Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by amazeofgrace, Sep 29, 2008.

  1. amazeofgrace

    amazeofgrace New Member

    ok difficult child II is always making friends, some stick some don't, but i always try and maintain lines of communication with the parents. Well one Mom just called me, and asked me to borrow $100! I do not know here formally, I mean she garduated 2 years below me, but ummmmm, it's not like were best of friends or anything. I guess it caught me off guard, her asking, and I kinda fibbed and said I am tight right now with funds. I feel bad now (this is one of my weak areas) because I am not unkind and I go out of my way to help others, if I knew she were struggling, I'd bring over groceries or pay her electric bill b4 I would hand over $100!

  2. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    I think I would have done the same thing, given that I didn't know her well. If it comes up again or you otherwise find out that she's struggling that much, maybe offer then to bring over a bag of groceries. Tell her you don't have the cash but can put it on a credit card or something. I don't like being less than honest either, but you never know about situations like this. Also, if your kids are friends, maybe let him stay for dinner at your house some- if they are struggling.
  3. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Yo are not in a situation to give someone this kind of $$. This was an inappropriate request, and you should NOT feel bad about saying NO. You have to have $$ to help YOUR family first. Very strange request, and keep saying no.
  4. Jena

    Jena New Member

    ok i'm sorry but i've been dirt broke at certain times and never would of done that. i feel bad to hear that she is that desperate she'd ask you, not knowing you well. ok i'm sorry that is a bit off.

    how does the child seem? is she divorced? yup totally strange.
  5. Jena

    Jena New Member

    i think what klmno said was perfect i'd probably offer that as well, invite child to dinner, etc. unless she's using or something or just very strange she must be truly in a bad place and really desperate to ask that. yet everyone is different.........
  6. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    AOG, I too think you did the right thing.
    It was inappropriate of her to ask you, and entirely appropriate of you to decline.
    It's a very bold and brassy move on her part, especially considering that you two are not close friends.

    I'm with Susie, keep saying no. Further, you don't have to offer up any explanations as to why you are saying no.

    People who make this sort of request know that it's very awkward and difficult to refuse. I suspect that she was counting on that very awkwardness to push you into giving her the money.

    If she asks you again, answer "I'm so very sorry. I just can't." If she asks why not, then say "Because I couldn't possibly." And just keep repeating those two phrases until she gives up. It makes it easier to have the extra words to say, rather than a bald "no", but it has the same effect.
  7. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    My dad got a call like that from a woman that my mom knew (she'd been dead for several years when the call came). It turned out that she had a really bad gambling problem and had been doing it to a lot of people in town. It was very, very sad because she really was a sweet person.

  8. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Good grief. I cant imagine asking one of my sons gfs moms for a loan! Heck...I wouldnt ask my in laws for one!

    Strange indeed.
  9. amazeofgrace

    amazeofgrace New Member

    not to judge but she most definatley could be using. Her son is sweet, but actually her son and my son were fighting over the weekend, she called me concerned and I told her I was on top of it, maybe she thought I would do it out of guilt or wanting to protect difficult child II, although nothing really happened, just verbal threats from both of them.
  10. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    I have gotten groceries and made dinners for my friends, I have made payments on storage lockers and helped with friends' power or phone bills, I have helped with school clothes and shoes for friends' kids, but the only friend I actually loan cold hard cash to is my bestest friend, of 35 years standing.

    I don't blame you for being curious and concerned.
  11. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Even desperate, the Mom was out of line. You don't know each other well enough to even consider such a thing. I think you made the right decision. I'd have done the same thing, and I'm the sort of person who bends over backward to help people.
  12. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    She was way out of line in asking. You just don't ask people you hardly know for money.

    I agree with you that help comes in other ways. You did the right thing in refusing this request.

    Trinity is right - no explanation needed. Saying that you don't have the funds to give is not lying. You do not have to explain your budget. You can have $2,000 in savings waiting to be used and still not have the funds to give because your financial plan does not call for hand outs to people you hardly know.