I really dislike these *big holidays*...

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by totoro, Oct 31, 2008.

  1. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    Grumble, grumble... Poor K is about to explode. She is boardering on Manic... It is still 2 hours from trick-or-treat time here. This has been such a big week for her. She had a Field trip, psychiatrist apt, piano and today a class party and now trick-or-treating. PLUS on top of it tomorrow she is going to her first skate party (can't really skate), and first party invite at this school....
    I would have declined, but she wants to fit in so bad...

    Grandma just called to say "HI", from Chicago, K started hiding and screaming, "I can't, I can't talk, I am scared"
    Great! A hint of what the night has to offer. I think a PRN prior to going out might be in order. I did not make her talk to Grandma.
    She is watching Arthur right now, trying to maintain. But she is running, bouncing, jerking back and forth. Much more than usual.

    I am SO looking forward to tomorrow night!
    And on top of it, N is so anxious about going out tonight also, but wants to.
    I am bringing a wagon and a big lantern... One of the problems here in Tucson, which is also a plus most nights, is that they do not have street lights.
    So when it gets dark, it is DARK!
    We have Bobcats, Coyotes, Javalinas, snakes and all kinds of things lying and running around out here in the desert.
    We have to walk through some brush and kind of scrubby areas... I like it but it can freak out a difficult child on Halloween!!!
    I also just found a HUGE spider coming in a vent... actually husband found it above my head!
    Here is hoping we all make it through this &#*$&#*#$$# night!!!
    We would not be doing anything, but this is our first year of actually living in a neighborhood.
  2. Jena

    Jena New Member

    Ok I would totally love that!! The wild animals, dark, no street lights. Seriously though sounds very cool and spooky!! Did you go with other parents, other friends of k also?

    Yes she had a huge week it's no wonder she's jumping, i've had those week's with my daughter and she just flies off the handle it's overload for their systems. Now tomorrow she also has a skating party. It'll be good for her though, I hope she is able to make some new friends there and enjoy herself.

    Hope your night was good and calm, and safe.........

    Last edited: Oct 31, 2008
  3. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I am so sorry. This sounds like such a rough time for her. I know how hard it is when they want to fit in, esp when they have regular appts and classes the same week.

    Hugs to all of you. It is really hard to watch your kids go through so much. I think the prn before going out is a pretty good idea.

    One thing to think of BEFORE Thanksgiving and Christmas - plan out those weeks as though you are a general planning a battle. I used to have to really pare down the things we did for ANY holiday to accomodate the boys' various issues (thank you's Sensory Integration Disorder (SID) was almost as big a problem as Wiz' Aspergers for this.). I got LOTS of grief from relatives who didn't understand why we couldn't stay late at their house "just this once, Come on, its a HOLIDAY!", why we had to cancel a lesson or karate class, why certain gifts (ones that fed violent obsessions) or movies had to disappear before the holidays.

    I had special holiday videos that were calming (we liked Tangerine Bear for Christmas, as well as the Winnie the Pooh videos and they are still faves), we had activities at home that fed various sensory needs, and we turned down a number of invitations/events. When one of the kids was working hard to fit in, well, we ditched some family events to do a class party. When they didn't care, or like hte child, we did family and not the party. We actually did the class parties, but not the "invite the whole class to a birthday" parties.

    I also was careful to schedule both of us available for events so that if one child needed to go home for whatever reason the other kids could stay with one parent. It wasn't easy. We missed a LOT, esp with my extended family (who never could understand). BUT we did eventually learn how to balance their anxieties, fears, needs for routine AND the holiday things. We came to a balance, I guess I am saying.

    I know you do most of this already. I just wanted to give you a reminder as the holidays reach out to grab us.

    Hugs, and I TOTALLY understand the dislike of the big holidays.

