I Need Some Help

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by pleez_help, Jan 5, 2009.

  1. pleez_help

    pleez_help New Member

    I am in need of some help. I have a 9 year old difficult child who is causing some problems. He has ADHD and I'm thinking maybe some ODD also. He has been very aggressive and just down right mean to his brothers and sisters, and me too. Right now he is one zoloft and adderall. Anyway, when I was taking him to school this morning he told me that he wanted to kill himself.:surprise: How does a 9 year old child get this from????????:confused: I am taking him this afternoon to see a counselor. I am truly at my wits end with this child. He has trouble making friends, and says that he don't have anyone to play with:sad-very:. It breaks my heart to even think that he just sits on the wall at recess. Every parent wants their children to have lots of friends. I just want to know if your difficult child's have the same problems.

    I told him that if he said that he wanted to kill himself again I would have him locked up. What should I do? Thank You!!
  2. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    Does your difficult child see a psychiatrist? I would have them look at the medications. If he is not better they are not helping. Who diagnosed your child? Have you had any evaluations done and if so by what type of professional? Hugs, and I am glad you found us but sorry you had to. Others will be along soon.

    My difficult child has a few friends now, but for years he would tell you he had lots of best friends, but could not name one. Now he has "lots" of girlfriends, but really has none. Which is best, but sad that he makes it up.
  3. Nancy423

    Nancy423 do I have to be the mom?

    The first time my difficult child said anything about killing (the neighbor, then herself) we asked the psychiatrist and therapist for emergency meetings. Please find a doctor if you don't have one.
    second, zoloft and other anti-depressants can cause suicidal feelings in teens and younger children. my pharmacy used to give an info sheet with- each and every script that was for 18 and younger (then did it for everyone right before i left).
    three, maybe there's more going on than the ADHD. I've been trying for the last 6 years to get soemthing other than ADHD (cuz my gut says it isn't) and I hear doctor say things but they don't put it in the diagnosis codes.

    anyway, red flag on the killing statement. please take it seriously even if it's just talk.
  4. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    Talk of suicide when your child is on one of the anti depressants is a big red flag.
    I would see if you can get an emergency appointment with a psychiatrist.

    If the medications are not helping your son's behaviour, then chances are that you're looking at something other than ADHD/ODD. Lots of us have started out with that diagnosis, and then started down the path to finding out what's really going on with our children.

    Who did the diagnosis? Have you had a neuropsychologist evaluation for your son?

    So many other conditions (including Autism spectrum disorders, early onset bipolar, etc.) have symptoms that mimic those of ADHD. ODD rarely travels alone, and is often a symptom of an underlying condition that has not been properly addressed.

    Like so many other things in life, a doctor sees hoofprints in the sand and assumes horses rather than zebras. However, many of our children are the zebras.

    Hang in there. Very glad you found us.

    Last edited: Jan 5, 2009
  5. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Welcome, Pleez.

    You've gotten some good ideas here.

    I'm glad you've made an appointment. pronto.

    The dr needs to find out if your son just wants to get rid of his emotional pain, or if he has an actual plan. Either way, you are wise to pay attention and do something immediately.

    I know that some drugs can cause suicidal behavior in young children. I would definitely bring this to the dr's attention. You may have to change medications.

    My son is 12 and the psychiatric wanted him put on Zoloft last month. I never did it. I've still got the scrip in my car. So far my son is on Adderal, Clonidine, and Vistaril (an antihistamine, for sleep) and they make a huge difference. I am leery of starting Zoloft ... if it's not broken, don't fix it. We see her again today. Should be interesting.

