That is how I knew when DEX was cheating. He always went on the offensive. (DEX was never the shiniest coin in the fountain). He cheated on me 3 times, and I caught him every single time. His guilt got to him so bad, he might as well have walked around with a scarlet A on his chest. He just called attention to himself.
I say, turn the tables on him. Tell him you called car guy, and the guy is, ahem, light in the loafers, and interested in husband. Tell husband that car guy was hurt that husband does not remember when car guy gave husband his card. Hmm, must have been in a blackout. Then accuse HIM of having the affair.
My ex used to do that too. It was always when he was cheating on me and had a guilty conscience. Boy am I glad I'm divorced. You just reminded me I need to frame my divorce papers and hang them on my mantel. :smile:
I'd also be tempted to call the salesman. You know that card didn't magically appear in your van. However, our easy child has a habit of taking any and all business cards she comes across in stores or offices. She only takes one from each place, but she's got quite a collection going. Any chance your difficult child picked it up somewhere?
husband isn't all that bright right now is he? I mean, he's already got you mad at him for staying out all night and now this?? Even if he were suspicious about the business card, you'd think he'd be smart enough to keep his mouth shut. sheesh.
My experience is that the accuser is usually the guilty party. Not saying your husband is. Just saying that's been my experience with many couples over the years.
I'd call the dealership, too. I'd be asking if they happened to see your husband in there....... ummmm maybe looking for a birthday present for you? (excuse to ask if he's been around)
Honestly, that card could've popped out of nowhere. My kids liked that sort of thing, even Darrin does, and would pick them up even if it were lying in the road.
I agree, someone accusing like that is trying to cover a guilty conscience.
Could husband have put the card there, to have an excuse to attack you instead of feeling guilty? He might have been trying to find some way to distract you from his night out.
But to be sure, I would call the car dealer, maybe even visit the showroom with the car, to see if you can find out how the card got into your car. Play dumb, simply say you found the card and it made you think along the lines of looking at cars anyway, unless he's maybe seen this car already? See what the dealer guy says. "Oh yes, I remember this bloke bringing that car in last week," or "I haven't a clue madam, but I have noticed my business cards going missing lately."
If you REALLY are curious, what about hiding a secret camera in the car, to see who is having access, when, and for what. A hidden camera would have to transmit via radio signal to video recorder in the boot/trunk or somewhere else.
I wonder how husband would react if you deliberately put lipstick on his collar? Just kidding. Just wanted you to think about his reaction, it could be very revealing.
But if you do suspect he's been playing around, get yourself a thorough physical for STDs.
Yep! That's what the guilty ones do alright! He's "fishing"! My ex- did it too. And the guiltier he was, the more he accused me of doing the same thing! They figure that if they stay on the offensive you'll be too busy defending yourself to worry about what THEY'RE doing! Then THEY get to scream and yell and strut around all self-righteous and indignant - makes them feel better, even if they know you're not really doing anything! My ex- almost convinced HIMSELF that it was all MY fault! Yeah, right! And in the tiny little off-chance that they can get YOU to confess to something, however insignificant - then he gets to shed the guilt! Then he'd figure that you'd be on equal footing and he doesn't need to feel guilty anymore!
Have you thought about it that he may have put the business card there himself?
And Marg's suggestion to get a physical is an excellent one!
A friend of mine went to evening classes after work, encouraged by her new husband. "Don't worry, darling. I work from home anyway, I'll mind the kids and organise dinner. You do something for yourself."
So while the mother did further study, with the encouragement of her husband, stepdaddy was molesting the daughter. It went on for four years while the mother continued her studies, while daughter was convinced her mother knew and colluded. So of course, what was the point in saying to him she would tell her mother, if she believed her mother already knew?
Then daughter told him to stop, she wouldn't do it any more. She was now 15 and able to stand up to him. Almost by magic, stepdaddy lost interest in the mother as well. My friend wondered why her marriage was suddenly in trouble, why he suddenly seemed so disinterested.
Meanwhile the mother had also been encouraged to coach students after school and on weekends, especially female students. This predator turned his attentions to the young girls who came to the house for coaching, even suggesting organising outings for the family and all the students, as a reward for all the hard work they were putting in.
My friend's daughter saw this happening and attacked her mother - "How could you allow him to do this? How could you have allowed him to do this to me?"
My friend was horrified - she'd had no idea. She confronted her husband and he cried, apologised and then said, "I never would have done it if I hadn't been so badly tempted. You were never around - always off studying, or tutoring, I turned to the nearest female for comfort, she is so mature..." blah blah blah. He was so persuasive that she actually believed she was responsible for hr daughter being molested and for failing to give him the proper attention during the marriage. The guy had her totally brainwashed. She was even going to take him back and work on their marriage - she is not a quitter - when some remnant of common sense made hr check his computer and the bank statements. Plus phone records.
Then it all began to unravel. "I never knew it was possible to book a motel by the hour," she told me. "And with an under-age girl, at that - why didn't somebody see something and alert authorities?"
She found so much rubbish on his computer. He was an expert and had covered his tracks, but not well enough. And just as he'd managed to talk his way out of things, she would find more.
She is a highly intelligent, loving mother who STILL was brainwashed by this creep. She finally had to accept that all the years of their marriage had been a lie - he had sought her out and married her not out of love for her, but lust for her little girl. And when the same little girl grew up and began to say, "No!" he lost interest and all pretence of happy marriage went out the window.
My friend's husband was a master at accusing her, to try to remove guilt from him and to take the focus off himself as the offender. He almost succeeded.
I guess that's why I get so angry when I hear of men treating their women like this, because so many people get hurt just so these creeps can get a few seconds of illicit sexual pleasure, and get away with it.
Jamie, I'll suggest that to her. I think daughter should be the one to write - she's extremely capable. And no, he was never arrested. It was just too traumatic at the time, too many confused feelings. She didn't need me nagging her, she just needed support.
She's definitely out of it now, very happy with another man but her now adult daughter is safe and doing well. No longer vulnerable in the least. I'm proud of them both.
It is so easy to be brainwashed by a manipulative man. I used to work with one - he was a sociopath. He would try to seduce every young female in the place. Lucky for me, I was immune to him. Unlucky for me, this made him attack me in every way he could - he told everyone I was a lesbian, because it was the only reason he could accept, for failing to win me. A total egotist and complete ratbag. However, I wasn't the one married to him, having to deal with his lies. I could see what was happening, but was helpless to do anything to support his wife, who also worked in the same building. He kept her hoodwinked for years, we would hear their arguments and we knew just how horrible he was to her. He would accuse her to get the heat off him.
Eventually she found out and turned the tables on him. I almost felt sorry for him. Almost.
<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Big Bad Kitty</div><div class="ubbcode-body">
I say, turn the tables on him. Tell him you called car guy, and the guy is, ahem, light in the loafers, and interested in husband. Tell husband that car guy was hurt that husband does not remember when car guy gave husband his card. Hmm, must have been in a blackout. Then accuse HIM of having the affair. </div></div>
LMAO - OMG, I can't stop laughing Kitty.........Iana - I think this is your best suggestion yet - if you can do it with a straight face.