I have had it with the judgements!!!

[Dara]

My DHs boss had a meeting with him this afternoon saying how it is our parenting skills that are causing the problem. He said that it isnt right that a 3year old controls the home. I do agree that a 3 year old shouldnt control the home. There has been no form of discipline that Sammy has responded to. He doesnt care, it doesnt phase him. So Mr Boss tells husband to spank sammy. Now, doesnt it seem hypocritical to spank a child when you are telling them not to hit? Not to mention, Sammy wouldnt care anyways. He is that stubborn. Mr Boss has 3 perfect children. He has no out of the ordinary issues. He absolutly does not understand that there is something going on with Sammy that noone has been able to figure out other than there is osmething going on. Mr boss said his sister has the same problem of her kids being in control at her house. Her oldest is dyslexic and has other problems and her youngest has hundreds of seizures a day and that is just summing up his problems.
I am so MAD :grrr: He has know idea of what it is like! I cant take these people anymore! I am going to go out of my mind!
Sorry about the venting, I am just so mad!!!!
Dara

 

[Loris]

I'm really sorry that you had to endure that. You're right, the man has no clue. I can't believe he called him in for that, seems out of line to me. Problem is, we are get the judgements from those with "perfect kids". Try to ignore it and go on with what you're doing. You know your son best. I hope it gets better soon.

 

[SRL]

No people don't know what it's like unless they've been in these shoes.

It sounds to me like husband needs to stop discussing your son in the workplace. There's really no need for his boss to know these personal details of your lives. In fact, there's a big reason why he shouldn't--it's hard to parent these kids successfully and if he has a narrow minded boss it could reflect poorly on your husband.

 

[Dara]

The problem is, my husband works in a small office so everyone knows everyone elses business. His Bosses sister works there too and husband and Bosses sister understand each others issues. I agree, It is hard anyway without other people judging. We are doing what all of the doctors and therapists suggest. Noone has found the right way to get through to Sammy at this point so it is basically trial and error. My husband let it roll off but It really infuriated me. I guess i am having one of those weeks!

 

[SRL]

If I could make a suggestion, the period that you are in with your child currently is a really poor one to be discussing his issues with people out there in your general world. It's 100% guaranteed that people will not understand and will look at this as a mis-managed child by parents who are using faulty parenting techniques.

I'd be telling husband to feel free to share the cute and funny and intelligent things that Sammy does, just as any other parent does. But until you're through the diagnostic phase and have a diagnosis you agree with, to zip it shut beyond that unless he has an understanding ear. Even in a small workplace they don't need to know your business at this point--there will be time later for the education that people who surround us need.

 

[tiredmommy]

I agree with SRL on this. husband needs to be mum with his co-workers for now.

 

[Dara]

Thank you guys so much. My husband really isnt going to talk about it. THe boss is a good guy but really doesnt get it. His sister told my husband that he just wants to help but doesnt understand how different it is from the average child. I am over it. It has been one of those weeks where all of this stuff is just getting to me and I feel so isolated right now. I dont really have any friends in our area so it gets kind of depressing. We all have yucky weeks or days and this is one of them.
Thanks again

 

[SRL]

Hang in there, Dara. I had loads of friends when difficult child flared up but even that didn't help when it came to someone understanding. I'd say something about difficult child being super strongwilled and my friend would jump right in there with her story about her strong willed child...which in comparison to her perfect child certainly seemed strong willed but was a cakewalk compared to my difficult child.

When I was going through the diagnositic stage and shortly after, I wanted so much for people to understand and then I realized they couldn't. They didn't live my life, they didn't see the whole picture of my difficult child, they didn't feel my pains. All they had to go on were their own parenting experiences which were totally different than mine. In time many of them have come around but it has taken a diagnosis, them seeing difficult child when he's flying his true colors, in contrast with the progress he's made because of the interventions he's had. I also have two other children who are turning out to be nice people without all the extra difficult child needs so they have some proof that it's not my parenting techniques that are totally at fault.

It's never easy when people criticize but you'll find your skin getting thicker when you have answers and a plan.

 

[Dara]

Thank you for that. There are some days or weeks where the judgements dont bother me at all. THen there are weeks like this one where it gets to be too much. You are right. We are going throught the diagnosis phase and that in itself is stressful. When we have answers and a plan, we will be able to deal a little better.

 

[tryingtocope]

Dara, I know where you are coming from. I am currently going through the whole diagnosis process. I feel like I have no support from anyone ecxept on this board. I definitely would not expect a friend or co-worker to understand; My family doesn't even understand. All the judgments made me wait instead of getting my difficult child help sooner. First, I blamed my parenting skills and then started to believe that he would just outgrow this behavior. All I can say is to keep your difficult child's issues private and continue to try to get him help. I wish you luck and keep coming here for support.

 

[Dara]

THank you all for all of the support. I know we have good days and bad days. Most of the time I can brush the judgements and comments off. Sometimes though, They get to me. There are days or weeks where it would be nice to hear, you guys are doing a good job or your good parents. Thankfully, the therapists and doctors do tell us that. I must go, poor sammy is sick with a fever today.
Thank you all agian for the supportive words. It is nice to have a place to go!