I think something is up with difficult child ~ Updated

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by Kathy813, Jan 22, 2012.

  1. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    It is just a gut feeling but I think something is going on with my difficult child. I called her on Wednesday and she didn't answer but later texted back and forth with me. I know that her phone has trouble getting service in the halfway house and is often so staticky that I can't hear her.

    Yesterday, I both called and texted her to tell her about a response to a job that had come to my email (I have been sending her resume's to job postings in Craig's List since her computer got stolen at the halfway house). She didn't respond to either my call or text or to husband's call this morning.

    A few minutes ago she called to say that her car had not started when she and her roommate had finished their breakfast this morning at IHOP. When we questioned her about why she had not called back or texted back yesterday, she said her phone was not working and she didn't know why. I guess it suddenly started working again this morning.

    She called from the halfway house so I asked her how she and her roommate got back there and she said that the Triple A guy gave them a ride and told her it was her fuel line and that it needed to be flushed.

    Here's the really strange part . . . she said that this happened at 8:00 this morning but she didn't call until 11:00. I asked her why and she said that she had gone back and gone to sleep. I called her on it and told her that didn't make any sense. She said that she "guessed it didn't in retrospect."

    My guess is that she loaned out her car again and doesn't want to admit it to us. She sounded sober and was a little defensive about us "not believing her." I pointed out that she had a long history as to why we wouldn't believe her and she agreed. husband checked our AAA account online and there is no record of a call from difficult child. I don't know how frequently it is updated, though.

    What do you all think?

  2. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not


    I think your intuition is probably correct - something is up. As to what that something is? Goodness only knows...

    Are you at risk in regards to the car? Is it registered/insured in your name?
  3. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    No, we had long ago switched the title to her name and she has her own insurance policy. We weren't taking any chances that we would be liable in any way for her bad choices.

    I just got off the phone with the director of the halfway house. He said difficult child was there at bedcheck last night at midnight and that he has seen both her and the roommate there this morning. He said he would do a little investigating and see if he could find anything out about what was going on.

    He said that he had also told her not to loan out her car. She also made a point out of telling me that she had brought the GPS that I had lent her for job searches into her room so it was safe which struck me as odd since things in her room have been stolen. I pointed that out and she said, "well, I thought it would be safer in my room with the new lock than in the car." Again, it makes me think she lent out the car and thought she was protecting the GPS.

    The director called back and he said he had talked to both of them and they were sticking by that story. He said difficult child had been up every day last week and out looking for a job and that she had really come far since she had gotten there. He said she does go into a "little funk" every now and then but she is now social and has lots of friends where she had been sullen and refused to come out of her room when she first got there.

    So, I guess this is one of those difficult child things we may never know the answer to. Argh!

  4. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Was there a full moon the past couple nights???? Sounds just like one of the fishy stories I get from difficult child. Isn't it frustrating when you can't get a straight answer and the answers you are getting just don't add up?

    The information you got from the director sounds very encouraging and maybe this is all true, but it sounds more like she loaned the car out. I am sure my difficult child loans her car to many people. I know she drives everyone around when they need a ride. We have to get her off our insurance but I don't know how she can afford it right now and it's cheaper on ours. We have to figure something out fast. I know the AA program encourages those who have cars to drive those who need rides and I understand why, they are suppose to give back to others. I'm trying to be mindful of that while still protecting us.

    Hope you find out what the story is. If the fuel line needs flushing out won't you to pay for that? So you should find out something.

  5. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Kathy, does difficult child have a smartphone? Do you have a smartphone? If both answers are yes then next time you are together then you need to borrow difficult child's phone to have it looked at for some reason and install life360 on it. Oh and install it on yours too. And connect the two of you together while you have both phones then delete it from her text messages. This way she wont know its on there unless she goes digging through her apps which is doubtful because there are so many on there. There are other family gps apps too but that is the one I am used to using. If you want me to find another one, just let me know. Life360 works extremely well. You can see the exact address where she is at.
  6. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Yes, Nancy. She has no income so we get stuck with the bills to keep the car running.

    husband went over to the halfway house and picked her up and went to see the car. He said he could hear it trying to start up but it wouldn't turn over. He thinks it is the starter or the fuel hose which is what difficult child says AAA told her.

