After years and years of doctors and counselors telling me difficult child needs to feel in control... I never quite understood. I was thinking more of control of himself, which I guess it is. It was one of your posts that made it sink in. difficult child has a lot of anxiety. Always has. Looking back now, I can go back to when he was 3 or 4. All the kids would gather at a neighbors house. He would come home because they didn't want to play HIS game, or by HIS rules. School, he was always just the class clown. Was told teachers couldn't teach because he had the attention of the class. As he got older, he would mouth off and get in trouble, become very angry. I think I finally get it. Anxiety causes him the need to feel in control. Therefore, if they don't play bey his rules, or do what he wants he does not have control of that situation. Trying to control me, gets us into arguments which I always feel I lose. School, he just now refuses to do work, has been refusing to go to class, refuses to dress for gym. It is his way of taking control. If he say's I'm not doing it, he is in control. OK..makes sense. What do I do? Tried anxiety medications and totally set him off. I tried talking to him telling him that he can have control over some things, his thoughts, his feelings, his actions, but there are some things that are constant and there is no bending, no exceptions. Those things just must be done. Those rules that are constant cannot be bent, or broken. Like, you cannot run into the road when a car is comming. (he's like dah!!) but just an example. Don't think he cared for my talk. On his testing he scored 92% and 99% higher than other kids his age. OK. so he is at the level he should be, Now he just needs to DO the work. How can we work that out? IEP is Monday, and I feel so intimidated already.