Hi Donna. Welcome back.
Your son is ten, there are so many possibilities that could be triggering his raging. It is so difficult especially when they are non-verbal.
Trying to get into his head somehow can help. Everything he does makes sense - to him. There is a reason for everything. None of it is random.
How long ago did you notice these behavioural changes? Can you think of anything that changed in his environment at about the same time? A change in teacher perhaps? A different aide? A change in classmate? Enrolling him in a new program?
I found it a bit hard to fully understand your post due to a combination of your shorthand and lack of full-stops, so please bear with me and correct me if I misunderstand. I gather that the school CAN control his current rages but even though you use the same strategies they do, you cannot? Sometimes kids do behave worse at home because they feel less constrained, and also feel that we (parents) have a direct hot link to the workings of their brain and should KNOW what is bothering them - Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) kids especially are like this, even the high-functioning ones. And when we fail to read their minds, they get angry with us because OF COURSE they believe we're being deliberately obstructive and choosing to not understand.
Some of this could be the beginnings of puberty hormones, but unless he's obviously developing fast in other ways (major growth spurt; rapid puberty changes in sexual development), I would be looking for other causes.
I wouldn't be thinking mood disorder just yet - it's just too easy to whack on yet another label, when it's far more likely to be pure frustration, especially since from your description he has communication problems. Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) kids are capable of some very impressive rages, purely from their own high levels of frustration. A mood disorder label will do nothing to solve the underlying frustration.
The more I think about this, the more I think something in his environment has changed and he's not coping.
And please forgive me for bringing this up, but especially in a kid who cannot tell you in any detail of a problem, the likelihood that it could be connected to some form of abuse is much higher. Non-verbal kids are ideal targets - not just for pedophiles, but also for bullies and people who just like to torment others. Also, it could be that someone in his environment is giving him a hard time in some way - people sometimes think they know how to 'help' kids like ours and they interfere, then quickly walk away when it becomes clear that their brilliant idea isn't working.
A young friend of ours is autistic and non-verbal. He's actually been beginning to use some simple sentences at about age 9, but went through some behaviour deterioration when he was 6. At the time the deterioration was put down as a worsening in his condition. However, his mother was observing him carefully and noticed he was reacting worse in a couple of specific locations near the route between home and school. She found out, by carefully questioning him and asking him to SHOW her what had been happening. It turned out the boy had been molested sexually by the driver who had been assigned to transport the boy to his Special Education placement on a daily basis. Because the boy was non-verbal the police said they couldn't make a case. It also meant the driver was not sacked, but was instead transferred.
But getting back on topic - it needn't be anything this bad. There can sometimes be a very simple explanation. difficult child 3 had worsening behaviour every school year towards the end of the school year. The reasons were complex:
* he was getting mentally exhausted by the ongoing effort
* he was getting hassled by other kids who kept changing the rules on him, because they could get away with it, nobody would believe the weird kid, or fight for his rights
* teachers were more tired at the end of the school year, and less vigilant
* new staff member arrived who thought he had all the answers, knew better than parents & doctor and tried to set up his own way of "curing" difficult child 3.
A combination of all of the above meant we had to deal with a range of problems. However, as each part of the problem was reduced, the behaviour began to improve.
You may never find out the exact details. But I think there are a few things you can do. Again, forgive me if I mention anything you've already tried.
1) Talk to the school. Talk to his teachers, his aides, other parents, other kids (if possible). Be laid-back, not too intense (at least to begin with). Ask about any changes to routine, staffing, methods, any changes to who is in the class or who is not. Ask about transport to and from, who does it and who is present also.
2) While talking to the school, ask when THEY feel any problems began and what THEY think may have been a factor. Try to get a feel for how they react to your son.
3) Ask the school for advice on how they handle him. Again, just because it is working doesn't mean it's the right method long-term. It could be, but keep an open mind.
4) Find a psychologist who can work with him to try to find out why he is so upset. SOMETHING is upsetting your son, he is not getting through to people to explain why he is upset and what he wants people to do - maybe a psychologist experienced at working with Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) kids can help. A kid with language issues can still get a message across.
5) Take notes. All the time. Keep a diary on him and write down any issues. Good, bad, interesting - write it all down even if you're sure you will remember. It's amazing what you forget. And often when you go back over old notes, you can find clues as well as see obvious improvement over time that you just don't notice on a day to day basis.
I know this will sound like I'm blowing my own trumpet, but my three younger kids were involved in a film, "The Black Balloon", which I think would really strike a chord with you. It's a feature film, has won a Crystal Bear at Cannes this year. The story line - a boy, almost 16, growing up with a profoundly autistic brother. The brother goes to a special school while the boy goes to a mainstream high school. The story follows the easy child boy as he deals with having to help look after his brother while trying to cover up his existence to his classmates and also try to develop a relationship with a girl in his class. His mother becomes ill so he has to take on a bigger role in caring for his brother, which brings a lot of stuff out into the open. The film is raw and very real. It's also very positive in the ending as the boy finally accepts that family is family.
This has helped people understand a lot more about what it is like to live with autism - from a parent's point of view as well as a sibling. There is a fair bit of violence at times especially when either of the boys is in a rage. The ending is very positive, the message is very real.
The film was written and directed by a woman who grew up with two autistic brothers. She based it on her story. It also stars Toni Collette, Gemma Ward, Rhys Wakefield and Luke Ford (next to be seen in Mummy III as the grown-up son). There is a good chance the film will get to the US in the next few months. If you can get to see it, I hope it can show you that a lot of raging, sometimes seeming extreme, can actually be a part of the Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) and not necessarily another disorder on top of it all.
You've been on this site before so you know we recommend the book, "The Explosive Child" by Ross Greene. It can still work on an Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) child, but it's trickier (as is all discipline). Read it, see what you can take form it. If you haven't the energy at the moment to get hold of and read yet another book, then read the thread about the book in "Early Childhood" forum, see if that can help.
While this forum isn't specifically about autism (it's far broader than that) there are a lot of us here with Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) kids. ANd it probably wouldn't hurt to maintain contact with people dealing with a broader base of problems, especially if you're concerned there could be another disorder in there somewhere.
Let us know how you get on, especially after the appointment.
Marg
