RIGHT? I know most of you know me about having such termoil about allowing my son move to Indiana with his father, in hopes of a new stable enviornment would help his behavior issues. WE are to move there in June. I have a house already, our house is 1/2 packed already, but my sitter just canned us. So I have no sitters to watch the little ones for the days I will be working. Now I sit here with very very little money, packing all my stuff up, trying to pay gas to get everything from here to there, which is big time bucks, then move there, set up electricity, cable, and whatever, find a daycare, enroll in schools, and find jobs for both me and husband. I sit here in the midst of the info given to me and I just wished I would have dealt with what was happening at home longer. AT that time I really feel it was the best for him, and I know it is, he's not doing super here with- me, step dad, brother, sister, new baby.....he needs more. But there is a part of me that says, well insead of devoting all this energy into moving, finding childcare, jobs, interviews, packing, all of it, I could have given him more attention and maybe he wouldn't need to be there anyways????? But I know that isn't true....I know he's doing better there for now, but it's so hard to move there to be there just for him, and uproot all of us, to a house that has no jobs, no sitters, but tons of family and friends. I am just so scared and when I get scared I have learned myself enough to know I want to fall back on bad decisions because they are easier rather then stressful. If my baby boy wasn't in Indiana now, I would say just forget it, we can stay and deal for one more year in NY. But with him in Indiana, I just can't not see him. He'll be here on June 13 but by then it will have been 9+ weeks since I've seen him and I have a whole in my heart, a big big hole. I hope this isn't rambling on too much, I've put myself into a panic attack about 40 minutes ago and had to take a Xanax and I feel a little loopy now, but always feel better after I type on here for some support. Thanks for listening all.