Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by JJJ, Sep 24, 2009.

  1. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    We are only 1 month into school and I am already sick of the homework battles.

    Piglet can and should get straight As. Despite her kicking and screaming during homework time, she has only 1 B and the rest are As. But she is now grounded for a week because she'd rather spend an hour throwing a fit and then do her homework. (I know it is because in the past I was so consumed with the difficult children that I would often lose track of her homework and she would get away with it. No longer sweet thing!)

    Eeyore is hell on wheels. He truly feels that he shouldn't have to do homework. Our goal for him was all Bs with supports. His grades have jumped between As and Fs. The worst is the dreaded "projects" of junior high. These are neither difficult nor too involved. The concept is just to help them learn to budget time. He FLAT OUT REFUSES to work on the project before the night it is due. I was able to get him to do about 1/2 of one project at the beginning of the year but he has refused to work on it since. His resource teacher stays late on Thursdays to help any Learning Disability (LD) kid that needs extra help (he volunteers for this - no extra pay - great guy). Eeyore just hung up on me because I wouldn't let him come home today because he needs help on his English project since he won't listen to me.

    Tigger rarely has homework since the goal this year is to have him attend the whole year, we'll worry about homework next year.

    I will win this battle, they will learn to do homework!!!!!!!! Warrior powers activated!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :warrior:
  2. Mattsmom277

    Mattsmom277 Active Member

    This for me was always a losing battle with difficult child. easy child on the other hand, walks in after school, grabs a snack and her backpack and does her homework while eating. Before she'll play. Before she'll watch t.v. Before she'll tell me about her day. Parenting my easy child is like a parent Twilight Zone for me. She just "gets it done". But difficult child? PFT!!!
    Weirdly, he is now hyper focused on going to University. He gets up without complaint for school. He does homework as soon as its assigned. I don't hear complaining. I don't hear about the work at all. I just get his report card with higher grades and a E (for excellent) for the section about homework completion. He hates high school. I mean, HATES high school. But since he's decided its a means to an end (a decent university admission and a career doing something he likes afterwards that allows him to support himself) he just gets it done too. This is a new thing!
    Until last year, NOTHING budged my difficult child. I remember him throwing a t.v. at his sister from his perch on the top bunk of bunkbeds while raging about not doing his homework. Another time his rage ended in a foster care placement as he was screaming purposely for neighbors to hear him, accusing my ex of beating him (Screaming dont hurt me, stop it, that hurts, why are you hitting me, why are you punching me and on and on). Meanwhile through his entire rage my ex, myself and easy child were eating hamburgers in the dining room and he was crouched under his desk below his open window screaming Don't Beat Me!!! Ohhhh I don't miss those days!!

    If you figure out how to win the battle, boy you are going to be totally rich!!

    ;) Good luck!
  3. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    You GO girl!

    Homework isn't as much a battle yet this year as an exercise in patience for me. difficult child 1 is being conscientious and getting stuff done -- might have something to do with the driver's permit he'll want to get in March, and the requisite "No-C's-On-The-Report-Card" rule I've laid down for that to happen. ;)

    difficult child 2, on the other hand, takes. for. ever. to get things done. I know it's the medications, but I don't think we have much choice. His teachers are being pretty patient and understanding. He's getting the work done for the most part, just taking much longer than most to complete it. :(

    And then there's easy child who just does her thing and I never seem to have to worry about whether she's getting it done. I guess that's my reward for having two older difficult child's!

    I'm a bit nervous about leaving them tonight for my 2nd NAMI meeting because I was out last night, too -- although husband says they all got their work done. But tonight is a soccer practice night AND easy child's back-to-school-night AND difficult child 2 is staying an hour after school for mandatory math tutoring because he's missed some assignments, which means even LESS time for him tonight. :anxious:
  4. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I hope you can out-stubborn them. It is SO frustrating. At some point it may become such a detriment to family life that you have to make it school's problem and just let it go. But it is hard to get to that point.
  5. slsh

    slsh member since 1999

    JJJ - can only tell you I empathize. It's absolutely not a smidge better with- some pcs. (How many months 'til summer break?????) ;)
  6. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Oh yes, do I remember this! I think part of it is the age and part is getting used to the different homework in middle school- like you say, all the projects and budgeting time. It seems to hit the weak executive functioning skills and hard-headedness that some of our difficult child's have head-on. LOL! The teacher at sd helped difficult child some with this, we built in extended time periods, difficult child had to suffer some natural consequences, and sometimes I just threw my arms up in the air. I feel for you and am glad to say that I think this stage is over for my son.
  7. lmf64

    lmf64 New Member

    I have never done the homework battle. In first grade I wrote it into his IEP. I had my hands full when he came home from school as it was. He would rage for hours. I think he was just so overwhelmed during the school day and when he got home it was all hands on deck. As time has gone by I don't write it in the IEP, but have let it be known that home time is not going to be wasted doing busy work and if the school can't get it done during the day then well tomorrow is another day. Of course he's been on an IEP since 1st grade and has been in a resource room all day since 4th grade. We've tried a few times to have him go to classes but all it does is stress him out. We're trying now to find computer programs for him to use in his office.
  8. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Sorry these issues are raising their ugly heads so soon into the new school year. Makes the rest of the year loom ahead with dread.

