if you were a easy child parent

[lordhelpme]

in a class or school with-a violent difficult child what would be your expectations?

difficult child's recent move out of another classroom was based more on a concern for others safety and not on what was best for him.
i know he needs a smaller class with-less sensory distractions and i thought that was the reason for the move but know i found out it is cuz of his throwing things and the fact that his classmates are scared of him.

would you want your child in a classroom/school with-a child that could be a potential threat? would you be as warrior mom for your easy child child as we are for our difficult children?

i feel so torn cuz the guilt that my son has hurt others and caused so much disruption. some of these parents are/were my friends but they are pissed at me not the school about difficult child being in school.

my child is now labeled the trouble maker and even though i saw some kids hitting each other and acting up in the lunch line yesterday during farm day he is still the violent one.


sorry but my frustration level and guilt level are so high right now. do i have the right to force those other kids/staff to deal with-my difficult child? is this the right thing to do or should i look into homeschooling to keep everyone safe?

it no!!!!! they are not handling him in the right way. they do not descalate him and they keep changing his learning enviroment. he has the right to be there in school with-his friends and twin sister. this just sucks!!

 

[Fran]

Colleen, I agree that your primary concern is your child and what is in his best interest. In addition the other parents have the same right for their children's best interest.
It clashes in the classroom, then it's up to teacher/school administration to somehow create an environment that is conducive to learning for all. Not an easy job in the best of times.
If teaching skills to descalate your difficult child is possible I would go that way. It's the least disruptive. If you feel it isn't the right environment for your son, then go with the smaller class. After all you are looking out for your child.

I always felt if my child was interrupting the educational process consistently through the day that it was time for my difficult child to move into another environment. It isn't an "us against them" as much as what is in their best interest. All of them.

I know it's a real balancing act.

 

[Just keep swimming]

Coleen,

Well, I have been on both ends of this situation with having 2 easy child's then adopting 2 difficult children.

When easy child 1 was in 3rd grade, there was this darling, tiny little guy with these huge eyes that just melted your heart. I helped in the classroom regularly so I got to see his behavior deteriorate radically over a few months time. He started out with being mouthy, not listening, not doing work, bugging other students, etc. I was just a parent but I was assigned to help this little guy hold it together while I was there.

Soon, he was throwing things and hit some students. Then he punched a huge hole in the wall. Blew us away that someone so tiny could have that much strength. But, being the uneducated parent I was, I was sitting in blame of the parents. (sorry, I was young, my little girl was in the class and I was afraid for her safety). Teacher had a meeting with those of us parents who were concerned and she told us that he was most likely going to be transferred to a behavioral classroom soon.

So, I guess, in a way, I did do the warrior mom thing for easy child 1, and I did try to help this little guy, but I just didn't know then what I know now.

There were probably 15 parents there at that meeting witht 29 students in the class, that's a fair amount of concerned parents.

But, on the other hand, when my difficult child was in Kindergarten, she was in a private Christian school and there were NO supports whats so ever and we had not yet had evaluations done or anything. When parents started to complain about my difficult child, it broke my heart. And I then had so much more empathy towards the parents of that little guy years ago!

Not sure I really answered you question but I would be a warrior mom for ANY of my kids, special needs or not!

Hugs,
Vickie

 

[Big Bad Kitty]

First of all, please stop feeling guilty. I know, easier said than done. You are doing what you can, and this is just part of life with a difficult child. Yes, it sucks. Out loud.
But, the teacher has to consider the safely and feeling of every student. If he is in a smaller class, whether it is because it is violent OR because he gets less distracted, and it is benefitting him as well as the other students, then maybe it is not such a bad idea. THis way, if he does need to be de-escalated, the teacher can more easily attend to is needs. That might not be a reasonable request for a teacher of a regular sized class to do.
This must be especially hard if he has a sister to compare himself too. Poor guy. Big hugs to him, hugs and prayers to you as well.

And stop feeling guilty!

 

[mum2JK&TH]

Just last week easy child came home to tell me that a boy in her class had put push pins in between his fingers and was lunging at peoples faces with them. My first concern was easy child's safety, I did not care what issues the boy may have had, he needed to be removed.
However not so many months ago it was me who was sitting in the principals office being told that many children in difficult child's class were afraid of him and that parents were calling in upset because of his distractions, no one liked him.

School's policy - Every child has a right to learn in a safe environment.

I hate to say it but I agree. Our difficult child's cannot control their actions and sometimes they are a threat and sometimes they do cause emotional stress and fear with their peers, I would not want the guilt if something did happen when other options are there. He would be devestated if he knew how many felt about him or would be when he did have an issue he hurt someone. He can't control it but things still happen. I would rather him in a quieter setting where the odds are less.

The staff does need to deal with your difficult child though because he has the right to learn in a environment safe for him too. He needs to learn how to socialize at some point but maybe a bigger classroom is just to much right now, smaller may be best. We had toyed with the idea of homeschooling but difficult child needs to learn how to socialize with others and he won't get that here at home.

