Hi Jemiah - I think watching your difficult child struggle with social issues is one of the most personal experiences we share with our difficult children. It's that mixture of mama bear defensiveness and emotional roller-coaster that's kinda unique to parenting a difficult child, especially in their elementary school years.
I can tell you that one thing I would do was insure that difficult child had at least one or two kids that he interacted with outside of school. That way, when he want to school, there was a connection. I made sure that there were Fridays I picked up difficult child and a buddy and went to the movies, came home and played, went to a playground, etc. Sometime you have to search for families who are open-minded rather than the "perfect family" types who don't understand the individuality and often quirkiness of our difficult children.
I did this with my difficult child in elementary school. I also threw him a couple birthday parties where I invited tons of kids - and difficult child's birthday is in August so those times in elementary school I would rent one of those huge blowup things or huge blow up slip and slides. The kids would come for the equipment and it left difficult child with a wonderful feeling afterwards.
As he got older, it was important that he had at least one good friend. Often we have to help foster the friendship (i.e., doing all the driving, always being the host house, etc.). As he is now in high school, there is still a kinda peripheral involvement by me, but he's really in control.
I will tell you that, for my difficult child, friendship was very different than the definition most of us put on it. If difficult child spoke to a kid in one of his classes, they were one of his friends. If a kid sat next to him in biology, they were his friend. Fortunately his experience was all he knew (even though he had an absolutely incredibly social older sister who had tons of friends and a very active social life). To him, his life was his "normal".
I also think we are often more emotional when our difficult children are younger because things are more fresh. The reality of having a difficult child is often newer and the challenges are just beginning. With time, many of us fall into parenting our difficult children on autopilot. doctor appointments, IEP meetings, visits to the drug store to pick up medications....all those things become second nature.
And for me, prayer was a powerful tool and so was a glass of wine on the patio by myself!
Sharon