I spoke to soon..

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Tallgirl5, Dec 8, 2017.

  1. Tallgirl5

    Tallgirl5 New Member

    Anyone who has read my previous posts know I said we have not had an issue with X acting out at school, only at home. All that changed yesterday. We received a call from the school letting us know we need to come in right away to deal with an issue with X. They would not really elaborate other than to say it involved her and some of the boys from her class and a student from another school. We get there and find out she has been using other kids to cyber bully another girl. X does not have access to any technology because she can't be trusted to not go on inappropriate sites, even with parental controls. She was telling the boys in her class that this girl who is also 12 sucks cock and will have sex with any boy and has done it many times. She proceeded to give all the boys this girls number to start texting and harassing her. Well the boys told their friends, who told their friends and now it is everywhere and this poor kids reputation is ruined at the hands of our daughter.

    This childs parents now want to involve the police. They have every right to. Her parents found out when one of the mothers co workers came to her to tell her her son had heard about what her daughter does and the parent was concerned. This family lives in a different town than us. This is the type of bullying and rumours young kids commit suicide over!! X shows no remorse, she never does. There is always a reason why she did it in her mind. For this she said the girl said something to a boy X likes. Are we terrible parents for WANTING the police involved?? We don't know what else to do. Nothing works. Again from my previous posts X has ODD and Histrionic Personality Disorder. She takes medications, she sees a therapist. Nothing works. We have tried tough love, we have tried rewards for good behavior. She is heading down a very destructive path at the age of 12. absolutely buy crazy. Her principal told us yesterday she is extremely concerned with the road she is on with her constant need for drama and attention at any cost.

    We would like to call the police ourselves. Maybe this is what she needs to be scared straight...

    Any thoughts?
     
  2. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    It would be good if the school or other parents reported her behavior to the police, thus sparing you the pain of reporting it yourself, can you ask the principal to report it?

    If not, I guess I would, in case it would give her consequences for her behavior.

    Only 12! The next years will be really rough! Ksm
     
  3. AppleCori

    AppleCori Well-Known Member

    Hi, Tall

    I think the police definitely need to be called.

    I hope that your daughter will realize how serious this is if the police get involved, and will not do this sort of thing in the future.

    In my opinion, this is the best thing for your daughter. She needs to be held accountable for her very destructive actions. Better to start early than to wait till she is older and more out of control.

    They need to talk to all the boys/their parents as well.

    This should be taken very seriously. For the sake of the victim, primarily, but also to make sure all the participants know that this behavior is unacceptable. Whether or not the boys believed the story, they still acted very inappropriately. I would be appalled if my son was involved in this, and would want to know. It’s not right to keep any parents in the dark.

    Have you spoken in person to the victim’s parents?

    Don’t let the school try to sweep this under the rug to avoid police involvement.

    Let us know how this turns out.

    Apple

    PS—I am so glad that you, as parents, are willing to go to the police and not coddle and protect your daughter in this situation. Many would. Stay strong. I applaud you.
     
  4. BloodiedButUnbowed

    BloodiedButUnbowed Active Member

    Hi Tall,

    What a horrible situation.

    It sounds like your daughter needs, for lack of a better word, a locked environment where she has no access to any electronic devices of any kind, and neither do any of her peers. Since she did this at school, and she has mental health diagnoses, you may wish to start the process of getting her an IEP and asking for a therapeutic placement for her.

    Your daughter's needs sound both extreme and severe, and she needs to be monitored around the clock to ensure she does not endanger herself or prey on others. I am sorry to say, but I cannot see her continuing to stay in her current environment (home and school) without getting into very serious, potentially legal, trouble.

    I am so very sorry that this is happening to your family.
     
  5. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

    Hi Tall
    Do what ever it is you and do within other power to turn this situation around while you have the parental opportunity in hand.

    This is not easy stuff to deal with. Hang in there and know we are here for you.
     
  6. JRC

    JRC Active Member

    Hello Tall-

    I agree with the others that the police should be involved. I also want to commend you for looking this problem square in the face. No one wants to think that their child could do something like this.

    I'm also thinking that a therapeutic school might be a good choice for her.

    Big hugs.
     
  7. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I am so sorry that you have to go through this. I totally applaud you for not saying it isn't your daughter's fault, for recognizing her fault in this. Of course the boys are completely at fault also, but your daughter seems to have done this on purpose, with this end in mind. This level of bullying is just awful and so extreme.

