I don't know what to think..


Well-Known Member
My difficult child now has a para-professional who follows him around all day. This is the third week it's been going on and I just found out about it on Monday. The school thinks difficult child is violent and needs to be watched. Get this.....he has never, ever, been in a fist fight at school (or anywhere). I'm just at my wits end with this school and I don't know what to say. difficult child doesn't seem to care, but he doesn't care about much, period. Should I just let it go and quit beating myself up over all this stuff all the time? I think I need stronger antidepressants for myself. It may be the only way I'm going to get him through school...

WHY is this sooooooo hard?????

Sara PA

New Member
That would be considered a change of placement or an IEP accomodation and you should have been informed; in fact, you should have been told and, if you disagreed, had the right to do a due process hearing about it.

Should you let it go? Well, you know by now you can't make the school do -- or not do -- anything they don't want to do -- or not do. It depends on how much you feel like taking on.

by the way, antidepressants only change your brain chemistry, they don't change the world we have to deal with. They won't change the school.


New Member
I hear you loud and clear Pamela. I dont think that was right of them to not let you know abt the aide-and for 3 WEEKS!!!!Incredible!!!!I know how you are feeling though-and I just cant understand why the secrets go on-I think that is a BIG issue as to why we as parents are alwasy thinking the worst and are so "untrusting". Im in the same boat here. Its not so much as a trust issue-its a matter of keeping us an equal part of the "team" and keeping us informed.
I still am having such a hard time understanding why this is SUCH a hard thing for them to do????I just dont get it!

timer lady

Queen of Hearts

I might send a certified letter to SD asking for the criteria determining that difficult child needs a one on one aide. Who made this determination? Include in this letter that you rec'd no notification of an IEP meeting & that you, as the parent, are an integral part of said team.

Having said that, a one on one aide was one of the best interventions for both kt & wm in the school setting. However, it was an agreed upon intervention by the entire IEP team.

As a parent, you hate feeling left out of decisions made on behalf of your children - even if the decision may be a good one.

In the meantime, taking this on may be a bit more than you can handle from the sounds of things right now.

Take care of yourself, lady. You sound tired.


New Member
Ironically, many parents fight tooth and nail to get an aide like this. BUT, while I had to fight to get one for my oldest, I definetlly would NOT like not having it be discussed FIRST.
I know many many kids do benefit from having one.....for some kids it might be The Thing that permits the child to be able to make it thru a school day.

Sadly....our experience was as far too many of our personal experiences. Our 1-1 aide was supposed to be for calming and reassuring my child so she could make it thru a day but instead, - somehow- the "job description" got ? messed up in translation from IEP meeting to practical application and instead of being a calming, reassuring, encouraging presence, our 1-1 aide became the biggest instigator of more difficulties.
SO- if you do decide the 1-1 might be a positive thing for your child, be sure to make sure it is very clearly worded in the IEP the REASON why there is a 1-1 and have it spelled out VERY clearly what the 1-1 role is for your son. Good luck!


Well-Known Member
It's my understanding (without real knowledge till the ARD meeting next week), that this para-professional does nothing but sit and follow. She never talks to him, but is there to make sure that he doesn't "hurt" anyone. She follows him to his resource room, the library, the restroom, lunch, etc. I think you all are right, though, why weren't we part of the TEAM??


Well-Known Member
That's really weird. Especially if your difficult child has never been in a fistfight. I wonder what else is going on? Have you set up a mtng yet?


Well-Known Member
We have an ARD that has already been scheduled (before this para person following him around) for 2/23. I guess I'll just suck it up for now since difficult child is going to be leaving this school soon to go to the sd classes in another elementary school. I just get tired of fighting all the time......fight with husband about difficult child, fight with school about difficult child, fight WITH difficult child......and on and on. Whatever happened to having any fun in this life? ARg....


Active Member
Maybe you could work this to difficult children advantage? As long as she there what could she do to help difficult child have an easier time in school? She could act like his executive functions; if he has problems with that. She could be a big help. by the way What is she going to do if something happens?


New Member
you know, before my oldest got some of her diagnosis'es she was treated one way at school, but when she got different diagnosis'es they did treat her and view her thru very different eyes. For the longest time she had a diagnosis of ADD, and they handled her nonchalantly, but as soon as they added "mood disorder" they began to act as if she might act ...possessed or something and when they changed her diagnosis to bipolar you woulda thought they expected her to suddenly become a raving maniac foaming at the mouth or something. I kept trying to tell them HEY! she is still the same kid she always was....but -----they seemed like upon seeing certain diagnosis's, they would have different expectations for how she might then behave. My dtr NEVER had a rage at school.....she NEVER had a meltdown or tantrum at school-----she never touched another person not once, and she never threw ANYTHING.
BUT after getting a formal diagnosis of bipola,r they used to act afraid of her..and they would get defensive and they kept trying to put things into her IEP about "what if she...." and I kept saying why are we discussing this- have you seen anything to even hint she might? they kept saying no--but then they would add in this "but........"

AND as I said above, our 1-1 situation sure was ......different. Actually, I asked several times outright if the school had hired the 1-1 to deliberately trigger my dtr.
My dtrs 1-1 did some very bizarre things----

One day she was sitting beside my dtr and began to yell very loud, Buffy! you have bugs walking in your hair. Over and over. In front of the whole class.
In an IEP meeting 1-1 attended it was decided for Buffy to be permitted to write in a journal WHENEVER she felt a panic attack coming on- no matter WHAT the rest of the class was doing------in order to try to reduce Buffys need to leave class to go to "safe place" we were trying to get her to be able to self calm in the room. In the IEP meeting it was decided Buffy would not have to explain herself, or share what she wrote with ANYONE. so long as she quietly took out her special notebook it was supposed to be OK. 1-1 repeatedly would yank the journal away from Buffy and read it out loud to class.
Then the 1-1 decided it was her duty to go into the STALL with Buffy. Noone asked 1-1 to do so, there had never been any reason for 1-1 to do so--but 1-1 decided she HAD to keep Buffy in her line of vision at all times. (nevermind 1-1 did not even arrive at school until 3rd hour and often left Buffy to run errands for teacher)
Clearly NONE of these things fell into the original intention of my kid having a 1-1. Instead of being supportive or encouraging or calming, our experience was more to the effect of, gosh darn, are you here to trigger the worst in this kid? Maybe to justify outplacement or triggeer a bigger problem?