    I hope you are able to reassure your son that you love him and that killing himself is not a good idea. Did you ask him why he feels that way? What did he say, other than he would make people cry? Why did he want people to cry? Does he feel unloved?
  6. Ropefree

    Ropefree Banned

    My son is adhd and that age, nine, was especially difficult. The good news
    is he is telling you that he feels THAT BAD.
    His psyciatrist will take the statement about suicide seriously. Going to a conselor is good. And these are sensible to pusue together. If you are recieving medication monitoring and conseling through the DOE you can also pursue services through your private insurance.
    I moved from one school district simply because the attitude about adhd was
    My son enjoyed lots of differant types of help. A lunch social group formed by an award winning conselor, for example, where the kids worked on the skills of freindships. Having an adult met the child fro lunch once a week just to talk. the Big brother big sister program.
    Right now the crissis is about the suicidal thinking. That requires immediate attention. Possibly medication adjusting ect, but you and your child need to know that there are happier times ahead and you, parent, need to craft those oppertunities.
    Good luck.
  7. bran155

    bran155 Guest

    Hello and welcome. I agree with the others, take him seriously, get him into a doctor/hospital, whatever is faster. I also agree that Zoloft might be the cause of the suicidal thoughts. My daughter is going to be 18 next month and I would be reluctant to try Zoloft. I also agree that it could be more than ADHD, my daughter started out with that diagnosis. It stuck but a few have been added over the years. I can understand the heartbreak with regards to your child not having friends. When my daughter was in Elementary School she could not maintain friendships, in fact to this day she has trouble keeping friends. She changes friends more than she does her underwear!!! It is very sad to watch your child struggle socially. It got better for my daughter once she was placed into Special Education, she no longer felt like the elephant in the room. She was truly with her peers.

    You found a wonderful place to connect with others who really do understand what you are going through.

    Hang in there and God bless. :)

    Trinity: I love the horse/zebra reference!!!
  8. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    RUN--do not walk--for help with this child. If it turns out that he is not serious...OK. But if there is even a remote chance that he IS seriously considering, on any level, harming/killing himself...then he needs help NOW!

    And we are all here for emotional support--whenever you need us...
  9. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    Last year my now 12 yr old son fell into a deep anxiety. He told me his body was telling him to hurt himself and at times to kill me. This was a shock to say the least because we have never had any problems with him. It was very scary. The one self harm thought that put us over the edge was the need to jump from the 3rd floor balcony at the Mall of America. He won that battle but it was a strong one. He could not get down to ground level fast enough and then fell apart once outside and safe. We got into a therapist within days of that episode.

    The therapist went through the normal first visit orientation covering the services he provided. He than said he could only see us once a week and if we needed more help we should go to the psychiatric hospital for services. So, I made a few appts and on the way out the door, difficult child fell apart again. "Mom, I need more help. I can't fight this anymore. My body wants me to hurt myself but I don't want to." We went down the block and had him evaluated - he was admitted for two weeks.

    It is very scary hearing those words from your child that they want to hurt or kill themselves. It really is something beyond their control. You have to count it as a blessing for your child to say something to you. I think it would be really hard to admit to anyone that you want to hurt yourself or kill yourself. The child is telling his/her mom because he/she is looking for help. Yes, sometimes it may be a ploy to see how you will react, but even so, you must send the message loud and strong that you are there to help and this is serious business.

    I think of all the kids who do kill themselves or follow through on a dangerous self harm action. Did they not feel comfortable telling an adult what was going on or did they try to ask for help but the adult didn't understand the seriousness of it.

    Sometimes we want to say, "No, don't do that - I love you and want you here." because that is the easiest way out for us (though it costs dearly in the end for some). It is kind of a denial. Maybe if we try to down play it it will go away. I wonder if I did that at the beginning. Easier to just tell my child to stop those thoughts. But sometimes it doesn't. The possible tragic ending is enough to follow every threat or statement as serious and get to the bottom of it.

    Tell him you take back about locking him up. Tell him that you love him and want to help him figure out why he wants to kill himself. A psychiatrist or therapist can help - give him a neutral party to talk to. That person can also help you with the appropriate responses when/if your son tells you that again. Believe me, you DO want to know when he is thinking this because if you do not, you are powerless to stop it.

