Hi, new here

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by my2cats, Dec 18, 2009.

  1. my2cats

    my2cats New Member

    Hi, I am the mother of two boys 5 & 2 and we will be welcoming our third child into the house some time at the end of January. My concerns are with my 5 year old. At two J started acting out aggressively towards my husband and I, the out bursts would happen every couple of months and resulted my either my husband or I holding J to keep him from hitting us, at two J also began throwing his toys, I don't mean typical 2 year old throwing it was all in anger and he had a purpose behind the throwing. During preschool J would refuse to do some of the projects he would rip up the paper and throw it on the floor, J would also make noises and disturb the class. During the 2 to 5 age J continued to have our bursts at home, he would hit my husband and I and would would hold him until it stopped, the episodes only happened every couple of months, then J entered Kindergarten. In the first week of school J had one good day, he tore apart his classroom, and the guidance office, he also hit, kicked, and spit at the staff. After the first 7 day the school asked us to keep J out of school until our scheduled team meeting (J has an IEP for speech). After our teem meeting my husband and I decided to take J out of the charter school and enroll him in the half day program at our local public school. Before we made it to the public school J also started acting out daily at home once we brought him to the local children's hospital because after 3 hours he was still violent and out of control, the hospital was of no help. The next time that he was real bad, my mother in law had come over to watch my 2 year old while I brought J to see a therapist, well J refused to go and when I pushed the issue he started throwing anything and everything he could get his hands on, he was hitting, kicking and spitting at my mother in law and me, he was also throwing stuff at both of us. In desperation I called my husband at work to come help and I called the pediatrician. It took three of us to get J to the psychiatric hospital emergency department that day, we were transferred to a childrens psychiatric hospital where J spent 9 days inpatient, 6 days in the day hospital and then was transferred to a pedi partial program held on hospital grounds. The program works with children with behavioral difficulties up to age 6. J spent 4 weeks at the partial program. During J's stay at the partial program and the inpatient program J was diagnosed as having anxiety, adjustment disorder, possible ADHD, possible learning disability, and they said that he was showing dyslexic tendencies. J is currently taking 5mg of Prozac for the anxiety. J started school the second week of November and had no outbursts for the first 5 weeks, then this week something happened, on Tuesday he ripped up a paper that he was working on the threw it on the floor, then when the teacher was pushing in chairs getting ready for dismissal J got up and pulled them all out again, on Wednesday the school called us after 45 minutes to come get J because he had been hitting, and kicking, on Thursday J made it until 20 minutes before dismissal when he ripped up another paper and then threw it, today (Friday) J ruined some books and threw a bunch of them around the class room, he flipped over some chairs, and was hitting, kicking, punching and spitting. The behavior for the most part has been at school, we did see some hitting and kicking at home right before bedtime but with holding him in bed and repeating every day for a week and a half it has really cut down the outbursts. So now I am just stuck, J has a new therapist in the area where we live but he does not know her very well yet, I don't know what to do to break this terrible cycle that has started once again. I want my son to be able to go to school and have friends and learn.
  2. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    {{{Hugs}}} and welcome. I'm so sorry you had to find us. My first thought is that your son has quite a laundry list of diagnoses, but he also has red flags for autism spectrum disorders. Has he been specifically screened for autism? It sounds like your son's meltdowns are fueled by frustration to me. You may want to pick up a copy of The Explosive Child by Ross Greene, it may help you to avoid some of the power struggles occurring at home. There's a thread at the top of this forum about the technique.
  3. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    I agree with TM, I do think autism needs to be given strong consideration. It would explain everything you've described. Everything.

    There could also be other explanations, plus we can't diagnose here - nobody could, especially not without seeing the child personally, not without testing and not without someone who is a professional doing the examination.
    But aside from that - yep. sounds like high-functioning autism to me.

    Which if it is - would be GOOD news. After all, you know something is wrong already. This isn't bad parenting. Something else is going on. But if it's autism, it explains a great deal, it's not because you have a bad child, it's not because he is deliberately choosing to be difficult But for him, the world is a frustrating, confusing, infuriating place that simply doesn't behave predictably or according to any rules he can comprehend. People do things he doesn't understand and then get angry with him for reasons he can't fully fathom. The language delay is a part of the package, so is anxiety and raging. ADHD - yep, our kids have that as part of their package as well.

    Something we found with difficult child 3 (the only one of our autistic/Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) kids to have language delay) was that medications for the ADHD suddenly helped his language to dramatically improve. difficult child 3 was only 3 when he began taking dexamphetamine for the ADHD. It may not work like that for other kids but it is something to consider.

    The behaviour/raging issues - get "The Explosive Child". It will help you see your child in a different (and probably healthier, less scary) light andhelp you find a better way through to handlnig him. These kids not only do not respond to the usual (generally effective) parenting techniques, but actually worsen. These kids simply don't learn the same way. You need to find a better way. The aim is to help them learn - anything else doesn't matter. Discipline is for learning. Punishment generally is a bad idea since to the socially inept child it only looks like revenge. These kids learn by observing and copying, so YOU have to behave in the way you want him to behave. That means YOU have to not be the authority figure, or HE will try to be an authority figure! I'm not kidding - don't set yourself up for that one!

    There are some really good things about autism, that can actually give you a head start in parenting. A lot of hurdles ahead of other parents will never be as difficult for you.

    I hope you can find some answers along this path. Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) in some form may well be the end result. Or it could be something different - but always keep an open mind. Especially when our kdis are young, it is easy to get the diagnosis wrong.

    For your own consideration - go to www.childbrain.com and look for the Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) questionnaire. Do it on your son and even if it scores him as normal, print it out and show it to the docs, see what they say. If nothing else it gets all the issues of concern together on one piece of paper. The online test of course can't be used for an official diagnosis, but it can certainly help you see the possibilities.

    Good luck, let us know how you get on.

  4. my2cats

    my2cats New Member

    Thank you both for responding. While J was in patient at the Phospital he was screened for autism and they said he does not fall on the AS scale. You are both correct J is easily frustrated and a lot of his explosions are fueled by frustration. I do own "The Explosive Child" and "Lost At School" I am about 1/3 of the way through the book, my husband has already read it but is having a hard time sticking to the steps of plan B. I am trying to get the school on board with trying CPS with J but it is an uphill battle. Last week we saw a useless Psychiatrist who was running 45 minutes late then kept us for 45 minutes only to tell me he was not comfortable treating my son, by share luck I was able to get J into see a new psychiatrist today (they had a cancellation) and the doctor was wondering why J was not on any medications for ADHD, at the appointment J was all over the place, after talking tot he dr I agreed to do a trial of Adderall with J. I am very uncomfortable medicating J and I have to really hide the anxiety I feel about trying new medications with J so he does not get nervous about it. I just hope I am doing the right thing, I know I can't let J go on like this, he told me several times that his Prozac was not helping anymore and that he needed a new medication so I know he wants to feel better. I just wish the road to figuring things out was not so darn hard.