How can all of you be so calm and just know the right things to say? I just lost it with difficult child yesterday, and again this morning. I actually told him he can live someplace else and follow the rules there. I went to pick up difficult child for psychiatrist appointment. that I was not aware of until after he went to school. husband had scheduled it and didn't tell me. They even left a reminder message that husband didn't tell me. I just happened to be going through old messages. Anyway,the appointment was scheduled during his lunch time, so I thought I better get there a little early so they can notify him to come to the office before he goes to lunch. Well...I walked inthe office and he was in there. I asked him why he was there and he said the teacher was going to fast so he wanted to do the work himself. He said he kept talking to get kicked out. (it was a 4 page study guide that she was giving the answers to so they could study) I told him that wasn't very smart, here she was giving the answers and now he has to do it alone. Brought him back to school after appointment. I have not been feeling well, so I did some chores (day off) and layed on the couch. husband comes home with difficult child and starts yelling because I was laying on the couch. I then tell him about him being in the office. difficult child changes his story said he asked if he could do it alone and teacher said sure and he went to the office to work. I called him on this and he tells husband I am lying. Also came home progress reports for the week. Missing assignments in every class. Did not bring home a report for math. Most of these missing assignments were on last weeks report. He always tells us, he did it they just didn't have time to update report. So..I layed into him about lying and he needs to DO all assignments. He wasn't to do anything until he has that work made up. So..he takes off on his bike. Then when I look outside again husband and him are playing ball. I just shook my head. husband comes in and starts screaming at me that difficult child "needed" to cool of he was hot and he needed fresh air. It was in the 40's. Not even warm. This just esculated to the point I left. husband was down stairs, I came up and difficult child was laying on the deck. He looked inthe doors and I just held up my fist. I walked out and told him he has everything he wants now. Got in my car and left. Didn't want to come home, but can't afford a hotel. Didn't have anywhere to go..so, I drove to the mall. Thinking I would just hang out there until it closed. I am sitting in my car..just sitting there and someone tried to park next to me and hit my car. Stayed at the mall until it closed, then about a 30 minute ride home, but stayed away until I knew they were both in bed. Come home and go to the bedroom and difficult child is in bed with husband, TV on and both sleeping. So I went to bed in difficult child's room. difficult child had to be at school early today to work on missing work for his business class. Got him up..refused to cook. Told him to eat cereal, or starve. He chose not to eat. Looked at his papers he had brought home last night, didn't do anything. 3 1/2 pages blank. I asked him why he didn't do it. He said it is only a study guide. I KNOW he has to turn this in. Then started the whole thing over. I went off on how all he does is lie. That he lies to me and to husband and then we all start fighting. I only had 15 minutes, but those fifteen minutes my throat was sore because I was totally out of control I was SOOOOO mad. Then I go into school with him told him I was going to go through his locker while he was in business. Many times we find missing work in there since he just throws everything in there, no folders (he has folders) Everything is crumpled up. I go through it all. Find a math pamphlet, not done. Other things were not on the list of missing work. Put all papers that did not have a grade on it in a folder. Mean while Special Education teacher comes up and says, "oh, cleaning out lockers" I was so upset. I told her it is not a good day. I asked her what happened the previous day that he was in the office. She said he wouldn't stop talking and making noises so he was asked to leave. So, he DID tell me the truth but lied to husband and husband believes him and thinks I am lying. I showed Special Education teacher the papers he brought home. She told me the work that is done on that paper is what SHE did for him in advisory. So..he didn't do anything. I walked into business class and told him all papers are in his folder, and he has one folder and one book in his locker. I asked where his other books are. He said,,in the locker. Nope..not in there. Lost it AGAIN. I cannot live here anymore and don't know where to go. It is difficult child's lies, and husband seeing no need for punishment and believing that I am the one lying. I want so much for difficult child to be better. Second quarter he would never miss a class, straight A's, honor roll. Then he told me "you know third quarter has always been hard for me" That was before it even started. Like he had it all planned out. I only have a few days off, then back to work again. I slept three hours the first three days I worked. Then the last day I was up for 22 hours before I just had to lay down. They then are upset that I went to bed at 5pm. How do you all stay so calm? I said many things I should not have, but it was all true. I just don't know what to do. I feel as if I cannot be in my own home when they are here. And it is MY job that pays for the bills. So, I am planning on being gone when they get home today. difficult child has a baseball game at 5:30. I want to watch him play, maybe from a far away spot. As much as I want to be close with him again, that just isn't the case. He told me everything is MY fault, and I am the reason for everything. I just want to disappear. No warning, No note, just pack up and drive and drive until I am as far away as I can be and never look back. It breaks my heart to think that way. but it breaks my heart to stay too.