My son is eight years old and has had problems with mental illness which worsened at age five. At this time it began, it was hard for me to take him grocery shopping or completing small tasks throughout the day. It was hard to get anyone to babysit him as he would attack the other children within the first hour of me dropping him off. I thought this was just a phase. I decided just being patient with him and continuing to establish boundaries would help. Until one day I received a call from the school saying they had to call the police as his rage intensified suddenly and he started banging his head on the wall and scratching his face until it bled while saying he wanted to die and he was going to shoot himself with a gun. He was checked into a psychiatric unit that day for the first time. After he was released and on medications he was better, I set him up with a psychiatrist and a play therapist and things went well for over a year. A little back ground history, at the age of three I had a person I thought I could trust watch him while I went to work. After about the third time I noticed my son had a slight black eye. He told me what happened and I pressed charges. The friend I thought we could trust had told my son that if he tell anyone that he hit him he would kill him. (my son at the age of 8 remembers this quite well and is still upset about it- thus contributing to some of his anger I believe) At the age of 6 I got married and we ended up moving to a different state where we bought a house. Anthony has always had a hard time with changes so I knew this would be difficult. He began to get agitated with just about everything from the tongue of his shoe to the fabric of his shirt and would throw himself down kicking and screaming. He had a strange obsession with our animals. A few times I caught him sitting naked with our cat on the couch. When we walked in he would get up and run away. I've caught him jumping on and choking the cats. He would often hit our dogs. I caught him whispering to the cat that he was going to break her paws and skin her. When I confronted him he laughed about it in a very sadistic manor. We decided one day to rescue a puppy. She was barking one morning and Anthony punched her in the face so hard she bled everywhere and trembled at the sight of any human. I got rid of her for her safety. One day he was so upset with grandma after leaving the movie theatre because she didn't buy him something from the candy machine that he began threatening her by saying he was going to chop her up in little pieces with a knife, all while he was hitting her, pulling her hair kicking and biting. We checked him into the hospital again. Things were better but not solved in the least, my husband at the time had a job that required him gone two weeks throughout the month. This was hard for Anthony to deal with. It was a three day cycle that would take him to adjust normally when Derek would come home and when he would leave. He had a hard time in school, having to be picked up most days. He also has an IEP which helps. I ended up getting a divorce and Anthony and I left state with our belongings to better suit a job I had. But it required us to travel a bit. In my divorce I lost everything. We were starting out fresh. We had other incidents similar to above reasons requiring Anthony to re-visit the hospital. At a school Anthony attended in Texas he regularly had to be picked up because of throwing everything in sight and attacking the teacher. One day he threatened to bring a weapon in his backpack and kill everyone in the school. The school then said he could not come back until he got a psychiatric evaluation. I took him to the psychiatric unit where we sat and waited for 14 hours. When he spoke to the therapist there he said he was hearing voices and they told him to hurt people and they told him to say what he said to his grandma years ago. Something I wouldn't necessarily think he'd remember plain as day like that since there were so many different incidents between that time. As we waited for Anthony to be seen again he began to run around the room, scream and cuss at me and whoever else looked at him, claw me with his nails, hit and bite me and ran away to lock himself in the restroom. They had to sedate him and he was admitted. We never again heard him speak of hearing voices. Weeks later he had an interest in seeing and developing a relationship with his dad in Michigan and his dad reciprocated. I explained to Anthony it may not be as he would hope for because his dad is married with three new children. But Anthony still begged to go. He went for the summer and immediately his dad had concerns. He said Anthony would sneak around and hurt his siblings especially his year old brother. He hurt the dog and often lied a lot and his dad explained him as manipulative. Charles became increasingly scared for the safety of his other children. He sent him home to me and Anthony explained being at his house was miserable, he was always in his room, his dad yelled at him all the time and even hit him in the head once. I can imagine Anthony feeling lonely and out of place as he didn't seem to get much bonding time with dad and three new siblings involved that had an indefinite bond would have made Anthony feel lonely and unaccepted. He came home to me and seemed fine for the first month. I also had found out that I was pregnant and Anthony seemed excited. But things changed quickly because I realized I couldn't keep a job that had me traveling and a child that had these issues, even at the result of us having to stay in a woman's shelter I figured it would only be a few months but I could change my career path and take a different route. Now this I do believe has debilitated Anthony. He began acting out so severely