i need help

[scoot]

Its only been two months into the school year and my son has refused to work,has beEN Suspended off the bus.
BeEN in In School Suspension,aall becauwe of his behavior.Yesterday,I found out that he got into an argumend with-a neighbor kid on the bus,that esculaTED To a fight off the bus.BUt what scares me is that my son stabbed the kid in the head with-a pencil.
He said he was defending his self and was trying to get the kid off hI'm.
What the problem is ,its almost like he dosent understand that it was wrong,and he says the kid deserved it.
The. when questioned more/he became hhighly upset and when he doas he always criES,then came the everYONe hates me,sometimas I think you hate mE,Ihate myself,wish I Wasn't born and I wish I wasn't born this way..He almost always says these things when he is hhighly upset.
He also told a girl that has been bothering him on the bus for awhile now that he was going to kill her. I asked hI'm about that too and he said he was frustarted becauwe she wouldon't leave hI'm aLONe and he didn't mEAN it.Not understanding that,that is now considared a serious threat,a d charges can be filed against hI'm in bothe situations.I tried to take him to counseling,but he doesnt participate.He said it wont work,I'm not going to change.
I don't know what to do anymore,schools not working,he can't ride the bus and I am going to have a hard time getting him back and forth to school.I can't home school him any more.
What's the answer?
Is there an answer?

 

[InsaneCdn]

What does he have for dxes?
IEP?
Interventions/accommodations/medications/etc.?

 

[BusynMember]

Who has diagnosed him? Is he in treatment? I think maybe your son doesn't mean "I won't change" as much as "I can't change" and he probably can't just by deciding "I want to change." He is likely stuck with some neurological disorder.

I scanned a few earlier posts and it says he is repeating sentences. That's only a small clue, but it could be either Tourette's Syndrome (does he have tics?) or autistic spectrum disorder/Aspergers. I don't see any signature. Can you fill us in on his background? There is also a mention of guardianship. Is he adopted and did he have a lot of chaos in his early life? Have any drugs or alcohol in his system at birth?

This info alone doesn't help us to get a feel for your situation. Can you tell us more, from infancy on? Could he have been exposed to lead? I was hearing about kids who have lead in their systems today and it is not something we normally think about, but if he lived in an old house, it's a possibility and can be tested.

Thanks, and I'm so sorry you are having a hard time, but I really believe your son is doing the best he can. Most of the time kids do the best they can, but if they have inborn disorders, that isn't always good enough so then they give up...

 

[fun fam]

How old is your son? I'm sorry you are going through this.

 

[scoot]

My son is 16/son has severe social skill problems/diagnosed with-frontal Lobe exective fuctioning deficits/pychomoTor delays and borderline IQ/BECauwe of his behavior and social skills he dosent have any cloSE FRiends.HIs dad does drugs and drinks/his dad was diagnosed with-Parinoid schizophrenia.
At 4 monTHS into my pregnancy they found out he had severe kidney problems.My son weighed 10 lbs at birth had to be vaccumed out/also wasn't able to suck/had to be fed thru a noSE Tube.He was taken to nicu AN Hour after birh/stayed in hospiTAl abOut a month.From age 1-2he had a couple of sergeries.frOM 3/5 he attended a medical headstart,he had behavior issues back then ,they Said he was adhd.
The ADHD label folloed hI'm untI'll last year when I GOt these other dxs And ruled out adhd.NO one wI'll acknowledge ODD and its even harder to get any one to test for Autisum.
My son,dosent repeat sentences anymore or have any tics.
If You have any furather questions just let me know

 

[BusynMember]

ODD is kind of an unhelpful diagnosis. He does have a lot of autistic symptoms and both autism and ADHD include executive function dficits. Often kids with parents who have psychiatric issues, like bipolar and schizophrenia, instead are born with forms of autism. I know this is a fact. I do not know why. Nobody does. But they seem to be somehow related. Your son does not sound schizophrenic to this layman. He is not out of touch with reality at all. He knows he has problems and that they are difficult ones to change. Obviously, I'm not a doctor, but...I wouldn't be looking there right now.

This boy is NOT being hard on you on purpose. The poor kid can't get a correct diagnosis or treatment. Have you ever had a genetics test to see if he has a genetics disorder? It is a simple blood test. My own son had the test. Because of his birth and weight maybe he has a hidden problem t hat has never been uncovered. I don't think ADHD begins to cover his issues and you may never know everything that is wrong, but he is one of our "differently wired" children who may need help all his life and certainly does NOT deserve to be treated as "bad" by anyone. The medical issues make me think that maybe they are all connected. Poor kid. I agree with your son...he probably won't change, but only because he can't. (If you live in Wisconsin, and want our kids to connect, PM me! You can do it on this forum!)

