Help, sympathy, or perspective - UPDATE

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by tessaturtle, Jul 28, 2008.

  1. tessaturtle

    tessaturtle New Member

    THank you everyone for your kind words, encouragement, and thoughts!

    Update: difficult child threw a chair at summer school last Tuesday in response to earning a time-out, so he was suspended for the next day. I got the phone call at work from the school so I had time to get in touch with SO at his work so i could tell him and so we could come up with appropriate consequences when difficult child got home. WHen difficult child returned home from his outing with his home based therapist (who is a complete loon, I don't trust, and ever since she came in the picture difficult child has had all these "perceptions" about how "I" have too many rules and I rule the house...she is a whole 'nother story!), SO met them outside and sure enough, the loony lady starts in again about how difficult child is nervous about what sort of consequence "I" will give to him for his behavior at school! SO stopped her and difficult child immediately and told them that he has no idea how difficult child EVER got that idea in his head and that BOTH of us come up with rules and enforce them and that SO already had decided what the consequences were going to be. Later on, while difficult child was stewing in his room, SO went down there to tell him again that there is not one "ruler" in the house and that we both are equal etc.

    SO and I had a talk before he chatted with difficult child and I told SO how I felt ambushed at that meeting and it wasn't fair. I also pointed out that the majority of the "rules" in the house were there before I came along anyway and the ones that were new we both agreed on. He agreed and also said he didn't want me to feel ambushed and he apologized. He said he has no idea where difficult child has been getting these "perceptions". He told me something that difficult child said to him outside. I can't remember the exact words, but I pointed out to SO that they were (big) words I have NEVER heard difficult child use and it sounded suspiciously like something the loony lady might say. I then said to SO that it seems awfully coincidental to me that this all started coming out since home-based therapist lady started. I had pointed out weeks before how difficult child always blows up at me for no reason after he visits with this loony lady.

    ANYWAY, we have a meeting with difficult child's therapist today. THis is the meeting she set up to discuss what she had brought up before (at the ambush meeting!). Lovely. SO and I talked last night, and we both agreed that with difficult child throwing chairs at school and kicking SO in the groin this weekend, this other stuff seems a tad insignificant. SO also shares in my frustration that this therapist and this home based loon keep saying this is difficult child's "perception", however, they don't do anything to help dispel it, they also are not at our house to see what really goes on.

    WIsh me luck!!
    THanks again for listening!
  2. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    GOOD LUCK!!!

    I am so sorry you are stuck with-Loony Lady. Can't you get another home based person? She is really ruining things. Arrrrrrggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!
  3. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    I hope difficult child figures out he's being fed a line by the home based therapist. It sounds like she's triangulating, in my humble opinion. Good for SO for clearing the air.
  4. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm a little late on this so you've already had your meeting. How did it go? Any way the loon can be replaced?

  5. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Has SO thought about a new therapist? This one seems very unhelpful.
    Also, has this child had a complete evaluation so SO knows what's going on with her? Maybe your parenting has nothing to do with it. Many kids who are atypical just do not respond to normal parenting. It's not your fault. The child needs a different sort of help, more involved than you just changing your parenting style. Has the child seen a neuropsychologist? That could help you more than twenty visits to a therapist (especially one pointing fingers).
    I'd look for that neuropsychologist...when was the last evaluation done? KIds change so much that evaluations can become outdated very quickly. As they mature, more stuff shows up that can make it easier to figure out what is really wrong. And therapists aren't good diagnosticians.
    Good luck, whatever you decide.
  6. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I hope the appointment goes well! Glad SO is setting the record straight!