that even with the simple request of brushing his teeth before bed would throw him into a fit of rage. He started attacking me, hitting, kicking, threatening to kill me before the baby is born, when I restrain him so he couldn't hit or kick he would fight for hours while cussing the foulest and meanest things I've ever heard a person say, to me and to whoever walked by, attacking anyone who walked by, biting our hands so he could get free and run out of the building at any chance he could get. Threatening to kill himself by running into traffic. Hitting me in the belly at 7 months pregnant. Punching kids in the face at school even if they have nothing to do with why he is mad in the first place. Hitting, kicking, scratching and biting police officers who have to restrain him. Punching adults in the face, there would have to be two people holding him down at once until the police showed up who would say he needed to go to the hospital. He has now been hospitalized in the last two and a half months nearly 20 times. After 4 times being admitted to a psychiatric unit and the medications doing nothing but seemingly making it worse they have all started turning him down and claiming they can't help him. Sometimes it would seem like he could turn it on and off, he would act like a complete angel to the nurses and they would tell me he seems fine. They would say I have to come pick him up or they would call Cps and report child abandonment and neglect. After a few times doing this and within only a matter of two to three days that it happened again I said I can't take him back right away. There needs to be something done. I had to be hospitalized myself for being hit so hard in the belly by him. We recently found out that he has sensory processing disorder (SPD)(sensory processing disorder) bipolar, ADHD, ODD and unspecified mood disorder. You might begin to think maybe they are just unclear of what to do exactly since it seems they just threw on a bunch of titles of illnesses, doped him up on tons of medications that have not worked for him and now claim they can't take him back. I have read up on sensory processing disorder (SPD) and have done my best to accumulate him, he has a bean bag to take five minute breaks on throughout the day which he knows are not to punish him but to help. He has a punching bag which is believed to help, a reward system that involves us doing crafts together or a fun board game, a schedule written down daily and I massage his joints on his arms which him and I call "squishing" and put pressure on his head which is also believed to help. I began telling them that I cannot take him right back and he needs to be supervised at all times where he is safe to himself and I am safe. So they decided to put him on 3 day hold to a foster family three different times which has just made him worse. He is now back in the hospital because the last lady couldn't handle it. This hospital does not have a psychiatric unit and the psychiatric units will not admit him again. He is now a person I don't even recognize. He is no longer my wonderful personality having, hilarious, fun, creative, loving, artistic little boy. He goes into a rage close to ten to fifteen times a day, punches nurses in the face, has to be sedated about three times a day, never laughs anymore, he is so mean and vicious always. It's just gotten horrid. We work with a mental health case manager who said there is nothing more we can do because long term treatment takes too long to get him into and psychiatrists and therapists are an easy two month wait. These are a few of my thoughts. Two months ago they started him on depakote three times a day at a therapeutic level along with zyprexa and a few others. But these two in particular have concerned me, one time I forgot the zyprexa and gave it to him after his other medications, he was fine until after I gave it to him, about a half hour later he went into rage about having to go to school and began his attacking. We changed him from depakote to lithium and put him on propranolol instead of strattera. A lady that recently had him in her care said he seemed to be fine until he took his medications and immediately started acting out within the hour with no trigger leading to it. While he is in the hospital I've been speaking to the doctor that agrees to trying him off zyprexa and trying risperdal. In the past risperdal has seemed to make him more irritable and more zombie like. I never liked him being on it, but figured maybe just trying it in a cocktail with the propranolol and lithium might be different. My mother had schizophrenia, bipolar, depression and anxiety. She also had a heavy drinking problem as long as I knew her. She committed suicide a few years back. My dad has always had extreme bipolar symptoms but refuses to be checked. I have anxiety and depression which is controlled very well by lexapro. My brother on my dads side also committed suicide decades ago. We are completely lost, the new baby will arrive in two months and I'm scared. We are getting our apartment in a little over a week which will most likely help him but I'm afraid of what to do if he attacks me and I have no one around to help. I'm even more afraid of what might come about after baby is here. It's hard to keep him from even running out of buildings into the street or even out of the hospital at this point. I am losing hope, I dream of a day I have my little boy back and he is himself again. He has lost interest in all of his favorite things, he's a wonderful drawer and used to love coloring and building Legos or watching movies. He now has no longer has the patience to sit still for more than five minutes. He paces around the room and throws a fit if he's bored. It's completely out of control. We need help BAD.