I need to learn how to be strong !!!

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by sooooo tired, Sep 30, 2015.

  1. sooooo tired

    sooooo tired soooootired

    Well I just had another episode with my Difficult Child and her boyfriend. They came to pick up my grandson and the boyfriend comes back to the door and asks me to take my grandson home because they didnt have a car seat. (DUH) So my grandson gets upset because he thinks his dad is going to leave, his dad puts him in my car and starts forcing him to get buckled in, my grandson is screaming cuz hes confused, instead of being kind to his son he starts yelling at him and saying your getting in this car seat or Im smacking your x#o !!!! And then keeps ranting and raving and saying hes nothing but a spoiled brat (which he is far from) he is the most pleasant little boy I have ever known with everyone except his dad, but yet he still loves his dad. I know I am rambling, but this just happened and Im am sooo upset! My Difficult Child has signed up for school which she is suppose to start in January, I know she has to figure this all out for herself, but I always just fall apart when this stuff happens. I called my other daughter to talk to her because she is way more level headed then me, but I always feel lame crying to her. She always makes me feel better, but I just feel like she is going to lose her respect for me because I just cant handle these situations and Im the mom!! I dont want her to feel like she has to fight my battles for me with my Difficult Child but I seriously can not take any more of the drama !! I just want to move far far away and not let anyone know where I am !!!!
  2. in a daze

    in a daze Well-Known Member

    Just because u need someone to talk to doen't mean you are not handling it. Your daughter (the stable one) sounds like she's a great support to you.

    A therapist is very helpful when you have such an ongoing, stressful situation. They can help you set boundaries and counsel you on ways to respond to her antics.
  3. Tanya M

    Tanya M Living with an attitude of gratitude Staff Member

    Your poor little grandson, that must have been very scary and confusing for him.

    The only suggestion I can offer is to remind them the next time to make sure they have a car seat.

    I think it's wonderful that you can share with your other daughter. I do understand your concern about her losing respect for you but I don't think she will. Since you have been here with us you have grown and become a little stronger each day. I'm sure your daughter senses this change.

    If detaching from our Difficult Child's was easy there would be no need for this site but it's not easy, it takes time and effort. You will get there ST

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  4. Childofmine

    Childofmine one day at a time

    ST, I am sorry. I think anybody would have been upset by that. I was upset reading it.

    It's awful when an adult takes their own immaturity and frustrations out on an innocent child.

    Isn't it just incredible how every interaction with a Difficult Child is laced with drama and chaos? There is NOTHING simple when they are in full form.

    I agree with Tanya and daze. Setting boundaries and getting outside viewpoints to help determine what those are is about all you can do here. You can't fix this.

    And I know you want to see your grandson so limiting that is probably not something you want to do.

    Keep it simple. When people act awful and we have to stand by and watch, it is very very hard to do.

    Congratulate yourself on all of the progress you are making, and now...be kind to yourself tonight.

    You deserve it.

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  5. sooooo tired

    sooooo tired soooootired

  6. sooooo tired

    sooooo tired soooootired

    The problem with therapy is that a good one costs money, and my insurance doesnt cover it. I have been to alot of therapists in the last 20 years concerning her!!! And what they say makes sense when Im there but then when I get in the thick of a bad situation I cant seem to put it into practice. They basically just try to diagnose whats wrong with her and tell me the characteristics of that diagnosis. I just feel like Im the one who has to change and I cant seem to toughen up!! I have always been a very sensitive person and I dont know how to change that! The girls at work will talk about similar topics with their kids or husbands and they seem to be able to shrug it off better than me.....I dont know.....I am 62 and I feel like Im just gonna have to deal with who I am the rest of my life!
  7. in a daze

    in a daze Well-Known Member

    How about a support group ? I like Families Anonymous.
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  8. in a daze

    in a daze Well-Known Member

    And unfortunately, you (and we) are the ones who have to change. It is very hard, but the way you respond will shape their behavior.
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  9. Tanya M

    Tanya M Living with an attitude of gratitude Staff Member

    I too am a sensitive person and it took me time to "toughen" up. The key word here is time, it takes time. No one can change their behavior over night. We have to make small changes and stick with those until it's part of us, then we make another small change.

    As for the girls at work, don't be so sure that are just able to shrug it off. People can be very good at putting on a brave strong face but when they are alone it can be the total opposite.

    Try this: Write on a piece of paper "I am stronger than I know, I have it within me to overcome life's obstacle's"
    Tape that to your bathroom mirror and keep a copy in your purse. Read it out loud to yourself several times a day.
    After a week or two, add some more positive affirmations like:
    "I am worthy of respect"
    "I deserve happiness"
    "I believe in myself"
    "I choose to have Joy in my life"

    In order to change ourselves, we have to change our thought process. Again, it's little steps.

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  10. AppleCori

    AppleCori Well-Known Member

    Hi ST!

    How are you doing today?

    If I were you, I would let them know that from now on, you cannot allow anyone to act or speak disrespectfully in your presence, at least on your own property.

    I might add that my doctor has said that this is too stressful for me and not good for my heart, therefore it is doctor's orders.

    We must set boundaries with our adult DCs.

    I hope your daughter follows through on her plan to go back to college!

  11. sooooo tired

    sooooo tired soooootired

    I am better, thank you!! My daughter needs to get away from him but she is going to have to figure out how by herself! I have bailed her out too many times and she cannot move in with me, i would lose my mind!! I am still working full time and god knows what and who would be at my house!! I pray that she follows through with the schooling so she can make a life for her and my grandson before he starts school!!!
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  12. in a daze

    in a daze Well-Known Member

    Just a thought. If you work for a medium to large size company, many of them have employee assistance programs where you can get free counseling. I know 2 co workers who have used this service.
  13. Tanya M

    Tanya M Living with an attitude of gratitude Staff Member

    Hi ST, just checking in on you. Hope you are having a good day.