Last night easy child was gone to work, husband was at the barn feeding horses and I was inside alone.
I was in the bathroom and the phone rang. I started to let it just ring then somewhere the thought came that it may be about difficult child and I went to answer it.
The voice was low and I thought they asked for easy child. I said "who??" and they asked if easy child was here. I said no she's not home and I am sure I sounded short and they hung up.
My thoughts got away from me and I just knew it was difficult child that called and I was short with him. I pressed star69 to get the number. I called and asked to speak to difficult child and yes it was him that called but he was gone now.
I felt horrible. I wasn't aware that it was him at the time, but that didn't make me feel any better. My mind raced to thoughts of him thinking I was hateful to him and didn't love him. Oh, how my mind plays tricks on me where difficult child is concerned.
I decided this am to try to call him and make sure he knew I loved him and to explain that I wasn't aware it was him that called last night. I called, he was there but asleep. I asked his difficult child buddy to wake him and he tried but I could hear difficult child telling him to leave him alone. He said "it's your mom, man get up" difficult child said" no it's not leave me alone". I told him not to worry about it just tell him when he gets up to call home.
Well, I shared with husband what I did and he was furious. He said I was opening the door again. He wanted to know what I was going to say if I did talk to him. I said he has his mail here for his insurance and the warrants for his license, I was going to tell him about his mail. He again said what are you going to let him do? Are you going to let him come get his mail?
I honestly had not thought that far ahead. I was again consumed with guilt that my son may think I was short with him and he was trying to reach out for help and I didn't care.
husband and I are okay now, after a spat and him finally understanding my fears and my need to make it right.
Just wanted to share with you all.
Something so small sent me spiraling downward in my thoughts. I thought I was doing so well with detaching, what a wakeup call I have had.
It is scarey. husband went right back to protection mode and I went right back to the you don't love him like I do mode. We cannot survive in these modes and it has been wonderful since we have moved past them.
Something as small as a phonecall sent us straight back.......
I was in the bathroom and the phone rang. I started to let it just ring then somewhere the thought came that it may be about difficult child and I went to answer it.
The voice was low and I thought they asked for easy child. I said "who??" and they asked if easy child was here. I said no she's not home and I am sure I sounded short and they hung up.
My thoughts got away from me and I just knew it was difficult child that called and I was short with him. I pressed star69 to get the number. I called and asked to speak to difficult child and yes it was him that called but he was gone now.
I felt horrible. I wasn't aware that it was him at the time, but that didn't make me feel any better. My mind raced to thoughts of him thinking I was hateful to him and didn't love him. Oh, how my mind plays tricks on me where difficult child is concerned.
I decided this am to try to call him and make sure he knew I loved him and to explain that I wasn't aware it was him that called last night. I called, he was there but asleep. I asked his difficult child buddy to wake him and he tried but I could hear difficult child telling him to leave him alone. He said "it's your mom, man get up" difficult child said" no it's not leave me alone". I told him not to worry about it just tell him when he gets up to call home.
Well, I shared with husband what I did and he was furious. He said I was opening the door again. He wanted to know what I was going to say if I did talk to him. I said he has his mail here for his insurance and the warrants for his license, I was going to tell him about his mail. He again said what are you going to let him do? Are you going to let him come get his mail?
I honestly had not thought that far ahead. I was again consumed with guilt that my son may think I was short with him and he was trying to reach out for help and I didn't care.
husband and I are okay now, after a spat and him finally understanding my fears and my need to make it right.
Just wanted to share with you all.
Something so small sent me spiraling downward in my thoughts. I thought I was doing so well with detaching, what a wakeup call I have had.
It is scarey. husband went right back to protection mode and I went right back to the you don't love him like I do mode. We cannot survive in these modes and it has been wonderful since we have moved past them.
Something as small as a phonecall sent us straight back.......