    Do what is needed to see that an outside authority (the police) gives her a consequence. It would be best if you were not the ones to bring in the police. It would show her that others are not going to cut her slack just because she is young. Of course the cops and courts are not going to do much while she is young, unless they charge her as an adult. That is always a possibility if you are in the US. Some of it depends on if she looks young and sweet and innocent, sadly enough.

    Please explain to the courts that the hystrionic personality disorder isn't really a mental illness that can be helped with therapy. It is more of a mental condition that she won't thinks needs to be helped, so she needs strong consequences in order to learn that what she does will not be accepted. That may be an uphill battle, but it is the truth. Personality disorders are not really something that can be changed unless the person does a TON of work. Generally the person with the disorder doesn't think they have a problem, everyone else has a problem with them.

    I also urge you to get her evaluated for an IEP and for a new, more restrictive placement where she can have less exposure to peers and technology. She just cannot handle it without causing havoc. The schools must provide what she needs (public schools) as she has a right to a free and appropriate public education in the least restrictive environment. Also known as FAPE in LRE. This means they have to educate her in the least buttoned down placement that she can handle. She clearly cannot handle where she is, so they need to evaluate her and place her where she cannot create these problems. Just because she has good grades or whatever doesn't mean she doesn't qualify. Though I don't know if she has good grades with ODD. They cannot deny her the evaluation if you put the request in writing and send it by certified mail, return receipt requested (meaning someone must sign for it). They have to do the testing in a certain amount of days and then meet with you. You also need to provide them with something from her doctors saying she has been diagnosed with HPD and ODD and what these mean to her education. Well, you don't need to, but it would be very helpful if they had that information.

    I hope this helps.
     
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  8. JRC

    JRC Active Member

    Checking in. How are you?
     
  9. Tallgirl5

    Tallgirl5 New Member

    Update: OK, the parents of the girl X bullied do NOT want the police involved. They have decided they want to move past it and not cause their daughter anymore stress. Apparently the text messages and comments to her have now stopped. We spoke to the school but because the other parents do not want the police involved they will not go against the other families wishes because involving them would automatically involve their daughter. That of course ties our hands, we can't involve them without involving her....

    We are trying to figure out what we can do. When the school was approached they don't want to do anything at this point because her behavior there(aside from this incident) is fine. Aside from them noticing how boy crazy she is. We were hoping for something! Even two weeks of detention, just so she knew it was beyond just us. It's very frustrating when her behavior is horrible at home but outside of the home she could win an Oscar for her performances of sweet and innocent. Her therapist says she "masks" very well. That also concerns us. Clearly she can control it when she WANTS to. Her constant lies, stealing, manipulation are unreal. When you have the principal from a Catholic School telling you to consider putting her on BC for her own good you know you have a problem!

    Everyone outside the home says what a sweet child she is. She controls it that well. She will straight up tell us she doesn't want any of her friends(what few she has and most are losers) or other to know what she does. This child is THAT manipulative.
     
  10. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Well, YOU can do something g. Take all her electronicS?
     
  11. Tallgirl5

    Tallgirl5 New Member

    That was done a long time ago. She has zero access to anything electronic. No tablet, phone, laptop, Wii... She went through other kids to do this. Like Charles Manson did with his Manson family. She puts other kids up to it. Taking her access of anything electronic was one of the first things that was done ages ago.
     
  12. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Put her on a long term form of birth control ASAP!!!!!!! I mean something like the depo provera shot. Explain to the doctor about her acting out sexually and that you do not want to ruin the life of a baby. Make this a priority. As you make her medical decisions, make this one. This is important, but don't EVER let her see how important. Treat it like a flu shot or other routine vaccination that she gets. Get something from her psychiatrist saying that she is at extreme risk of early pregnancy and needs this in order to help the doctor understand the need for it. You might even need the doctor to not stress the need for the shot to prevent babies. I don't know if she ever has any desire to have a baby. I just know it would be a nightmare for a child and for you.

    I realize you are Catholic, but this is really important. FYI, private schools do not have to give IEPS. I didn't realize she was in private school. Public schools are required to make accommodations, but private schools can just kick her out if she is a problem. That is a toss up if she isn't a problem at school.

    I am sorry that you have to make these decisions.