    He called AAA and they sent a tow truck to take it to a auto shop. difficult child asked him to bring her by our house so she could take a shower since their apartment is having hot water issues. When she got here, she seemed absolutely fine and took her shower so that she could meet her boyfriend and his family for his birthday dinner. She said she has two leads on jobs where others in the halfway house work. She took husband's truck back with her so she could go to a hotel about a front desk job tomorrow. She has a phone interview that I set up later in the week.

    I can't describe it but she seems so at peace and clear-headed. She says its the Lamictal. She has been on it for almost a month now. Maybe it is the combination of sobriety and the right medications. difficult child told me today that she actually feels like she has grown up a lot lately.

    So . . . what happened this morning? I guess we will never know. I think she lent the car out and doesn't want to admit it.
  7. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Well glad she is well and making progress in general. Does it just get to be a habit maybe to lie and then even when it is not a big deal they still do it? I have not experienced someone in her position so it just was a thought.

    You sure seem to be hanging in there, hope you are taking care of yourself.
  8. Signorina

    Signorina Guest

    Times like these when I wish this board had a like button. I am so glad to read your post K

    xing fingers et al
  9. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Janet, do you have to be on the same plan with the same company? difficult child has her own plan with a different company then ours.

    Besides, I don't think she has a smartphone. And . . . I really don't want to be able to check up on her. Our goal is for difficult child to become an independent, functioning adult who doesn't have a mom or dad checking up on her. That's why I wanted her to have her own phone plan, car insurance plan, and I don't have a facebook account. Now all we have to do is get her to be able to pay for them. :)

    Thanks, though.

  10. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    the answer is no..but you do have to have a smartphone. I have all my family on life360 and it isnt so I can "keep track" but more so we can just know where everyone is if we need to...say one of us broke down in the car and couldnt call, I could find them. Or say I got really sick and didnt answer my phone, they would know where to look for me. Things like that. We just think of it as a safety measure. Also life360 shows all the pedophiles, hospitals, police stations and fire depts around you.
  11. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I can't see either of my daughters handing me their phones so I could put a tracker on it even if I said it was for "safety reasons." easy child is too independent and difficult child would be too suspicious.


  12. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    ROFL Kathy, mine would be too suspicious too.

    She probably did loan it out. But the good news is she looks and sounds clear headed and that is awesome, and she is actively looking for a job, all positives. I am encouraged.

  13. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    What do I think? I think it's time to get into protective mode again. Geez, these difficult child's are too much. Sending you and husband major hugs and hopes that it's a minor blip on the screen. DDD
  14. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Don't worry, DDD. I stay in protective mode. When I couldn't reach her yesterday, my first thought was that she was in jail. When I heard she was coming over today, I went downstairs and got my purse and put it away. While I see some positive changes, she is far from having earned my trust.

    Hope for the best, expect the worst. That's our board motto.

    Last edited: Jan 22, 2012
  15. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Kathy you make me laugh. Autopilot kicks in when our difficult children come around. Mine came over tonight and I had to pick ny husband up at the airport and I asked her to come with me for company. No way was I going to let her be in the house alone.

    Last edited: Jan 23, 2012
  16. pinevalley

    pinevalley Member

    Thanks for the info about Life360. We track our difficult child using his cell phone, through a gps service that my h set up. I am going to check out this app too. My difficult child knows that we can track his phone, and he does not like it. But we took his phone away from him and set the tracking service up without his knowledge at first, and it was a big help in catching him when he was lying to us. Now he knows about the tracking, but he also knows that the only way that he can have a cell phone is if we can keep track of where he is. The problem we have is that when difficult child does not want us to know where he is he justs turns off his phone. That really makes me mad, but we are always expecting the worst from difficult child, so it is something we would expect him to do.

    I hope you are able to get a little rest tonight after all the worry about your difficult child.