  4. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    Susie & Jen thanks!
    Susie~ Yeah we do and try to do all of those sensory diet and calming techniques. I took the girls to 3 houses and husband took them to about 7 house. That was all they could manage. N still bolted when she got scared and ran screaming and crying in terror! :( husband had to chase her and the poor family at the house felt so bad.
    K took off from me, following a dog who got out of a house. Disassociating pretty bad. They were done pretty early.
    But they both had a great time and really do not know any different so it was fun for them!
    N is staying home with Mommy next year! or so she says... poor little thing, she is asleep in our bed right now.
    This is a *great* example that I can replay to husband when his Mom tries to push for the big Christmas...
  5. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    Susie gives some excellent advice here. Duckie is doing much, much better but I used to have to live by my calendar. I could write one "smallish" thing to do per day and one big thing followed by a day off. We spent the day off doing fun things around the house:gathering leaves, coloring placemats, making pies, decorating cookies, addressing cards, making snowmen or snow angels. Easy stuff that can be somewhat child-led and could be abandoned or completed by me after bedtime. I'm notorious for not taking Duckie into to stores decorated for Christmas, it's just too much. Anticipation slips into anxiety too easily for her. She does okay with home decorated, but other kids don't, follow your instinct. Your family might do best with a simple tree and stockings going up on Christmas Eve.
  6. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I was thinking about all the ways we had to "cut back" on activities and stuff for the holidays. Not going into overly decorated stores, avoiding that Christmas aisle if kids were with us, etc.... Esp going to fewer of the family events.

    I think, in many ways, cutting back let us focus on the meaning of the holiday. Esp cutting back/scaling down the gifts. If they got too much/too big, they expected more and more toys every month. So by cutting everything down we not only had less anxiety, we actually focused more on what the holidays meant to us, instead of running around constantly from event to event. Does that make sense?
  7. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    Fully makes sense. It was easy to do all of these things living in Idaho. No family around!!!
    We would go for a walk in the snow... leisure day. Like on Christmas.
    Now mother in law is claiming she gets it, but already she is *looking into* a lit up over the top festivity going on on Christmas. At a kids museum!
    All I see is a lot of kids, sounds, lights... chaos. Sensory overload and then, "hey lets go home and open presents"
    I said to husband, "I was thinking more like a small hike in the morning to help burn off some of that excitement"
    Then come home and open the few presents we got.
    I also wanted to do the open the present over a couple of days, to take away some of the, freaking out, over the top crazy manic excitement!
    I have to be the bad guy until everyone *sees* it and realizes how hard it is on the girls.
    Which is not fair.
    I think I can do it though. Warrior mom...
  8. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    You are a great warrior mom. I had to give in on a big Christmas one year so that my parents would "see" that the issues were real, that I wasn't over-reacting, and that it really DID cause problems for weeks/months after. She was still asking at Valentines why difficult child thought he should get lots of wrapped gifts for every occasion/occurrence. He saw holiday=lots of wrapped gifts. So EVERY holiday shouls = lots of wrapped gifts. Took us until well into the summer to work that out of him that year.

    After that I had little trouble scaling things back, but it truly was a VERY difficult 6 months.

    Stick to your guns! Sending lots of strength and some extra armor so you can.
  9. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    I feel for you.
    Boy, you DID have a busy ;week! My difficult child had a field trip, and is having homework issues, so he's a bit stressed by that, some to think of it...
    You've gotten some great advice.
    I think your neighborhood sounds great!
  10. Lothlorien

    Lothlorien Active Member Staff Member

    My sympathies. I go through the same thing. Missy bounces off the walls for days and then it takes her a couple of days to recover. Christmas is always the worst, because there is so much hype for months. Hype, Music, Decorations...on and on and on. Makes her bonkers. Makes me bonkers.
  11. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    Wee difficult child started in on the Christmas "stucks" today. He saw a sign in the window of a gas station on the way to school.

    Oh, goodie. Just makes me so excited to dive into the next 52 days of my life. NOT.

    I never thought I'd dread the holidays.

    I never thought a lot of other things in my life would be like they are, either...