hi...

InTheMoment

New Member
Hi everyone. I can't believe that I came upon this place. "A soft place to land for battle weary parents." wow.

Tyler, my 9 year old son, is in a residential facility. He has a serious emotional disturbance. He is going to come back home around the end of the summer.

Im looking for support here, someone to know what the heck I am going through...
 

susiestar

Roll With It
I am sorry your son is so ill. If Tyler is his real name, you might want to change it hear on the forum to protect his privacy. Most of us do this and it is recommended.

It can be hard to have your child in a facility. I know, my son spent 4 months in a psychiatric hospital on a locked ward. It was grueling for the rest of us. Especially because to actually speak to the doctor, I had to be an hour away by the 6am meeting he held. Otherwise I could only speak to the nurses and the therapist. I strongly advise and encourage you to be actively involved as much as is possible while he is there. My son is an adult now, but he remembers all the times I was at the facility for therapy, to visit, or even just to see the doctor at such a horribly early hour (I am SOOOOOO not a morning person!). He says it was the first time he realized just how devoted we are to him. None of the other kids had parents who came to almost every visiting session, showed up in person or at all for the various types of therapy, etc... Also, if they know you are going to be tehre often, I think they treat your child better. Of course my son didn't tell me any of that until many years later. But 14 years later, he still appreciates it.

We are here for you. We can offer more concrete advice if you can give us more details about what your family is going through - your son's behaviors, diagnosis, etc.... There will be very little you can say to scare us off. We have been through the wars and won't think you are exaggerating or making it up. For example, my son ended up in the hospital for trying to kill his little sister. And coming very close to succeeding. The cat got me up and led me to my daughter's room or I would never have known until it was too late. The cat we had at the time quite literally saved my then 8 year old daughter's life. No one here ran away from me, and we won't run away from you either. It really is a safe space.
 

InTheMoment

New Member
Hi everyone. I can't believe that I came upon this place. "A soft place to land for battle weary parents." wow.

Tyler, my 9 year old son, is in a residential facility. He has a serious emotional disturbance. He is going to come back home around the end of the summer.

Im looking for support here, someone to know what the heck I am going through...
Hi everyone. I can't believe that I came upon this place. "A soft place to land for battle weary parents." wow.

Tyler, my 9 year old son, is in a residential facility. He has a serious emotional disturbance. He is going to come back home around the end of the summer.
Hello,

I am new here as well. I agree, so nice too be able to chat with others that understand.
:notalone:
Welcome
thanks for sharing. I hope Im replying correctly...still figuring out the ropes here.
I just gave up my MBA program to prepare for my son's arrival in August. It's something that I must do. I must learn how to get through his hard times.
Im looking for support here, someone to know what the heck I am going through...
 

Copabanana

Well-Known Member
My son is an adult now, but he remembers all the times I was at the facility for therapy, to visit, or even just to see the doctor at such a horribly early hour (I am SOOOOOO not a morning person!). He says it was the first time he realized just how devoted we are to him.
Welcome InTheMoment. We are so glad you are here. Many of us have had children who were in residential treatment facilities whether as children or adults. I can imagine how scary it would be, to anticipate your child coming home, with both love and fear.

Reaching out now I think is a very wise thing. You will get to know us, and we will learn more about your situation, and your child. What led him to be in the facility? How is he doing? How are you doing?

I think Susie's comment is so very beautiful. Both the devotion of a mother and family, and the real heart of a son. I don't remember here on this forum that somebody wrote anything like that, that in the heart of the storm, a child saw and took in the great love of a mother, and then later acknowledged it. My own son has told me something like, "I know how much you do for me," but that was at least 10 years older than Susie's son was at the time. I think this is incredible.

I guess what I'm saying is that it's important to me to hear this acknowledgement by a child, that there's a person in there. A person that hears us and responds, and can live to speak about it, and even say "thank you."
 

InTheMoment

New Member
I remember one time when my son was pretty disregulated, before he went to the residential facility, I was crying and I said "I just don't know what to do." He said, "I know mom, I know exactly how you feel." We connected in that wierd stressful moment, between his cycles.
Whaen I go visit Tyler in a couple of days, we are going to be telling him we are so excited for him to come home to us for good. That we will have the supports we need at home for this all to work, and that mom and dad have been working on their skills, too. It's going to be amazing.

Also my son wakes up usually around 5 am so we will be running and playing basketball together in the mornings. To get mommy some exercise and to get some of his energy out before he starts his day :)
 

susiestar

Roll With It
That morning exercise sounds awesome! My oldest was an early riser until the teens hit. The trouble he could find at very early hours was just astounding. Compound that with me NOT being a morning person (I don't think life should start until maybe 10-11 am (IF you have to get up early) and mornings are just hard for me until after a couple cups of coffee. Yes, I know this is posted in the morning, but I haven't been to sleep yet. I had to get my daughter off to work. Anyway, having a child who got up at 5 am was just NOT something I was great at. Thank Heaven he was usually happy with a book. I used to keep a stash of new ones to keep him busy in the morning!

Anyway, the morning exercise before school may be just what he needs. It may help with some sensory needs to. Sensory input isn't always handled the best way by our kids. The issues can be improved though. It can feel like the world is attacking you (Too bright, dark, loud, quiet, smelly, not smelly enough, not enough movement, too much movement, etc...). Luckily, the things needed to treat sensory problems are more of the types of sensations that the child (or adult like me) is drawn to. What they need feels really good to them, so more of it is actually helpful. I still remember when the occupational therapist was showing me the types of things that would help my youngest child. I looked at a big table full of stuff and we had a TON of it because it was what my son liked. My mother always bought way too many things for the kids to play with and she was super tuned in to what they liked. So we had most of what we needed already. The therapist told me that many parents have what the child needs simply because the child enjoys it so much. So if he likes to play ball with you, and you can do tha with him, it is a seriously great thing to do. One friend of mine actually put a swing and pretty much a very active playground in her basement (complete with padding for the walls and ceiling to protect him) for her son. It was incredible, and even had a climbing wall with a pad to fall on if he wanted. Her son had very serious sensory issues and swinging back and forth was one of the things he really needed. Normal parents would find it a bit nuts, but parents with our kind of kids just see how helpful it can be.

To learn more about sensory issues, The Out of Sync Child is a great book. It has a companion called "The Out of Sync Child Has Fun" that truly IS fun. We wore copies out because we used it so much. All of the kids we knew liked the activities, and the fact that they were therapy was just a side note to the kids. Heck, my husband and I enjoyed them too!
 
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