A difficult child can be telling the truth and feeling like he/she is giving a truthful, detailed account but still could have misunderstood. However, if the child is one likely to misunderstand, then virtually by definition, it was the wrongthing to do.
My boss occasionally would give me a friendly swat on the behind. A few times he would pat me on the head. I didn't like it, but I didn't sense any sexual harrassment component to this - it was patronising, it was sexist, but there was no implied threat or pressure coming from this. However, i still could have made a great deal of t rouble for him - only I knew he was an old man who simply didn't know any better and who was just behaving as only he knew. He had no idea of what was appropriate in the workplace any more. I was the only female employee and the only one likely to be around until; he retired, so making a complaint wouldn't have saved anyone else- there was nobody else to protect. So I dealt with this in my own way - I patronised him right back, by rubbing his bald head and pretending to polish it.
This was, I felt, a one-off situation requiring a totally different response.
And sometimes it's that way with incidents like this. If difficult child was being given a smack as a punishment, this is highly inappropriate for ANYBODY under the circumstances described - such punishments should follow after the child is spoken to about what they've done wrong and why they are being punished.
I do wonder, therefore, if this was intended as a playful, friendly swat on the rear from someone who thought he was at liberty to do this - a friend of the family, for example, just being playful. If the difficult child didn't recognise the person (and I know difficult child 3 wouldn't have, he does have some facial blindness) then this could be completely misconstrued and cause considerable distress and misunderstanding.
Our family was raised very strictly. Back in the 1940s my eldest sister and eldest brother were waiting at the shops while our mother was in the store buying groceries. The two of them were under ten years old. A man they didn't know came up to them and gave them a sixpence each - the equivalent today of giving them $5 each. My sister told the man, "We're not allowed to take money from strangers," but he insisted. She had been told by Mum to not go into the store but she hung onto her little brother's hand and they stayed as close to the door as they could. When they thought the man had gone, my sister threw her coin away and made my brother do the same - he didn't want to. The man saw this and was cross, as our mother came out of the store he spoke to her sharply about how rude the children were. It turned out he was an old friend of our mothers and didn't realise the children didn't recognise him. My mother was polite to him but told him the children were doing as they had been taught - they just didn't realise he was not a stranger. Later at home, she praised my sister for being so obedient; Mum was not cross at the loss of the money, the man should have known better.
From the man's point of view, he was doing nothing wrong. From the children's point of view, he was an evil stranger trying to steal them away.
Who was right? Where did the truth lie?
I find difficult child's story simply incredible. This doesn't mean I disbelieve him in any way, but I'm sure there is more to this story than he realises. And if this counsellor WAS being playful and friendly, it has backfired badly. You do not play like this with a child who has any likelihood of misunderstanding. It distresses the child and it leads to embarrassing explanations.
Good luck in sorting this one out. And if it turns out that a staff member WAS punishing difficult child in this way, and this is against the rules, then this is a lesson that must be learned, one way or another. Action needs to be followed.
Marg