I would demand a genetics test just to be safe. Many times medical problems actually are the cause of behavioral and learning problems. He will possibly need ongoing adult care and the school, which usually initiates this, is not doing so. Have you ever signed him up for the Special Olympics? My son met his first friends there and he is really making progress socially and in every way now that he has services that help him mingle and advance. He has autism, but he was adopted and born with drugs in his system so that contributed to his issues, but they DID get better once he got the help he needed. He has gained great confidence in himself and does not have any behavioral problems now, although he did when he was little. He also had open heart surgery as an infant...so there goes the medical/behavioral question mark.

You have a ton of sympathy from me and so does your boy. I wish you lived nearby. My son would be happy to mentor him and he is now in a good place. In your son's case, he is being let down by those who have the power to help him. I am very puzzled that nobody of yet has taken a blood test to test for possible genetic issues, but it's not too late. Our differently wired kids mature later, often much later, and there is still the rest of his life and yours. YOU need a break too. You need to be able to take good care of yourself and your stress level in spite of having a difficult child.

I am really sorry you are going through this. It is not your fault at all and I don't believe it is your boy's fault either. Big hugs.

 

[InsaneCdn]

Quoting the OP:

- My son is 16/son has severe social skill problems/
- diagnosed with-frontal Lobe exective fuctioning deficits/
- pychomoTor delays and
- borderline IQ/
- BECauwe of his behavior and social skills he dosent have any cloSE FRiends

And they won't test for Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD)? Seriously? and/or (as MWM said) genetic issues?

This is NOT ADHD. Nor ODD. It isn't too late to get help... and getting help can make a huge difference to his life and yours. But somehow, you need a high-quality comprehensive evaluation.

 

[scoot]

Quoting the OP:

- My son is 16/son has severe social skill problems/
- diagnosed with-frontal Lobe exective fuctioning deficits/
- pychomoTor delays and
- borderline IQ/
- BECauwe of his behavior and social skills he dosent have any cloSE FRiends

And they won't test for Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD)? Seriously? and/or (as MWM said) genetic issues?

This is NOT ADHD. Nor ODD. It isn't too late to get help... and getting help can make a huge difference to his life and yours. But somehow, you need a high-quality comprehensive evaluation.

Where do I go/everywhere I go they guess.no one wants to do the testing and the behavior is esculating.who does genetic testing?

 

[Californiablonde]

His pediatrician can do the genetic testing. My son had genetic testing when he was ten to rule out Fragile X syndrome as well as a few others. The test came out fine but we did get the autism diagnosis from a neuropsychologist. My son now receives special services through his school and he is doing much better.

 

[BusynMember]

Where do I go/everywhere I go they guess.no one wants to do the testing and the behavior is esculating.who does genetic testing?

I found that my pediatrician had us go to a genticist for the testing because not only is he familiar with all the tests and what could show up...he counseled us as well. The test came back negative, but it took a while to get it back. There are many genetics problems that cause terrible behavior problems. We wanted to rule them all out. We wanted him to have a total screen.

Your pediatrician seems very iffy about sending you to test your child. Maybe a fresh pediatrician, who listens to you, may be a good idea. You shouldn't have to fight to get testing and services.

 

[scoot]

Sped Supervisor called me again,told me son is very defiant/refusing to do any work/cussing/bulling kiD's that are younger weaker than hI'm/being disrespectful to his teachers/writing nOTES on his papERS saying hes Overwhelmed and doESNT even try.He lies to me about what's going on,and then when I complain,I find out something different.He was in In school Suspension again,she said if he continues she wI'll refer hI'm to the resourse officer/and then its in his hands.She said this is not due to his disablites,BUt flat out defiance.I am afraid that he might get sent away...

 

[BusynMember]

The teacher is an educator, not a psychologist. She has no idea why he is doing something. I'd be fuming mad if she said that to me and I'd ask her where she got her medical degree. Reporting problems is one thing. Telling you what is fueling your child is another.

 

[InsaneCdn]

She said this is not due to his disablites,BUt flat out defiance

Get an advocate if you can. Someone who knows the system.

Kids do well if they can... NOT "if they want to". THIS IS NOT DEFIANCE. Sorry... been there done that.

 

[Confused]

The more I read here, the more agree with and things start to click. They are right, changes Peds or even to another one in the same group like I did. I was ready to switch when this Dr finally helped. Yes, he needs other testing done, call the Neourolists, NeruroPsychs, advocates like suggested. Hugs your way