I revealed something about myself in a conversation with a club member and...

[rejectedmom]

I put my foot in my mouth big time. Turns out it was a very sensitive subject for the club and I stood on the opposite side of their thinking. They did a huge fundraiser for this cause a few years back and is a key element in the club pride. We are new members of the club and only learning of past events now. I am not opposed to this cause just stated that it isn't right for me personally. I now feel like I am being somewhat ostracized and talked about behind my back as a result of this unfortunate conversation with one of the officers. I am getting kinda depressed about it and skipped this weeks meeting entirely. I never would have said anything if I had realized the background relationship. It came up in conversation about a totally different subject. husband loves this club and is perfectly aligned with them on this subject. He thinks we should just continue to go and ride things out but I am not of the same mind and am having alot of anxiety over it. It would be very easy to just fade away since we are so new. What do you think? Should I stay or go? Do you think people will forget about it after a while if I keep a positive attitude and work hard at the fundraisers?? 'RM

 

[InsaneCdn]

Do you think people will forget about it after a while if I keep a positive attitude and work hard at the fundraisers??

MOST people have short memories.
What happens in the next 6-12 months will be much more important than your first month or two with a new club.
It helps, too, that husband is on-side with them more than you are. Most clubs will allow for a spouse who isn't quite as good a fit... happens more often than you think.
MOST of the time.
If that doesn't work with this club, then they aren't really the kind of people you want to be around anyway.

 

[witzend]

Well, I do this kind of thing all the time... Did you say it in a group of people or just to one or two persons?

If your husband doesn't mind or supports this cause, and he likes the group, and you're not steadfastly against, (just not your cup of tea), I would approach the person I spoke to, or the alpha person in the group I spoke to in a quiet way and say, "I felt so embarrassed that I put my foot in it last week when I said such-and-such. I would never want to give the impression that I was anti this thing, it's just not my thing. husband's opinions are more like yours. Isn't that the wonderful thing about being married so long? We can have different opinions about this type of thing and still be made for each other!" I would probably throw in a "It can be so awkward when you're new to a place and you don't know what their traditions are. I hope you'll forgive me if I offended anyone."

If they don't fall for that, I don't know what I'd say.

 

[Hound dog]

IC is right, most people's memories are very short. And they might not even be talking about it........it might just be your anxiety over sticking your foot in your mouth making it appear that way.

If you enjoyed the club before........I'd try witz's suggestion or just ride it out. Personally? I'd just ride it out and not worry about it. I don't know what sort of club this is but odds are you're not going to agree with every single thing they do anyway. Know what I mean??

 

[rejectedmom]

Witz, I said it to one member but it was the wrong one to say it to. It is his family's pet cause because his cousin was a recipriant of this charity's services. He has alot of family members in the club including the cousin (who by the way I like and admire very much). Both of his parents are also members as are several of their friends. Honestly, I do not think bringing it back up is a good thing to do.

Insane, You are right, If they are not tolerant of other people's beliefs... then I do not want to belong. So you are saying try it for a few monhs and see how it goes?

Hound it is a group that helps various charitable organizations by manning their functions, selling their raffels etc. and also attending their fundraises. It also does it's own fundraising for specific causes. Basically a non-profit service organization.​

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[witzend]

Hound it is a group that helps various charitable organizations by manning their functions, selling their raffels etc. and also attending their fundraises. It also does it's own fundraising for specific causes. Basically a non-profit service organization.

It seems to me that in that business it would be unwise to criticize anyone who might hire them to fund raise - essentially every organization that files a Form 990 and anyone who believes in their causes. That would keep me out of that club, because I don't happen to believe that everyone is deserving of my charity.

 

[rejectedmom]

LOL, I hear you Witz. And it is a huge club too. Lots of people lots of causes. That is what drew us to it there is always something going on. You pick and choose which events you want to work. Guess I should just work those I am solidly aligned with and only talk about the weather from now on....

Hound, I do hope I am imagining it but husband and I worked a fundraiser this weekend and no one spoke to us unless we spoke first. One even acted annoyed that we were working the same booth. And the man who chaired the comittee is really good friends with the person I had that fateful conversation with. -RM

 

[Hound dog]

Hmm. I'd give it a bit of time and see if it gets better. If not, then I'd find another organization to help. Stinks but if it doesn't blow over then you won't be happy there anyway.

 

[TerryJ2]

Oh dear! I'm so sorry.
The only experience I've had like this was at Rotary, when I was asked to chair a fundraiser for a certain group and I said I could do it, but that my heart wasn't in it. I also added that my husband and I were on opposite sides of the issue, and I knew that there were very, very good things being done. Just that it wasn't *me*. I had a good track record, and when it comes to volunteers, most places will take almost anyone who likes what they're doing, so you just move on to the next project.
Is there one in this same group that you really, really care about, that you could volunteer for? Or maybe you would rather choose another club, entirely. The decision is up to YOU, not them. You're the one with-the opinion.
Sometimes, this stuff happens.
I'm so sorry.

 

[rejectedmom]

Witz, Honestly I didn't critisize but it might have seemed that way to them. I said I respected that others were enthusitiac about this thing and that my husband was one of them. I also said I honored that but that I personally had a different view. I don't know why I felt the need to express an opinion (probably the wine) it just came out and I regret it. I usually avoid all hot topics and try to keep it light but this one has come up alot in my life and I guess it was on my mind. Damage done, now it is about damage control.

Hound, I guess I will give it a go but only if husband is going to the meeting also. He cannot always make it due to work. I will not go alone and if it continues to be uncomfortable then I will just bow out.

Thank you Terry, I can certainly get behind most of what they do. Could have even worked the events in question. It is just that I am afraind that I will not be accepted due to this opinionated blurt on my part. -RM

 

[DDD]

Give it some time. Not a whole heck of alot of time, lol, but some. Although the old expression "you only get to make one first impression" is true...lasting impressions are of more value. I have done club work since I was an early teen and it takes awhile to find the best way to contribute. I remember well that I naively asked if Marian Anderson was really not allowed to perform at the DAR hall..and getting silence as the answer. LOL! I ended up as President of the DAR Chapter three years later. Things can change IF you let it go. Hugs DDD

 

[rejectedmom]

Thanks DDD. I made a good first impression but then this stupid second impresion happened. LOL Hoping for a good third impression and then maybe things will get easier. We'll see. _RM

 

[muttmeister]

I guess I'm the old grouch in this group. This is a free darned country and you have the right to say anything you want. You have a right to believe anything you want. It sounds to me like you have bent over backwards to kiss these people's behinds. If I were you, I'd just figure they could either accept my apology or not but if not, it's their loss. I certainly wouldn't obsess over telling the truth about what I thought. They'll probably get over it. If not, find another group. It's not worth getting your panties in a knot over.

 

[rejectedmom]

Hi Muttmeister. Haven't seen you in a while. You always could make me laugh. I have gotten through most of the PSTD issues and am just venturing back into the world of clubs and volunteering. I am kinda shaky to begin with and this didn't help much. Besides this club I participate in a book club through the local library. I managed to keep my mouth closed there even though a member repeatedly makes statements about a minority group which makes me what to scream at her. Yet so far, diplomacy has prevailed. I do not know what got into me this time around. I also go to a crafting club once a month which so far is good, WHEW.

But you are rght, I am entitiled to my opinions but sometimes they need to be quiet entitlements. LOL -RM