Help!! Teacher hit my son.

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by SnowAngel, Sep 21, 2007.

  1. SnowAngel

    SnowAngel New Member

    My son came home and informed me that a teacher who was in his class hit(like a spanking) him on the but. The teacher is a Special Education teacher for a student in peanuts class.

    The school was closed when I found out. I called the school district but only got some guy in human resources. He wants me to e-mail him a statement but I am scared that will limit our options.

    What do I do?
  2. mrscatinthehat

    mrscatinthehat Seussical

    I am so sorry to hear this. I am not sure what you should do but I did wonder as I don't know is he being completely truthfull. I would be sure of that then I would address it immediately.

  3. SnowAngel

    SnowAngel New Member

    He is being honest. This is not even his teacher. I wish I could say he made it up. The teacher walked right up behind him and smacked his but, then walked off. My son was talking to another student but I have never thought it was okay for a teacher to hit a student.
  4. wakeupcall

    wakeupcall Well-Known Member

    You must find out the facts first. Our darlings have a way of blowing it out of proportion. BUT if it happened the way your difficult child said it did.....get 'em. I really regret not taking more action when my little one was in first grade and he was in a room by himself for seven hours (only had lunch because I had put a sack lunch in his backpack and he also wet this pants). I DID take it to the superintendent, but we should have done more. Things like this BURN me up!!!!
  5. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    If you are 100% sure it happened, call the police and file a complaint. Do not send the school district a statement.
  6. AllStressedOut

    AllStressedOut New Member

    I agree, call the police and do not file a statement with the school district. I would also contact an attorney. I'd be fuming.

    I'm sorry this happened!
  7. Dara

    Dara New Member

    I am so sorry this happened. I dont have any advice to offer but I tend to agree with the others in calling an attorny and call the police. Hope all of this gets straitened out easily and quickly!
  8. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I agree that you need to protect your child. Make sure it happened (who was he talking to and will they verify?). Then file a suit against the teacher and the school, and press assault charges.

    It is unlawful for parents to spank children in many areas. Or, it may be legal, but DHS still comes a callin'. Why would it be OK for a teacher to hit a child?

    It certainly sounds like a teacher needs a new home, one with cement walls and iron bars.


    ps. DO NOT SEND THE SCHOOL ANYTHING. Verify and then send a lawyer to the school.
  9. Sheila

    Sheila Moderator

    As someone else indicated, our kids' perception of an event may not be correct. I'd do some investigating before jumping the gun on this.

    If corporal punishment is allowed, a swat on the booty may not even be a violation of sd policy (though doing it in front of other students very well may be). If you find out that it is policy, you may want to consider writing a letter exempting your child from corporal punishment.

    The teacher may have had a momentary lapse in judgement or it may be something that has a reasonable explanation.

    Walk softly. If they feel they are dealing with an unreasonable parent they will circle the wagons and you will not get any information. In that you were directed to write a statement, that might happen anyway but try to be fair. No use causing undue hardship on an undeserving party.

    It's upsetting, I know. But I recommend that you find out as much as possible before writing a statement or taking any other action.
  10. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I agree with Sheila.

    Please get all of the facts before you act. While I agree that you should press charges if the teacher did purposely strike your difficult child with the intent to cause harm, there is the possibility it didn't happen as described and you could ruin an innocent teacher's career.

    I can't imagine that any teacher in this day and age of lawsuits would not know that striking a child is career suicide. And to just walk by and swat your child doesn't make any sense to me.

    I certainly do understand that you need to get to the bottom of this.


  11. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    I agree with Sheila and Kathy. Speaking from experience, difficult child's - any kid, actually - tend to only give part of the story or completely misread the situation.
  12. neednewtechnique

    neednewtechnique New Member

    THIS IS HORRIBLE!! I am so sorry for you! I agree about investigating the school's policy on corporal punishment, although this CAN be done quietly, probably as simply as reading the school handbook. There is always a section in those books about their methods of handling undesirable behaviors. If you didn't keep a copy of the handbook, I would check with another parent that you trust to see if they have a copy. Or you could check if the school has a website, most of the time there is an electronic copy of the handbook on the website.

    If in fact the teacher did smack your son and they don't allow corporal punishment, then I agree you should just shoot straight over the SD and go straight to the police. File a formal complaint and take things from there. If the police press formal charges, they will handle the court stuff and you will not have to shell out the dough for an attorney. If they don't press criminal charges, and you still wish to take her to civil court, then you will unfortunately have to pay for an attorney, unless you try to take her on yourself, which I don't recommend.....
  13. tinamarie1

    tinamarie1 Member

    I agree with Sheila...look more into it before filing a police complaint. I have charged like a mad bull more than one time when difficult child has told me of things happening, and I ALWAYS find out there is much more to the story that he left out. I would get the teachers version of the events, and if they jive and it makes sense, and the teacher did hit him, I would file a police complaint at that time.
  14. SnowAngel

    SnowAngel New Member

    The principal called me and said the man in question is in fact a school counselor. We will be at the school bright and early Monday so she can talk to peanut and get his account of what happened.

    When peanut is not telling the truth he avoids questions and gets enraged with anger, especially when he is in the wrong. This time he answered my who,why,when,how and where questions without any anger. I believe him. I hope it is some misunderstanding, however he has not been this insistant on anything in a long time.

