ignorance of others

[Kjs]

makes me SO angry. When I talk about my family, I don't say, Oh, I have a child with bipolar, ODD, anxiety issues. He is a great kid. However, I had a conversation recently with a co-worker who lives in my same town, who was telling me what school he is sending his child to (charter school) because at this school they don't "allow" any special education kids there to "mess" up MY child. He stated that kids who misbehave are a direct result of poor parenting. That you need to spank you child and they will learn how to behave. I was so angry at that and many other comments he continued to make. I told him that the charter school he is referring to is part of unified public school district, and it DOES recieve special education services if needed, it is the law. He said I am wrong. That you have to sign up to go there so if your child misbehaves they kick them out. I asked him what would happen if now that his child is starting school, in a year or so he finds out his child has ADHD or another disability. He stated that would never happen because he parents correctly and spanks. Therefore his child will Always behave and listen. He said he will be sure to ask that question about special education at the next school meeting because he doesn't want "those" kind of children around HIS son.

How can a parent be so blind??? None of our kids asked to have these issues, and none of us parents choose to have the issues we do that must be dealt with. I was speechless in what to say.

 

[DammitJanet]

Those types of parents are operating out of ignorance. They may think they have a handle on their kids but the time will come when their ignorance will be thrown in their face.

Fate has a way of intervening in peoples lives. Either their perfect little angel will enter the teen years and all will go to hell in a hand basket or Mr. Perfect Parent will give birth to a difficult child or some other fiasco will happen.

I had a coworker one time who was pregnant and used to look down her nose at all the "pitiful excuses for parents" who came through doors of our welfare office because the kids were loud and rowdy. She was often overheard to say how "her" kids would never behave that way and how she would never let her kids cry and yada yada.

Well...never say never...lol. She gave birth to the most colicky baby ever and if that child isnt a difficult child I will eat my hat! Everything she ever said he would never do, he has done...lol. She used to say how she couldnt understand parents who medicated kids and blah blah blah. Bet she has already sought help. LMAO.

 

[Marguerite]

Kjs, don't take his comments on board. He is a ratbag (Aussie expression, very apt). And you're right, he is ignorant.

I strongly suspect he was telling you this as his way of making a strong point that you are not parenting your child correctly. Although you might not have said anything about your child's problems at that time, he undoubtedly knows (or thinks he knows) what is wrong with your child and was sending you a message.

Ignore him.

And yes, it will be interesting to see what happens if/when his child stops being perfect. it tends to happen when they hit puberty. or if not then, then later on, when they leave home and get a life.

About spanking the child - we just got back from NZ where spanking a child is now illegal. The law was passed while we were there. He'd better not want to holiday with his family in New Zealand any time soon!

I remember my darling eldest nephew, who I helped raise for the first ten years. After his family moved a long way away, my influence waned. His reactionary father's opinions suddenly became gospel and I remember a conversation with this young man when he was 17. We were talking about homosexuality, and I was trying to explain about the need for tolerance and understanding. He would have none of it. I asked, "What if one of your closest friends came to you and said, 'You're my best friend, I have to talk to someone - I'm gay. I'm having trouble dealing with this and I need to talk.' What would you do?"
My nephew's response was flat out denial that that would ever happen. "None of my friends are queer. I would know. If they were, they wouldn't be my friends."
He simply couldn't wrap his head around the concept. It wouldn't ever happen therefore he didn't need to consider it. He will be forty soon, I think he still hasn't changed. I hope none of his sons is gay - they wouldn't cope.

It was on our news this morning - a branch of KKK has started up in Queensland. Maybe your co-worker would move over here when he discovers 'flawed' kids in his child's school? He would find those of like minds in Australia's reactionary deserts.

Don't worry, his day will come. Sit back and wait for the floor show to start. And don't take anything he says on board - he clearly gave up thinking a long time ago.

Marg

 

[TrishaBC]

KJS,

Good for you for not loosing your cool with this ignorant . I hate talking to people like that, I just could shake them.

Lets just hope what goes around comes around.

 

[crazymama30]

Let it go in one ear and out the other. Sometimes, I simply say that I disagree, and do not want to disuss it further. I will not waste my time talking to people who will not listen.

 

[Big Bad Kitty]

You know, I agree with crazymama. I do not wish or hope that they "get theirs". Ignorance sometimes is just that, ignorance. If they have never been exposed to it, how do they know better? Many of us had a different outlook on difficult children until we had one ourselves. If I spend my time and energy hoping that they get it one day, that is less time and energy I am spending on myself and my family. I just don't let people like this rent space in my head.

Let it go.

 

[WhymeMom?]

These know it alls usually think they have all the answers....wait till their children hit the real world and have to deal with a difficult child as a boss.....also thinking that this guy may not know what's going on at the school or someone is telling him what he wants to hear. Maybe you should suggest he homeschool so his children won't be exposed to any other "influences" that might broaden his children's horizons.....gag me with a spoon....

 

[crazymama30]

I know before I woke up and realized that difficult child was a difficult child, I was against medications. I was ignorant. Ignorance can be overcome, but it takes effort and willingness. Sometimes ignorance is based in denial.

 

[hearts and roses]

I would never wish a difficult child on anyone, but sometimes, just sometimes, it seems soooooo fitting, doesn't it?

Good for you for maintaining your cool. Shame on him for being such an ignoramus.

 

[Wiped Out]

Kjs,
Sorry you had to listen to that. I agree there are many people who don't know and are ignorant because they have never been exposed to raising a difficult child. Hopefully they will learn tolerance and learn that it isn't a parenting issue.

 

[AllStressedOut]

In all honesty, I was one of those parents once. Before I had my difficult children, I had 2 easy child's. I thought the kids who had problems were because their parents didn't give them enough time, they didn't discipline enough or in the right way. I didn't say that to anyone EVER, but I always felt sorry for the kids. I felt like they weren't getting what they needed. Now I have 3 difficult children and I know better. I do everything for all of my kids, but no matter how much I do, I will always have some problems with my difficult children that I don't have with my PCs.

He is speaking out of ignorance. As hard as it is to swallow sometimes, you should feel sorry for him. He doesn't know any better. Just hope some day that he comes across someone in his life who can show him first hand that he's wrong. Maybe you can. Some people just don't know any better. I was one of them once.