what happened on the bus his initial response was "I didn't know she had sensitive skin" so we found out he had hit her because she was asking him too many questions and he was playing a game on someone's phone. We seemed to handle the situation pretty well and put him in therapy in case he had some residual feelings or anger with the whole bio mom situation. Sal and I have always had open communication. I always try to let him talk without judgment. It seems like he is really charming and good at telling you what you want to hear. He has admitted to me that he looks for situations he can take advantage of and doesn't know why. Again I brushed it off as typical kid. I knew that his dad was more strict than I and allowed him to have a little more freedom with me for that reason. But he still seems to find situations he can gain from and take advantage of them. Ok so not sure how to say this out loud as a family we have only discussed it with the therapist. Sal had been getting over affectionate and I told his dad I was feeling uncomfortable. His dad said with the adoption in motion and all maybe he's looking for motherly affection and not to over think it. About a month ago now, we had just got back from a mini vacation and his dad was at work. I told him to bring his clothes upstairs and unpack. He went upstairs and kept calling our dog, I explained if the dog wants to stay downstairs it's ok. But he kept pushing (I figured because the dog was a distraction from cleaning). The dog has free roam of the house and he comes up and downstairs as he pleases. Meanwhile, his dad gets home from work. So we are in the living room and we can hear loud noises from his room like he was throwing something or dropping something, I said he was supposed to be putting his clothes away. His dad goes upstairs to see what he was doing... his dad described the situation as: he went upstairs, his door was open, Sal was bent over the bed with his underwear pulled down, he was aroused, and was allowing the dog to penetrate him. When my husband said "what are you doing" he put his head on the bed and said "something stupid"... I couldn't believe it, didn't want to believe it. When asking Sal questions he would lie and back track and lie. I'm sure some was embarrassment. But over the span of 4 hours we were able to determine it had been going on for 3 months, he had put objects in the dog and himself and had masturbated the dog with his hand. He admitted to me that he did it because it felt good. He also said that he lies so much he can't control it. That night we decided to no longer talk about it til we could see his therapist and Sal was like a normal kid making jokes and laughing the only guilt or remorse or whatever you want to call it was he wanted to make sure he was still allowed to go to summer camp the following week. My husband and I think he was more sorry he was caught then that he had done what he did. The following day we went to the therapist. Again, he was acting like everything was great and wonderful. The therapist thought he should go to camp but should have a physical exam first. Mind you my husband and I are in tears and visibly upset, Sal no care in the world. Whenever we attempted to eat we couldn't, Sal ate like a normal. When I explained one time to Sal that we were upset and that's why we couldn't eat, he exclaimed that he didn't understand why we couldn't just drink and forget about it to eat.his dad sometimes drinks and plays video games but usually waits for Sal to go to bed. With the therapists suggestion we asked him to keep his door open. The next day when it was closed I knocked and said "Sal, the door stays open" and angrily he said "why?" And I just looked at him and said "door stays open" and again more annoyed he says "I don't get why" At the physical exam he said "so if you check me does that mean this is all over and I can go to camp" ugh With a super worried and scared heart we sent him to camp. Part of it was selfish, my husband wasn't eating and with the baby I couldn't allow myself to feel comfortable with the baby. Here we are today. He he's been to another therapy session which we haven't been invited into. Therapist told us to keep doing what we are doing. My husband is acting like it never happened and so is Sal. Every morning he tries to come in my room and lay in my bed... with the baby. He insistingly knocks and if I say I'm feedinbgbthe baby he waits outside my door til he thinks I'm done then knocks again. Also my dad visited with my nephew and he kept trying to come in the bathroom when I was giving him a bath. I am sooo torn? I get this uneasy pit in my stomach whenever he knocks on my door or when I'm around him. I'm upset/angry because I don't think he sorry and I don't think he feels anything but entitlement. I try not to come out of my room with the baby til his dad comes home. I don't know how to be normal or act normal about all of this. I resent him and hate what he's done and it kills me because I know I'm supposed to be loving and understanding. I don't trust him with the baby and I think he's just telling us and the therapist what we want to hear in order to get this over with quicker. I don't know what to do, how to feel or act. I keep looking back to things that I feel like I should've noticed and thinking about things that I might not have noticed or I should've been worried about.