Hubs has Sepsis

pasajes4

Well-Known Member
Sweet Leafy, We all wish we could be there to surround you and your family with love. Please know that we are with you in spirit and that your family is being lifted in prayer.
 

pigless in VA

Well-Known Member
"to live in hearts we leave behind, is not to die." - Thomas Campbell

Dear Leafy, know that all of us here weep with you. We may not be physically there to offer hugs and bring you meals, but we freely offer our love and support. Our hearts ache along with yours. Much like when your whole world changes because a baby is born, it is the same when someone close to us passes in death. Your life is forever changed. Feel the sadness. Write poems for Hubs. Journal. Be gentle with yourself.
 

New Leaf

Well-Known Member
Thank you. All.
It was very difficult. We stayed vigil by his side. The girls wanted to try heroic measures but the doctor came to talk with us and told us hubs was unresponsive to stimuli, pupils non reactive, etc. He only had stem function.
We made the decision to take off life support.
Rain appeared after the fact and was very angry. She looked at me with narrowed eyes and said "He would have done much more for you, he would have fought harder for you, you gave up on him, I want a second opinion." It cut me like a knife to my soul. This is what drugs do to people. This was not my dsughter speaking.
It is very sad. I love Rain, and will somehow process all of this. I know she was angry at the loss of her father.
In a very sad way, her lifestyle choices contributed to his ailing health as he silently grieved over her.
I hope and pray that one day she will know the love I have for her and decide to make a better life for herself.
I am going through so many emotions right now. I am so very grateful to all of you for your support and kind words.
Through these months of belonging to CD, I have been able to express myself in ways that have helped me to ride the storm of my d cs choices as well as hubs decline in health. I am thankful for this and feel that the strength I have gained with the help I received from all of you here, will
be a foundation to stand on and get through my grief.
Words cannot express my deep gratitude for everyone here, and especially those who work diligently to keep this site going. Your reaching out to me with cyber hugs and comforting words means more than you will ever know.
Me ke aloha pumehana,
New Leaf
 

InsaneCdn

Well-Known Member
As with all aspects of life at a time like this, feel free to come and go from here. Post if you want, or not. We know you are "around", and will be here for you in whatever capacity we can.
 

Copabanana

Well-Known Member
He only had stem function.
New Leaf. Your husband made choices himself that could have affected the outcome of his life and his end. He lobbied hard to go home. He must have known how ill he was, how much he needed the hospital if there would be any chance to have survived this.

You honored his choice. However hard that was that this was his choice, it truly was. He seemed to show no ambivalence at all about going home. He knew what it would bring. For your time here on the site you have written that something in him seemed to have turned inward, that he may have lost some fight.

You wondered if it had to do with his sadness about his girls. Rain knows this. In her heart of hearts she knows what it cost her father, the way she and her sister have been living. She must know in some part of her, what the manipulation must have cost him. The price he paid for her life choices.

What more could she have done, in her own grief and guilt, but to look for a bad guy, onto whom to project her feelings? How could we not feel compassion for her? While she is responsible for the hurt she has caused, this was not her goal. Surely it was not. She loves her father.

However she has chosen to hurt you, her pain is 100 times worse, or will be if she ever wakes up from this long night of the soul that she has been living. I feel sad for her and sad for you and sad for her father, now no longer suffering.

I pray that this might prove a catalyst somewhere down the road, for her to choose differently, but for now I suspect she will double down. That will be, I fear, her preferred method to cope. To blame you.

M has a favorite saying, one of his favorite. It is prettier and more targeted in Spanish.

Todo mundo busque un culpable. More or less it means, Everybody looks for a culprit (or, somebody to blame)

At the risk of repeating myself I will say it again. Rain may believe her grievance is with you. And it may well be, to a point. But her biggest problem is with herself. If you can, I would try to keep this in mind. She has lost her father, and on some level she blames herself.
 

Lil

Well-Known Member
Oh Leafy, I'm so very sorry for your loss. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.
 

Jabberwockey

Well-Known Member
So sorry for your loss Leaf. Take care of yourself and try to remember that Rain is grieving as well, she just doesnt know a healthy way to express her grief.
 

Kalahou

Well-Known Member
Aloha Menemene, Warrior Sister.
Na waimaka o ka lani ... The heavens cry when a loved one passes.
Thoughts and prayers are with you and your ohana.
 

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kt4394

Member
My deepest sympathies for you and your family, New Leaf. I cannot imagine your heartbreak, but please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. Please try to take care of yourself and allow yourself comfort and support by all who love you. Be, and stay, strong. love and peace
 

in a daze

Well-Known Member
Leafy, I am so sorry for your loss. May he rest in peace. Thinking of you and your family. We are all here to prop you up in the days to come when you need it.
 

ColleenB

Active Member
Leafy.... I'm so sorry for your loss. I came to find this thread just today... And I am devestated for you and your family.

You have such a kind and gentle heart, and have given me, and I'm sure others, much compassion in hard times. I only hope you can find some comfort here ❤️

Take care and know you are being thought of....
 
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