Matt moved up to AZ in July, the same month my Dad's cancer came back. I got fired 2 months later. I was so mentally drained from everything that had happened in the last year with Matt getting kicked out of 2 programs, then moving to Dallas with his Dad - grand idea - than me finally convincing a raging mentally ill child to get on a plane to Vegas to come stay with me in AZ. He had no Dr, no medications, it was a disaster. I had to find him a place to stay because for safety he could not stay with me, and get him a bed, you know, basic cr@p, and a Dr and convince him to go back on his medications. Yadada! The entire time ALL of this is happening I was doing 2 people's jobs at work, and then the new boss swooped in to make my entire life a living hades. She verbally abused me every day by threatening to fire me, calling me stupid, screaming, etc. So when I got fired, I immediately filed a lawsuit, which is still in litigation - and began looking for another job. Meanwhile my best friend moved away, and my other one and I had a huge falling out. Here I am, unemployed, with no friends, and my Mom is totally consumed with my Dad by this point. Both are basically absent of any type of emotional support to me, and in the past they have been a huge one. My town has 5K people in it, most of which are unemployed, no lie. It is a very depressed town. So I have to move to get a new job, which I land as a manager at a big box store in Bullhead City, which is near Vegas. Unfortunately for this store they took me through 6 interviews, which lasted a total of 2 months. Unfortunately for me, I had just spent 3 weeks of those 8 watching my Dad near death multiple times. Since I was not able to say goodbye to my sister, I felt a pressing need to be able to be present and available to my Dad. So, when Mr Big Box Store called to finally offer me the job, I felt my Dad had weeks to live, and I asked if I could put that offer on hold. They said absolutely. So I was encouraged to write, and try to finish this memoir that I have been doodling away at for the last 4 years. It has been 6 weeks, now, and I realize I can barely function. This is not working for me - I am the loneliest I have ever been in my life. So I am thinking, my Dad is doing better, well I will just call back Mr Big Box Store and accept the offer - BUT - you guys - I am so beat, drained, and deflated, I cannot imagine Matt and I moving to a new city without support. I have no one that could box things up, help me find a new place to live, organize the move, be my partner in helping to facilitate the move. You know - we have all moved - it is a ton of work, especially to a new city. Then you have to make new friends, learn the land, etc. Matt is just learning how to take care of his basic needs, like cooking, cleaning and paying bills for crying out loud (thanks useless programs - grrrr) It is all me. And you know what? I don't think I can do it. I have been praying all day - please, just something break for me in a good way. I feel right now like I have no family, which I really don't - no friends except in Dallas - and I cannot fathom how I am going to get out of this city and start this high power job. I really, really cannot imagine climbing that wall of granite without more safety ropes - I am already so tired and bleak anyway. And that leaves me stuck - really, really, really stuck. It is like I need someone to give me new wings, new power to feel as if I can tackle all of this. Not to mention if I do decide to move, my Dad will most certainly die in the middle of all of this. I am in such a dilemma. A really huge pickle, you mights say. Thanks for listening. I have been crying all day, and I have to stop and drag myself to the grocery store - which is a whole other state of ickiness because everyone knows everyone here - and "I am the one that got fired" so they turn their heads the other way if they see me. Losers.