I know no one can really do anything about it, but I'm feeling very down right now and just need to update my story. Friday afternoon I took my son1 to see his therapist. On the way he started talking about some of his friends who cut themselves. Of course my red flag goes up, but I have to be careful what I say. Son1 is deemed high functioning autism (now that there no longer is an Asperger's diagnosis), but he has more than that. For what ever reason, he is extremely suggestable. So I can't make a big deal out of cutting or he will end up cutting himself. I asked him if he knows why some kids cut themselves and he said one of the kids says it's "to know I'm still human" and the other kid says it's the reaction he gets from his family and friends. We go in and talk to the therapist and I find out son1 has taken the razor I use to scrape my granite counter tops and hidden it in his room. He says it's somewhere in his clothes or his bed linens or a clear plastic container...basically he says he can't remember where it is. Which tells me a couple things 1) he wants to see my reaction and watch me look for it 2) he didn't really put the razor in his room (because he often lives in a fantasy world and gets the 2 worlds confused sometimes) or 3) he really hid the razor and truly doesn't know where he put it. At any rate, he continues on to say he is thinking about suicide and says he tried to hang himself a few weeks prior to this. Then he breaks down and starts crying hysterically that the voices in his head are relentless and won't leave him alone. He's been seeing and hearing things that aren't there for several years. He's seen multiple psychiatrists and just last week had an EEG because his pediatrician was concerned it was neurological. The EEG came back normal. Soooo, I took him to the hospital where we waited for about 8 hours before he was admitted into and transported to the psychiatric hospital. Which I know he needs so I explained everything to son1 and signed all the paperwork. However 24 hours later I find out the average stay is 7 - 10 days and for some reason that is really knocking my emotions for a spin. Instead of calling the insurance companies I'm typing here. Thing is my son is worried he will inherit the bio family problems with bi-polar disorder and schizophrenia. Just a couple days before I had to take him to the doctor son1 told husband he would end up in the mental hospital because son1 has a biological uncle who is institutionalized. I was the one who took him to the hospital while dad had the other children at home so it was me that experienced the son1's fear of being institutionalized and the tears, sobs and hysterical laughing over the irony of the situation. I'm not feeling guilty for having taken him to the hospital. Actually I'm grateful he's there because my husband and I have always believed son1 would get more help if he could be observed for a longer period of time. I think my feelings are coming mostly because not one single one of my 5 children seems to be going to have a "normal" life. Daughter1 is gay with commitment issues, daughter2 is narcissistic, unhappy and annoyed by 98% of the people of the world- including husband and I, who by the way are the #1 cause of all her problems, son1 might be bipolar? schizophrenic? on top of autism, Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI), etc., son2 has been out of the house for 23 months now and is only 13 because he has anger problems and disassociates to the point his therapist is having trouble reaching him and he can't come home until he meets certain therapeutic milestones, and finally, daughter 3, at the age of 10 has finally convinced me she was meant to be a boy and wants to change her name and make that transition at school right now. My husband is depressed but won't see a therapist or doctor about it and I'm having a major fibromyalgia flare up right now. Anyways...Thank you to anyone who reads this for taking the time.