I want to choke her!!

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by southermama3, Jan 25, 2012.

  1. southermama3

    southermama3 New Member

    So I felt one step up and now I feel 90miles back!

    Turtle was caught passing notes. She sent a origami type note with a button that said push. Once you opened it it said "crazy sex" ......well now I have to meet with the principal and her staff to fix this. I talked with her teacher and told her I was upset but did not think she understood what she was sending. The teacher agreed that she thought she was clueless. I am so disappointed in her and we've dealt with this similarly bc of her molestation. She was caught trying to show another boy stuff in kindergarten. I honestly thought we had some-what buried the hatchet so to say in this area. This makes me livid bc thanks to her "sperm donor" her innocence will forever be violated and all I want to do is claw him apart!!!!!!
  2. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Well, you have the added issue of her past, but you are newer to the board and so may not know that Q is often in trouble for "sex words" in school. But he has no clue what he is saying. YET if you watch even any kind of family show or kids show on nikelodian etc... well, they say sexy for everything. This word is used in a different way these days. I hope they dont do what they have done to Q. I hope they use it for an opportunity to teach her that this is not a school word.

    Uggg... Sorry it happened, sounds like a chance to teach, no need to choke!
  3. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I don't know if this will help, but given that words like sex and curse words, etc.... are so prevalent in society, we used the concept of "grown up words" with my kids. They could hear them, they could even hear Mom or Dad slip and say them. But they are words that are ONLY for grown up use - period. Until they are adults in both the sense of being over 18 and in the sense of being able to support themselves financially, they cannot use them. At least NOT around parents, grandparents, other adults, or in school/on school property. Out behind the barn with the kids? Not my problem but I better not hear complaints.

    It gave a clear guideline. I know your daughter has issues from prior abuse. This might be a way to help her grasp the social boundaries that will make her life easier if she follows. I would even put it that way - it will make her life EASIER and you can get away with more stuff if you don't call attention to yourself. Yes, maybe that was bad parenting, but it was the ONLY way to get Wiz to follow some fo the basic rules. ANd it worked.

    I am not sure how old Turtle is, if you would do a signature it would help us remember and maybe give more age-specific advice, but as she matures the abuse will have to be dealt with on a different level again and again. Sadly, that is the lasting curse of abuse. It can pop up and bite you over and over. So choke her biofather, and try to teach her and help her heal and learn that she doesn't have to take things to that level.
  4. buddy

    buddy New Member

    she can't do the sig. yet because her apps wont let her go in to do it she said...

    Maybe do a small doctor. and then copy paste it every time you write? that could be easy.... I actually did that until I figured out to go into settings to do the signature.
  5. southermama3

    southermama3 New Member

    Yeah I'm going to try to make it to McDonalds this weekend with my lap top. My ipad wont load the full site when I click on it for some reason. (?) maybe admin can inquire about a debug or something that may be causing the link not to load.

    She's 9 and endured sb from 9mos of age til 4. I took your advice and it really helped. I sat her down and told her ladies don't talk like that and that word was considered a curse word. She sat there and I believe she has no clue what sex really is. We always called her sb "being messed with in your special place" She got very embarassed when she realized what she wrote and kept saying she was sorry. She said she was sorry for letting me down and her teacher. I told her we all make mistakes but the goal is to learn from them. Crisis was contained fairly well. Thank God.

    Thank yall for ur input I really appreciate it.
  6. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Oh that's great. Yeah, even with her history, she is going to make normal mistakes that any kid could have made. you have the added worry to wonder if it was influenced by what happened. but in this case... I bet it was just a word.

    I distinctly remember getting in HUGE trouble at school because a teacher heard me say something about you should have seen them in bed. When my mom asked me I could not even remember saying it. Not denial, really really must have not meant anything to me. but they thought I must have been acting inappropriate. Such a huge deal made out of nothing. It left me embarrassed and I didn't even know why at the time.

    I learned what sex was from a friend in sixth grade. So what the big deal was I have no idea.
  7. Malika

    Malika Well-Known Member

    Adults do tend to project onto children their own lack of innocence. Really your daughter didn't know what she was writing and was just playing with something she realised was taboo or "naughty", without knowing what it was - as children do. Making a fuss about it is... well, what adults do. But they needn't.
  8. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Ohhh, I'm so sorry.
    My difficult child did a few things like that 3 yrs ago and got put in Time Out and a note was sent home, but now they're ALL saying it.
  9. southermama3

    southermama3 New Member

    Well I think the note affected two students and the teacher took it. Im going to bring it up in her psychiatric session to make sure she's not resurfacing again..I truly hope not. My mama light says she didn't know what she was writing.