We try and make sure we balance it. Let's face it...no child is perfect and they all have their days, boys at best even with no gfgness in them.

Don't feel guilty though, it's not easy but it sounds like you are trying to find that balance and that's what is most important.

 

[lordhelpme]

sorry but i forgot to include that there is not smaller clasroom setting in our school or in the whole county. he is with-a one on one in the resource room for the rest of the yr.

i guess i was wondering if i push for the school to create this kind of classroom at our school. anything else would require a 1hr+ bus ride to and from school and we have bus issues for the 20 minutes he is on the bus now.

thanks everyone. i do want him in the smaller setting but i also want him to be able to be a kid and do what the other kids get to do.

 

[flutterbee]

The school has a responsibility to all it's students. If I were the other parents, I would be pushing to protect my child. I wouldn't be mad at the other parent, but I would be expecting the school to protect my child. I can't be there all day so I have to count on the school to do it. For my difficult child especially, being around a child that was out of control (for lack of better words at the moment) would throw her anxiety off the charts. It would throw her into full-blown panic.

On the other hand, you want your child to be able to socialize with the other kids and have a somewhat "normal" school experience. I would try working with the school to meet the needs of all. Maybe have him in the classroom and if they see him escalating, remove him at that time to the resource room. It doesn't seem like it should have to be all or nothing.

 

[timer lady]

This is a tough question....I know the tweedles interfered with their peers education & put their peers at risk with their unsafe behaviors. I had no doubt that they belonged in a contained setting.

Having said that, I would hope that other parents would have the same consideration. That the SD would take into account all of the children involved...not just the PCs or just the difficult child.

Socialization & academics were the least of the tweedles concerns until they were stabilized.

I'm not sure what you would like to hear...every child has a right to a safe, sane education.

 

[Wiped Out]

This is such a hard situation I know. When my easy child had a major difficult child in her class a couple of years ago I was not at all happy especially when I found out he was making suggestive gestures behind her back. Our school district is so inclusive that they really don't have any small group settings which I don't think is necessarily a good thing all the time. At times I've thought my difficult child might benefit from something like that. There are times when I have had a major difficult child in my classroom and wondered if it was fair to the other kids as well as to the difficult child. I'm not always sure what the answer is.

 

[DazedandConfused]

As a parent, If a difficult child is interfereing with the education, and even endangering my child, that's it, I want them out. I'm a mother, and I don't have to consider the difficult child. Frankly, I don't care. I don't necessarly blame ANYONE, I just want them away from my kid. Period. If the SD wants me to care, then they have to put me on the payroll (I am, but that is not the capacity in which I work).

I had a situation where Daughter had been punched twice by a difficult child, in the stomach. I talked to the teacher, and she explained that the difficult child was dealing with "a lot". Okay, fine. Whatever. I explained that whatever steps had to be taken to keep Daughter safe, and not compromise her education, do them. I think what I said was, "Tie him to an Ant hill, I don't care, but if he TOUCHES my kid again, I'm going to make Mt. St. Helen's look like pimple popped".

Now, as someone who works in education. My primary concern is that the students that have been entrusted to me be safe at all times. Any student that attempts to disrupt that, depending on the threat, will be warned once. After that, they're out. Usually, they go sit in Kindy for the remainder of their classes library time. Or, referred to the office if the infraction is serious.

I can't even tell you how much precious time is eaten up by having to deal with difficult children. PCs can really take it on the chin when it comes to the teacher's, or in my case, the librarian's time.

 

[kris]

<span style='font-size: 11pt'> <span style='font-family: Georgia'> <span style="color: #000099"> when my kids were in the primary grades they were in a school system that only had contained classrooms for the multiply handicapped & developmentally delayed. all behavior kids were included in the reg ed classes. worse yet each year one teacher per grade would get the bulk of the behavior kids. it was like *tag, you're it* for the teachers. it made life h*ll for the other kids in the class.

EVERY child is entitled to LRE, not just the Special Education kids. it's hard to learn when you're waiting for the next outbreak of violence, when the teacher has to spend 95% of their time trying to keep peace in the classroom. some years were just awful for my kids. it affected their grades for sure. no child ~~~ or teacher should have to feel afraid the bulk of their day.

there must be other parents who are facing the same thing you are in the school. try & band together & pressure the SD into creating a more suitable environment for them.

kris </span> </span> </span>

 

[CCRidr2]

I have also been warrior mom on both sides of an issue. Our 2 easy child's have had issues with others in classes and I played warrior. I have also sat outside the principals office feeling like I was the one at fault, along with difficult child. difficult child has had to be removed from classes several times and has been suspended twice for issues like you describe. Hang in there and remember ALL moms are warriors for their kids, WE just have to carry bigger sticks!

Cyndi