    I am a stickler for difficult child doing his homework because it's such a important piece to making sure he understands what's happening in class. But I do sympathize with your struggles and agree with Sue - at some point it may need to be turned over to difficult child and the teacher. If these struggles become so great that it is destroying homelife in the evenings, something has to give.

    It's a tough thing to throw your hands up and say, "pay the natural consequences of getting bad grades if you choose not to do your homework" when the difficult child in question doesn't care about their grades in the first place.

    Have you tried the structured homework time in a quiet place with a snack. That is always my first suggestion because that is what seems to work for my difficult child. He knows (because we have been doing it for years) that 5:00 is homework time with no distractions and he's allowed a snack and beverage while working. I ususally sit around him, reading a magazine or doing paperwork, to insure he stays on task.

  9. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    This was in Kanga and Eeyore's IEP for years. But he is now at the point where he has moved from a fully self-contained classroom, bit by bit into regular ed. He is now in his second year of 100% mainstream classes, is doing the exact same work as the other 7th graders. He has access to the resource room (a small conference room with a Special Education teacher that helps kids who just need a little extra and provides a quiet place to take tests).

    It is time for him to learn to do homework!!!

    And Piglet needs to come to the realization that she needs her ADD medications. If she refuses to take her afterschool does, homework is a nightmare. Since I posted the original post, she has taken her pm Ritalin and has done her homework without a big problem!

    I have them trapped in the car with me for 5 hours today (going to visit Kanga). I told them that to get 100% caught up on their homework (except for what we need the computer for) should only take 1-2 hours and if they complete their work, we can watch a movie on the way home. I'm hoping that if they get caught up (again), next week won't seem so overwhelming. Midterms are coming home next week and Piglet has a 3.8 and Eeyore has a 2.9 so far so their trimester goals are in reach (4.0 and 3.25).
    Last edited: Sep 26, 2009
  10. ML

    ML Guest

    I am paying someone to watch manster after school this year with the understanding he gets his homework done. So far it has been working. But his exec functioning deficits are coming out more than ever and he isn't remembering to bring home all the folders. He missed 4 of his pride recesses in a row. They aren't getting that this issue isn't going to improve with punishments and I'm having to advocate for him more than ever. Good luck to you!
  11. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    Okay, I TAKE BACK what I said about difficult child 1 doing his homework on his own this year. Just found out he totally blew off two major assignments in L.A. so he's now getting a D+ in the class. :grrr: Looks like he needs a short leash afterall.
  12. Kjs

    Kjs Guest

    I have fought this battle since day one of school. difficult child feels the same way. He is very smart, but truly believes homework is beneath him. GRRRR. The first few weeks I checked online - he had straight A's. He actually said "school isn't so bad". That lasted about a day. Now his grades are F's. Due to missing assignments. I don't get it. I make him do it anyway with lower grade. So why doesn't he just DO IT. This is one thing I will not bend on. Also, sleeping in class. Due to school - we rarely speak. I hate school. These homework battles just cause such issues.

    Let me know if you come up with a solution. In difficult child's case, he now has a laptop and he can take it to school. So now he tells me it is on his laptop and he sent it to the teacher. I just don't know.
  13. wakeupcall

    wakeupcall Well-Known Member

    At the end of fifth grade, we were have such intense battles at home, I went to the head of Special Education. She and I agreed that difficult child needed a safe place and as it was, we were head to head for hours, he still wasn't getting it done....it was ruining the fragile relationship we had. SO, it was written into his IEP that he has NO homework. He hasn't had any since then and he's now in eighth grade. He IS in a social development class (not mainstreamed), but he's doing grade level work and had 3 A's and 4 B's. If he was mainstreamed, he'd make Cs, but still....not bad. I doubt that he will ever do homework........by the time he has spent eight hours in the classroom, he walks in the door like he's been caged all day.....wild. He just plain cannot focus any longer than that. It isn't for everyone, but this works for us.