    I do appreciate all of the advice. He doesnt want to go back to school now. Hopefully Monday I will have a better idea of why and what to do after the principal does her investigation.
  15. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member

    Yes, he may be telling the truth and still not get it right. It is a difficult children perception of what happened that can get skewed. It has happened with my difficult child many times and I have read it here a million times. There may be no lie. But, he still may not be telling you the right story.

    The only reason I mention it is that I hope you take the weekend to try to find a calm place - although very difficult with the scenario that you have heard. If this did happen, you will have a long, hard battle on your hands. You need that principal on your side no matter what. So, be gentle and kind to the principal. Hopefully, the story you get Monday will make things clearer and not more confusing - that is the worst case scenario. Well, other than your son being spanked at school, in front of other kids.
    I am so sorry for that.
  16. Jessica mom of 2

    Jessica mom of 2 New Member

    I agree with everyone! I understand everyone saying make sure that this is happened first and foremost. BUT, teachers have no reason what so ever putting there hands anywhere near a childs rear end. I know that accidents happen but you have to decide whether you believe that your son knows the difference from a swipe on his behind or whether it was an accident. So as long as you know that your son is being honest that the teachers hand made contact with your childs rear, yes I would contact authorities and ASAP.

    Was he doing anything wrong? I know whether he was doing something wrong or not doesn't matter, I am just curious.

    Keep us posted!
  17. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I'm late to check in. Whether or not corporal punishment is allowed in school (to this Midwesterner that sounds unreal) nobody in school will ever lay a hand on MY kid, no matter WHAT he did. That's not their option. I'd call CPS to investigate if I really thought it happened, and let them sort it out.
  18. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    A difficult child can be telling the truth and feeling like he/she is giving a truthful, detailed account but still could have misunderstood. However, if the child is one likely to misunderstand, then virtually by definition, it was the wrongthing to do.

    My boss occasionally would give me a friendly swat on the behind. A few times he would pat me on the head. I didn't like it, but I didn't sense any sexual harrassment component to this - it was patronising, it was sexist, but there was no implied threat or pressure coming from this. However, i still could have made a great deal of t rouble for him - only I knew he was an old man who simply didn't know any better and who was just behaving as only he knew. He had no idea of what was appropriate in the workplace any more. I was the only female employee and the only one likely to be around until; he retired, so making a complaint wouldn't have saved anyone else- there was nobody else to protect. So I dealt with this in my own way - I patronised him right back, by rubbing his bald head and pretending to polish it.
    This was, I felt, a one-off situation requiring a totally different response.

    And sometimes it's that way with incidents like this. If difficult child was being given a smack as a punishment, this is highly inappropriate for ANYBODY under the circumstances described - such punishments should follow after the child is spoken to about what they've done wrong and why they are being punished.
    I do wonder, therefore, if this was intended as a playful, friendly swat on the rear from someone who thought he was at liberty to do this - a friend of the family, for example, just being playful. If the difficult child didn't recognise the person (and I know difficult child 3 wouldn't have, he does have some facial blindness) then this could be completely misconstrued and cause considerable distress and misunderstanding.

    Our family was raised very strictly. Back in the 1940s my eldest sister and eldest brother were waiting at the shops while our mother was in the store buying groceries. The two of them were under ten years old. A man they didn't know came up to them and gave them a sixpence each - the equivalent today of giving them $5 each. My sister told the man, "We're not allowed to take money from strangers," but he insisted. She had been told by Mum to not go into the store but she hung onto her little brother's hand and they stayed as close to the door as they could. When they thought the man had gone, my sister threw her coin away and made my brother do the same - he didn't want to. The man saw this and was cross, as our mother came out of the store he spoke to her sharply about how rude the children were. It turned out he was an old friend of our mothers and didn't realise the children didn't recognise him. My mother was polite to him but told him the children were doing as they had been taught - they just didn't realise he was not a stranger. Later at home, she praised my sister for being so obedient; Mum was not cross at the loss of the money, the man should have known better.

    From the man's point of view, he was doing nothing wrong. From the children's point of view, he was an evil stranger trying to steal them away.

    Who was right? Where did the truth lie?

    I find difficult child's story simply incredible. This doesn't mean I disbelieve him in any way, but I'm sure there is more to this story than he realises. And if this counsellor WAS being playful and friendly, it has backfired badly. You do not play like this with a child who has any likelihood of misunderstanding. It distresses the child and it leads to embarrassing explanations.

    Good luck in sorting this one out. And if it turns out that a staff member WAS punishing difficult child in this way, and this is against the rules, then this is a lesson that must be learned, one way or another. Action needs to be followed.

  19. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member

    In many schools corporal punishment is not only allowed, a parent cannot opt out for their child. At least that was the case when my kids were in school.

    I know in NC a teacher is not "supposed to" spank in the classroom but it does happen on occasion where one may do the odd pop on the butt with the very young ones. Most of the time the kids are sent to the office and paddlings are handled by the Principal with witnesses. Back when mine where in school, you couldnt opt out of this.

    Even when mine were in SC schools we couldnt opt out and Billy was going to be paddled for eating a cupcake at a class party even though he didnt finish his work when he was in first grade. That made me mad! I told them if they paddled him (with a wooden paddle mind you) I was going to hit them with a 2 x 4!
  20. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    So sorry you have to deal with-this, especially the "not knowing" part on a weekend!

    When peanut is not telling the truth he avoids questions and gets enraged with anger, especially when he is in the wrong. This time he answered my who,why,when,how and where questions without any anger.

    Wow, this sounds exactly like my difficult child!

    Good luck Mon. a.m.