I just don't know how to get through this without losing my head. 15 year old son has been a trainwreck and just getting worse for so long. Supposedly, he's only smoking pot, but I can't say I'm 100 percent confident in that. I have caught him with alcohol and "lean", which he says he was selling. We filed a CRA (Child requiring assistance) on him and we go back to court in September. I don't know exactly how I feel about it, whether it has accomplished anything and if I want to give up custody to the state. I don't have any faith in our state system and I honestly think it will make son's psychiatric so much worse, not helping him the way he needs. They were ready to give custody to DCF a few weeks ago and we denied it and said we wanted to give him more time to try to change. I regret it, then again, I don't. He got in trouble at school and dealt with it all wrong, ran from the office, had to be chased after, the school went into lockdown and he was taken away by police. Criminal charges and he is out of school for rest of the year. We go back to court this week. I don't know what is going to come out of it. I hope he gets something, some sort of punishment. He needs consequences. He sees a psychologist once a week, he goes to a court ordered program for setting goals/dealing with setbacks. DCF (through the state) is trying to set him up with a mentor. Son is totally resistant to all treatment and any interventions. He is supposed to go to tutoring, but so far he has gone to one session, skipped one, and I'm not sure whether he went today or not. He called husband and asked to stay out after. He was told no. He stayed out anyway. Came home at 930 (tutoring done at 6:30). He was totally stoned. I can't control my emotions with him. I just scream. My husband wants to talk to him, try to reason with him, refusing to see that just talking has got us where we are now. Son does exactly whatever he wants, whenever he wants and doesn't care about anyone or anything else. Husband keeps making excuses for son. I realize that son does have anxiety and depression and who knows what else, but the drugs are the big problem and making everything so much worse. He refuses to stop, refuses to try to be helped. As much as I can see the effect of his issues, I can't excuse him for what he is doing. So much of it is a consious choice, his choice. He continues to keep making the wrong choices, continues to break any and all rules, keeps pushing to see what he can get away with. And he is getting away with it all. Husband and I are at constant odds, fighting all the time. He refuses to accept that son needs serious help, help we cannot give him. This has been going on strong for about a year. I wanted to send him to outward bound last summer and we didn't. Its too late for outward bound now. Hes too far gone. They wont take him in his state. I say just spend the college fund on drug treatment because he won't make it to college anyhow based on the road he's going down now. Husband thinks we just need to lay off, give him the chance to make the right decisions. I don't. Son has been given too many chances and opportunities to make the right decision and has failed time and time again I can't even stand being in the same house with either one of them. I'm a mess. I don't sleep. I eat all the time (wish I was one of those people that couldn't eat when they're stressed-I'm exactly the opposite). I am an emotional wreck all the time, very bi*%chy, and am totally full of rage. I know I need to get a handle on it, know I should try to see someone, but I just don't have the extra time or energy. I do go to AlAnon and that is really helpful. Being on here is also really helpful. It's so cathartic to spill the whole story, to put it in writing, to know that there are others in my same boat. Thanks.