    I don't think that many people realize that there is an evaluation before an admission. There are criterias to met. Those criterias will help you if you are struggling with "do I or don't I?" Let the evaluation decide. The professionals will turn you away if they don't see that there is a need.

    Good luck! I am sending special warrior mom strength.
  10. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Don't tell him not to talk about suicide. Then he may just do it instead of warn you. Take it seriously. Sounds like a lot more than ADHD/ODD to me too.
  11. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    Having him seen and evaluated is the priority. I agree with the other members.
    Many of us have had to "lock up" our children for the help they needed. It's wise to not infer that it is punishment for him telling you about how he feels. If he knows it's an option to help himself get control.
    Hugs, it's heartbreaking and terrifying to hear those words from your child.
  12. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Just wanted to add my welcome along with my agreement with the others about having him evaluated ASAP. Hugs.
  13. pleez_help

    pleez_help New Member

    Thank you so much, it really is nice to find people who GET what I am going through. I called the dr and told him that I was taking him off the zoloft. They called me back to tell me yes take him off. Way ahead of ya doctor. We went and met with the psychiatrist today. I'm not to sure what all was said, but difficult child did tell me some. I asked him why he wanted to kill himself, and he said because he was mad. He gets that when your dead your gone and never coming back. He GETS that. I told him how much me and daddy loves him and we would be lost without him. I asked him if he really wanted to die, and he said no. *i can breath now* The psychiatrist thinks that he can teach me and husband new tools to use with him to make him better. I sur hope so. I really don't know how much more of this I can take. I have no one to talk to. husband and I disagree on how to deal with him. I also learned that he has special rights with the school, that he don't get. I will be talking to them tomorrow. If any of you know all the ins and out I could use all the help I can get. Again, BIG THANK YOU
  14. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Just a warning so you're prepared. Abrupt withdrawal from Zoloft (or any antidepressant), with no weaning, can cause extremely bizarre behavior...he may seem a lot worse for quite some time. I know first hand as I got very crazy after abrupt withdrawal from a few antidepressants. I even got more suicidal.
    I'm puzzled that the psychiatrist didn't tell you to wean him slowly, but anyway...if he starts getting worse, it's probably the withdrawal, not that he needs the Zoloft.
  15. pleez_help

    pleez_help New Member

    He was already on a low dose, so they said no need to. He was on 25 mg. Should I just try to cut it in half, then fourths?
  16. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I'd ask the doctor. How long was he on?
  17. Ropefree

    Ropefree Banned

    This is a great place and you will get all sorts of good leads to folow in differant directiosn so that you and your spouse can have some input and feel out what aplies to your situation.

    You can call search for help to get the services that may make an enormous difference for your child at school. And the public library has plenty of resources that you can really dig in and get the info you will want to be in on while you are
    going through the learning stage to get comfy with the diagnosis and also the treatment options and also just fun stuff to ad to your family time pleasure.

    Getting down and playing with your boy, reading to him, doing things together as a family will help him not to think he has to wrestle with his differance alone.
    I tell my child and anyone else that these quirkes are a part of normal. and people live full good lives with all sorts of mental differances and it is really not that big a deal.

    There are helpful people and alot to learn and this is a good time to be alive and have these things because there is alot of care and interest and information and freinds like here to help welcome the journey warmly.
  18. pleez_help

    pleez_help New Member

    He was only on the zoloft for about 1 1/2 months. The rx was for 30 at a time, and I had to get it refilled on Christmas eve. So, he was not on it long enough to taper it off. So, right now we are only on the addrell 30mg xr amd melatonion at night for sleep. He has been on vyvanase sp? and straterra sp? that did not work. This morning was much better. I think that he was just so overwhelmed with school starting back. He was also a trud lastnight. Again thank you for all the support, I would say that you don't know how much it means, but you do. I am so happy I found this site.