I don't know what to do anymore

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Skylark Matrix, Mar 7, 2008.

  1. Skylark Matrix

    Skylark Matrix New Member

    My difficult child is nearly 21 - has somehow managed to stay in college since Sept. Actually has done decently, passing anyway. Attendance is dropping off gradually, but only 6 more weeks to go. I was starting to think we had it "Made in the shade". I've been controlling her funding = paying the rent, doling out the rest in weekly allotments. She has forged 3 cheques, but not"too" badly......... considering........
    The greatest challenge is that she has decided once again to be promiscuous. Has dated a guy since Nov - sort of --- slept with him of course, but didn't know his real full name until today. Has been sleeping with someone else for a month, a prime catch - unsure of age, has an 11 year old daughter, 14 year old son (difficult child says and I quote "I think the 14 year old was a mistake" ) oh, difficult child is so STUPID and I know that is not a nice word but it is made for a reason, as I mention to co-workers at school.
    My current dilema --- I'm so tired of trying to look for the positve, tired of trying to be supportive, tired of my daughter acting like a *****. She has discovered internet dating, so that is how she can sleep with 2 guys at the same time, it is a limitless world now and of course they are all so nice to be with. She told me yesterday and I quote again "I can tell in 10 minutes what someone is really like " oh ya, how about the past 30 guys, how did that happen?
    Any advice, crying shoulders, would be appreciated.
  2. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Well, you're welcome to my shoulder. People tell me they're pretty broad considering my height.

    Do you think maybe it's time for difficult child to grow up and fly on her own?

    Some people, difficult child's in particular, just have to learn everything the hard way. Doesn't matter what you do to help, they still have to take the hard way.

    How can one forge checks "not too badly"? Forging checks is forging checks. It's stealing.

    You don't have to be supportive of behavior you disapprove of.

    I know it's hard watching our kids keep making the same mistakes over and over when WE can see the answer right THERE, and they can't. Hard and frustrating.

    Maybe you're supporting and helping difficult child too much?

  3. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Hi and welcome.
    Frankly, there isn't one thing you can do to stop her. She's of age. You can certainly not APPROVE of it, and I wouldn't allow her to talk about it. Just tell her to make sure she uses protection, but tell her that if she wishes to be irresponsible, you aren't going to be a part of it...and warn her about how a pregnancy would derail her good times. Other than that, you have no legal control over her. If she's still living at home, and if you really want to take a hard line, you can make her leave. You can control your reaction to her, but you can't control her. Frankly, with her forging checks and doing all the guys, I'd want her to get a job and move out to learn about supporting herself in the real world. Maybe it would give her less time for her activities. I wouldn't fund this behavior. Good luck! I feel for you.
  4. DazedandConfused

    DazedandConfused Active Member

    I would not do ANYTHING to support her negative behavior.

    The forged checks belong to you?? I assume that they did because anyone else would have had her arrested. Only three?? Yikes, have you ever been living with difficult child for way too long. (((hugs)))

    Honestly, I couldn't live with anyone, especially an adult, my child or not, that did the sort of behavior.
  5. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    Your daughter is very lucky you're her mother. I would have called the police and pressed charges on the first forged check, let alone the other two. Sorry, you commit the crime, you do the time and forging checks is a felony whether it be for $0.05 or $500.00. It's one thing if she did this as a child, but she's an adult. Absolutely not acceptable in my mind.

    As to the men, that's her business. I know if it were my daughter, I'd have to swallow hard but also face the fact there's nothing I could do about it. As was said, I'd give advice about birth control and condoms (two separate issues in my mind -- one to prevent a pregnancy, the other to prevent deadly diseases). I'd hope she learns to love herself enough to not just give herself to any guy who says something good to her but that may take time and a good therapist.

    I hope she quits this downward spiral and gets back on track. I wish you luck.
  6. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    Sometimes the hardest thing to do is the best thing to do---nothing at all. Let her take control of her own life. She may make mistakes, but allow her to suffer the consequences of those mistakes.